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Why can't I just find someone who will love me for who I am?

26 Answers
Last Updated: 12/17/2020 at 7:59pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
August 11th, 2015 11:53pm
You can. And you probably already have. The real trick is finding out who they are. Open your eyes to people you never thought about in that way before. Love likes to hide.
June 27th, 2020 10:19am
As cliché as it sounds, you will find someone. It takes time. Real love, or 'true love', shows up when you least expect it. Finding someone who loves you for who you are is far easier said than done. People often judge others for things, including things that are out of their control. And because of that, it might be hard to feel loved for being yourself. Finding your soul mate or life partner happens without any effort. There's no way to predict it or force it to happen. The only thing you can do is wait it out. You can spend time improving yourself and doing the things you love. Patience is key.
August 30th, 2015 4:34pm
Sometimes people look for love in the wrong places. Other times people search for it too much that the result would be finding someone who is not really meant for them. It has always been my belief that there is a right time for everything. Waiting might be difficult because not everyone wants to wait. But once that person enters your life and accepts you for who you are, you'll be able to say to yourself and to that person "it was all worth the wait". For the mean time, try to establish first who you are in such a way that whether that person is the right one or not, you would not lose yourself and be confused.
September 29th, 2015 8:54am
you will find someone one day. There is someone out there for everyone, the best time they will come along is when you are least expecting it. Just live happy, concentrate on yourself and your life, and you will find it :)
June 21st, 2015 11:21pm
In my experience, love finds you when you least expect it. So just do what you love and maybe you will find someone who loves the same thing.
November 23rd, 2015 6:30am
You will. I promise, it takes time. I have dated people who I thought were the one but they ended up breaking my heart. You got to hold on, it takes time, but it will come. I promise!
April 5th, 2015 3:27pm
You will, just stay true to yourself and be who you really are. First, love yourself, accept yourself, don't try to be somebody you're not.
April 5th, 2016 1:16pm
You will eventually find someone who loves you for you, don't change yourself for someone else because that's not who you are and who you are is all that matters. People are loved for mostly their personalities and you will find someone who loves yours.
August 29th, 2016 6:17pm
One day, in time you will. You are amazing just some people may not realize that. Just wait and someone will.
February 1st, 2017 9:27pm
You will find someone who loves you more than anything, and really cares about you. That person could be anywhere. It might take some time to find them, but give it some time and you will meet some really great people and someday, you will find the person you love the most. It's okay if you feel like you won't find anyone, because you don't know what the future will hold: focus on yourself and the most important things in life for you at the moment. :)
January 24th, 2017 3:12pm
You will not today or tommorow but you will some day. You just need to wait and good things will happen eventually.
August 2nd, 2016 2:17am
Do you love yourself for who you are, if you do then make sure that that person loves you the same way too.
November 21st, 2017 9:31am
One day you will find that someone and when you do, it'll feel like they've been there all along. They will see the light in you like no one else. The happiness they will bring you will be worth every minute you had to wait. All you have to do is continue to be you.
April 25th, 2015 5:38am
I will just say one thing you are doing great and never stop searching. You will find someone. Trust me.
February 15th, 2016 9:46pm
Okay, the first step is to love yourself the way you are. That is so important and if you have people around you that care about you... You already found people that loves who you are. If we're talking about relationships,the right one will come.
February 2nd, 2017 9:16am
Truly loving someone is scary. Opening your entire mind and body to someone is difficult for at least both of the people involved. You may be having trouble finding someone willing to open themselves up like that, or not loving yourself. If you're lacking confidence in yourself, try to raise that, and find someone. Loving someone completely also takes time; we can't as people expect to find love on the first swipe.
April 18th, 2017 4:11pm
It may take some time to find someone who will passionately love every aspect of you. The world is big and filled with many different types of people, but don't give up hope. Many people are looking to find someone to love them too.
August 17th, 2015 7:23am
In middle school, I had this same problem. I felt pressured to look for and find love, but it just wasn't the right time for me. There's someone out there for yoy, you just have to wait.
August 25th, 2015 10:51am
I want to accept myself. Know who I am and what I stand for. Others will look and desire, and I will give, but still hold.
May 30th, 2016 8:34pm
Because probably you spend too much time worrying about whether or not someone will love you for who you are , rather than focusing on on yourself. After all, if you don't love yourself for who you truly are who is ever going to do it?
June 25th, 2018 2:11am
It can take what seems like forever to find the right person. They often find you when you are not looking. Learn how to love yourself first. Understand that you will never find peace through someone else, because peace comes from learning trust, understanding and love within yourself first.
May 27th, 2019 11:27pm
You will. But first, you need to love yourself. Once you do that, you'll know what is right for you and would not be disheartened. Cause one day, you'll find that person who would love you for who you are. Be yourself. Many would try to change you, but true love helps you grow in life. Therefore be true to your own feelings. Know that you matter. If someone loves you they will understand your feelings and would always be there when you need them. But it will take time. Do not compromise with your feelings just to be with someone who doesn't care about your feelings. Love comes with respect, trust, and honesty. You'll know it when it is true love. So take your time.
June 30th, 2015 4:37am
you can, its mostly yourself no liking who you really are or you dont know who you really are (totaly fine we all loose ourselves and change its good to seek help if it has bad effects on your life)
July 15th, 2019 1:03am
You should know that the most important love is love from yourself. You should make sure that you love yourself before you start looking for love from anybody else. And don't rush it really. The right person for you is out there, and you two will meet when the time is right. He will be the one who will love you for who you truly are for your personality. In the meantime don't rush it. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself. And learn to be happy by yourself before you bring someone to share your life with. I'm sure that you are a wonderful person!
December 10th, 2019 4:56pm
Patience is key. There are people that will love you for you! They are just hidden behind those that don't. Don't give up!! You are worth being loved! My grandmother taught me that you can count on one hand the amount of people in life that love you and would do anything for you. I have found that is true for everyone so imagine how long it can take to find those people. Once you do though, it's worth the wait! My circle is small but amazing! Yours will be as well! There is a lot of support here and lots of love in the meantime!
December 17th, 2020 7:59pm
I think some people just find love in the wrong places. I think you should be able to focus on yourself and sometimes you gotta wait for true love to find you. I have tried to chase love and ended up tearing my self apart. Today I my relationship ended because they wanted someone else instead of me. Sometimes it's better to be single then have yourself be broken all over again. I hate the feeling to lose something you love but I also need to take a break and forgive myself and love myself before I can try to love someone/something first. Always put yourself first.