I’ve lost all sexual desire – I don’t know why
Hi everyone,
I’ve been with my partner for 2.5 years. In the beginning, things were beautiful — we didn’t live together, we’d go for romantic walks, read books, and just enjoy each other’s presence.
Seven months ago, I moved to another country, and since then, I feel like my sexual desire has completely vanished. It’s not that I don’t love him — I do — but I no longer want intimacy. I don’t crave sex at all.
I tried Kegel exercises, some supplements, even tried to force myself into the mood, but nothing works. All I want is to cuddle and maybe watch a movie. I don’t even feel like a woman anymore.
He once said that a relationship without sex can’t survive. I’m scared of losing him, but I’m also scared of forcing myself into something I don’t feel.
Has anyone else gone through this? What helped? Am I broken?
Any advice or support is appreciated.
First of all, thank you for your thoughtful reply 🌸🤍
In the first months, there was a satisfying attraction between us. But after a while, that spark faded. He started acting distant and rude. I asked him many times what was wrong and tried to find solutions, but nothing changed. He never gave small gestures of affection — not even a flower or a simple gift.
Due to political struggles and work, we had to leave our country and move to another one, and now we’re living in the same house abroad. Maybe that played a role. But the truth is, he never changed.
He even said that if there’s no sex in the relationship, it would end. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore…
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’ve tried to talk about this thousands of times before, but I’ll try again. I’ll express myself and my expectations. I really hope this time he listens and starts making an effort. I don’t believe he’s incapable of understanding something so obvious and important, because when he bought a TV, he said he bought it for me. But honestly, I don’t want a big TV I just want a small flower. He’s the one who enjoys the TV anyway :)
Anyway, I’ll try again. I really hope we can fix this 🌸
@helpfulPenny2142
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are going through.
As a heterosexual man (with some female insight, I hope) I am trying to see this situation from two points of view. On one hand, your partner doesn't have any right to expect sex when you don't need it, whatever the reason might be. On the other hand, you cannot expect from him staying in a relationship without sex if that mater is important for him.
I think it is quite natural that after 2 or 3 years sex in a relationship may become slightly less important, with growing emphasis on emotional connection and mutual understanding.
Apart from physical or psychological reasons of becoming asexual (like side effects of hormone therapies/contraception, antidepressants, pregnancy issues, traumas, guilt/religious beliefs)... You said your partner was rude, behaved like distant and with "no flowers or gifts" attitude. I think that attitude from a man could devastate a relationship no matter how much you try - while it seems you are trying alone.
You are a person, not a robot. And it is really natural and understandable that for desiring intimacy you need to feel the emotional connection and believe that you are cared for. If your partner doesn't understand your need to feel important and appreciated, that's bad for him.
Reading these from a man’s perspective is very valuable to me. Thank you so much for your comment and opinion 🌸🌸