Intrusive thoughts

Here is what I think about thoughts. I don’t know if it will help you. A thought you follow will generate more of the same flavor of thoughts. By “follow” I mean when the thought comes up you pay more than a few minutes of attention to it. Distressing thoughts are more likely to get our attention. And distressing thoughts build up a stream of more distressing thoughts to follow. This kind of makes sense for our survival. If I see something moving in the grass, I begin to wonder, “Could that be a tiger?” My next thought better be, “I better get out of here”, not, “Oh look, there are some pretty flowers,” because if it was indeed a tiger I might be its lunch. But most of us don’t normally have to worry about tigers. Still, our mind is wired to bring up any signs of danger or distress no matter how small and demand our attention.

Most of our thoughts are not worth paying a lot of attention. There are a few that are worth our attention and belief. Gravity is real. Pay attention to the thought, “I better not get to close to the edge of that cliff.” But other thoughts, “no one likes me”, “I will fail”, “bad things are going to happen”, might not be worth too much attention. You can answer these thoughts with other thoughts. So, for instance, “It isn’t true that no one likes me, my friend Jon likes me. I’m not unlikeable,” “I can’t know for certain that I will fail. I’m not a fortune teller. And even if I failed, what is the worse thing that could happen then? I’ll just try again.” “I don’t know for certain that bad things will happen. Is there anything I can do to protect myself? Maybe I shouldn’t worry about a future I can’t control.” Those are just some examples. There are other tools to answer some distressing thoughts. They have to be tools that work for your particular thoughts. They have to be things you believe. For instance, if you’re afraid of something, telling yourself “I am fearless” isn’t going to be an effective counter thought.

Noticing thoughts, and not engaging with them can be something that mindfulness meditation is helpful with. If I’m feeling anxious, if I just notice that feeling as a feeling, not something that is “solid”, I am less likely to generate catastrophic stories. It’s just a feeling. Feelings will fade away with time, but if we engage with them they generate more distressing thoughts and feelings. It takes practice to to learn these things. But it is possible to learn how to handle our emotions. Sometimes that also means taking care to eat well, get enough rest, not drink too much caffeine or sugar or alcohol. It also might mean limiting how much news we consume and paying attention to other sources of information or stimulation that brings up anger, anxiety, etc.

I hope this helps. Lots of good listeners here on 7 Cups so keep reaching out for help.