Why do my parents treat my sister better than me?
Last Updated: 11/12/2020 at 6:10pm
Michael Hofrath, Ph.D. Candidate
The only way to the other side of pain is to walk through it rather than around it. Life is a continual journey. Sometimes we get stuck. I will help you get unstuck!
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I have the same problem, I think it's because she's younger than me. She treats my sister so much better than she treats me. She lets my sister get away with anything. My sister is a terrible person and I don't want her to be. Whenever I try to tech her something we fight, and my mom takes my sisters side. She could murder a person and my mom would say it's fine, she's a child, she's younger than you, but she's not she's old enough to understand what's wrong but my mom doesn't teach her anything. She's not even there half the time, I am.
Before reaching this conclusion, there are many factors to consider. Firstly, what is making you suspect this? Is it something age-related, where your parents are giving extra freedoms to her than to you, due to a higher level of maturity. Do you know all the facts surrounding the "special treatment"? If you are really worried, you could approach either your sister or your parents about this for more clarity.
Sometimes my parents treat my sibling better than me simply because my sibling's younger. I just have to forgive whatever my sibling has done and bear the consequences.
First I want to share with you that I am really sorry to hear that you feel your parents treat your sister better than you. In my personal experience that would make me feel sad, and question what it is about me that makes them treat my sister better...that being shared, would you consider taking stock of this situation, and maybe try to get some perspective, to try to understand if your parents are truly treating your sister better than yo, or if this is perhaps, just perhaps, a perception that you have that isn't actually the case? I would never invalidate how you feel, I just think that, in my personal experience, it is very easy for most of us, as human begins, to get focused on what we percieve as being slighted...another option you could consider is working with a mental health professional. You might also consider focusing on taking grew care of yourself, and spending as much time with friends and other family that support you. I know you asked why your parents treat your sister bette than you, and I will share with you that. personally, in my experience, if the truly do treat your sister better, you may not ever get to know that answer to that question, and that would require a great deal of acceptance on your part, if you are willing to go down that path in your journey with this. However, you could, if you feel comfortable with it, ask your parents to have a heart to heart with you about your feelings on this. Or you might consider writing a letter to your parents if you feel more comfortable with that. You know you and your parents and your feelings and the relationship you have with your parents best, so of course these choices are best made by you. These are just ideas I wanted to share with you from both my personal experience and what I have observed in supporting other friends and families with situations that I perceive as similar to what you briefly asked here.
I don't why, but don't let it get you down. If you aren't feeling supported by your parents, find other people who will celebrate your accomplishments and provide you with the love you need.
Sometimes family can make us feel incompetent, useless and even not worth. However what draws a fine line between positive and negative is our very own interpretation. Even though our parents maybe treating all their children equally we still feel a lack of attention and sometimes a lack of love from them. Our parents treat every child equally but we become so used to that attention and care, that when we feel them getting closer to our other siblings we get scared. We start thinking negatively. Why not think positive and feel that maybe its alright sometime to not be the center of attention. Let things lose, let it out, let people be what they are and not feel so useless by their actions. Take that energy and transform it into something which describes what you are.
I know your parents love you and your sister the same, your sister loves you too. Don't compare yourself to her because you are perfect
That's actually a great question. I have this problem also. I have two sisters one is 18 and the other one is 26. I'm 20 and my parents treat the both of them better than me. It's something that I will never understand. Some people say that age plays a big role in this type of issue, but to me age has nothing to do with it. Maybe they are hard on you because they expect more for you in your life. Maybe they do it because they know that you can do better. I will never know, but those are some things to look at in place of thinking that they are just mean and don't like you for some reason, which I will be honest with you I still feel the same way that you do when it comes to my parents and my sisters, but just try to think positive. I know it will be difficult, but you CAN do it.
At some point, they treat the younger better not because they love her more, but they are just afraid not to live with her as much as they did with you, so they try to give her as much as they can. So drop this thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the family life :)
There could be many reasons for why parents treat one child better than the other. Maybe there's a history behind it, in which case, only they'd be able to give you the answer if you don't know it already. Or, maybe they aim to treat you both the same but its coming across as favourism; try to count the amount of things they do for you and you'll realise how much they actually do. Or, maybe they just think that you're old and mature enough to handle things sensibly whilst your sister needs more attention and support. Or, it could be something completely different from these reasons. Think about why indeed parents would do that.
It could be multiple reasons. For example, if your parents have always wanted a girl, your parents don't realise they're favouring her over you or could be a sexist reason such as she's female therefore she needs more attention and care than a male because she's "not as strong or capable" as a male. Yes, this is something that I have heard before and it is a shocking thing to say to someone. I would suggest talking to your parents about how you feel though. Chances are, they simply haven't realised they are favouring her over you.
Being a parent of more than one kid can be tough. You try to balance fairness with life lessons, and sometimes that's very hard. Talk to your parents and let them know how their actions make you feel. Then work together to find ways both they, and you, can support each other better.
I have felt this way before. Sometimes, the parents do not realize they are doing this. The best thing is to talk to them. They do care about how you feel and what you are thinking, but they can not read your mind.
This is a million dollar question I have been seeking answer for 40 + years now. I heard this exists irrespective of culture, religion, geography, etc. Lately, I developed immunity with that feeling, we can't make them treat equal. It is there problem not mine. I got to take care of my well being everyway possible. In a way, it gave me lots of freedom as I feel I am not obligated to help them in their old age. Don't worry if you are not treated equally to your sister. You have better control on your life than your sister
Sometimes we tend to compare ourselves to our siblings. And I understand it can be very frustrating to think like our parents treat our brothers or sisters better than us, but 'course sometimes we just have to understand. Or talk to our parents about how we feel and see what they have to say.
Is she younger to u?? Dont they do the things they for her? There might be some reason..try seeing the love..avoid all that..after all she's your sister :)
Sometimes parents see that one child needs more than the other. They may not see it as giving you any less, but just as providing your sister what she needs. To find the real answer, you will have to talk to them, but know that it doesn't have to be a personal attack on you. It's valid to notice this and feel a bit hurt about it, but don't feel too bad when you don't have an answer from them. They are giving your sister what she needs, and maybe they just do not realize what you need: equal care and validation. Let them know this, and then move on from there.
I think your mom treats your sis better than you because she thinks that the people that are younger are more innocent. I do have these problems as well. I just guess you have to hide a lot of things from your sis so they do not complain and get your mom to listen to you rather than them. I also recommend not saying anything to your sis when you are doing something but you try to lie about it so they do not complain. Tell me if this works all right. If this does I feel happy for you.
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