New Member Introduction
Greetings and best wishes to all.
I'm glad to have found this website through reddit. I have been seeing different psychiatrists and other mental health workers for a little over 10 years. Sadly, I have not had the best of luck, but I do take responsibility for myself and I can admit that I am at fault for making such slow progress over the years. Some issues have gotten better, but some new issues have emerged, and some exisiting ones have gotten worse as well. I'll try to be brief in my explanations.
Teenage years - Depression, social anxiety. (Nowadays I would think this stage was a cakewalk.)
Early 20's - Drug and alcohol abuse, becoming more eccentric, masking my depression and anxiety
Mid to late 20's - Drug and alcohol abuse worsens, psychotic behaviour emerges, violent tendencies make an appearance, diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD, spent some time in the psych ward
30 to (33 in September) - Drug use spiraled into using needles and smoking crystal meth daily. Frequent violent fantasies, bizarre and disturbing thoughts involving sex and violence becoming frightening, being arrested for a violent outburst, noticing that a lot of people are being "scared off" by my behavior and conversations. Diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.
The last 2 weeks - Quit all drugs over a week ago, reduced my alcohol intake to a few beer a night, behavior improving on the outside but inside the same disturbing thoughts and urges continue.
That is the best way that I can think of explaining things while trying not to write a book.
Current medications prescribed - Olanzapine 10mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Clonazepam .5mg X2 daily.
I appreciate any feeback. I have never been able to find support anywhere regarding violent thoughts/urges, or any help for someone labeled a sociopath. Everything I can find online is support for those dealing with a sociopath. I'm confused about that diagnosis, because most people tell me I'm the nicest and most helpful person they know, despite my unpredictable behavior.
It's been over a month without a hello. That's rather disappointing. :(
I love when you get an open and honest chat, it helps both the person and myself. Feels so fulfilling, however these are only 50% of the chats it is so hard to be open in life about ourselves- this is the reality.
This makes me so impressed with the job which a professional therapist completed every day. My feelings toward them is that they take a lot of load and love to be so open.
@goodPlane9543 Its Good That You are quieting this things. And I believe that a person should never be judged but if you di then do him on the basis of his present. You are taking positive steps and we all are proud of you. Go ahead and dont stip and look back
God bless You Take Care
