Hello!

After... some experiences I had in my youth I decided that I wanted to disappear... not to put an end to everything, just to disappear. And so I did for years, where I barely talked to anyone and never got out from my home unless it was absolutely necessary.

Growing up, this decision made my life extremely harder and I decided that it is for the best for me to try to get out and rebuild an actual life... but despite several attempts, I always failed.

I'm too afraid of people... too anxious. I don't understand people... I don't understand if they like me or if they hate me. And despite everything I do, If I talk to them too much they will get annoyed by me and they'll stop talking to me. if I stop talking to them, they'll eventually forget about me. They never call me back for anything... No one ever bothers...

And this is where I am right now. Still locked inside my house, too afraid to get out... and without anyone in my life that actually cares about me. I often cry in the night for how pathetic I am and for how ashamed of myself I feel.

But I don't want to feel like this anymore... but I don't know what to do.