How important is forgiveness? And why practice it?
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesnt obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
While early research focused on forgiveness of others by individuals, new areas of research are starting to examine the benefits of group forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
@iamelle
If I may I beg to differ...forgiveness without a personal reconciliation is just detachment. If we cannot punish a perpetrator we try detachment in order to go on...Forgiveness implies something more. In order to forgive someone it means you understand both them and the circumstances and whether it leads to reconciliation or not, at least it is a felt meaningful understanding among human souls. Acceptance or detanchment are impersonal, you can accept the trauma trauma from a hurricane, detach from an agressor whom cannot be legally punished or brought to justice, nor forgiven. But to a condemned to a death sentence you can tell them in peace "I forgive you", because justice was done.
There is so much to write on the subject. Of course we forgive our children and our loved ones, because our sentiments and devotion are above circumstances. Of course we forgive unintentional things and people who are mentally chalkenged.
Of course we forgive someone who backs up and spills coffee on us or steps on our foot, even though we wished they had some common sense but it was not their fault.
What I cannot forgive is the guy kicking me in my back in Paris trying to jump the subway gate on me. I cannot forgive those who threw stones at us when I kissed my wife on the street and many more serious deliberate ones...
Jesus could forgive even the deliberate ones, but then I am not religious...
@pioneeringChestnut8375
That's quiet alright, fair point also. Everyone's option is important. Thanks for sharing ❤
@chyni opinion*
@iamelle I respect why people choose to forgive, why people are urged to forgive, etc.
I personally can't really agree with it. I think there are some situations and events where it can be impossible to let go, and to be told (IF one is) that one "must" forgive to move on, beocme healthier, etc. is not always the best path, either.
But it's not the same for everyone and I respect that.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
Yeah. I do see where you're coming from. And most people would agree.
I don't know who said it, but I always remember this quote (not exact):
"To hold a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be hurt."
Always does us more damage than good. Even if it's just for our own mental health, it's a good thing to forgive. My father abused my family for years, and because he never sought help for his mental health struggles, everything is behind such a wall of repression and denial that he'll never understand what he did. I'm still in the process of letting go, even though the abuse happened when I was around 3 or 4 (and long before then). I'm 27 now. It's also difficult because I have to deal with the consequences of HIS choice every day for the rest of my life, in the form of various mental health issues.
Hello, @JayTee95 I'm so sorry to hear that, you've clearly been through a lot. I do hope that you'll heal one day and no longer have to deal with all that burden. Stay safe, and thanks for sharing. I really appreciate that.