Why am I not able to feel romantic love?
Last Updated: 02/28/2020 at 5:06am
Elaine Kish, LMSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.
Top Rated Answers
Romantic love is, in my perspective, just one of the many forms love can take. Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with not experiencing romantic love. Perhaps you could identify with one of the romantic orientations such as aromantic (doesn't experience romantic attraction), demiromantic (experiences romantic attraction only after establishing an emotional bond), grey/grayromantic (experiences romantic attractions on rare occasions). Or perhaps there are other reasons for this that you can discover by practicing self evaluation. Regardless the reason, know it is okay to not experience love in the same way others do.
This isn't a problem, and there isn't a reason. Some people are simply aromantic, or aro for short. They do not feel romantic attraction to any genders. Although they might feel sexual or platonic attraction, aro people simply cannot feel romantic attraction, and that's okay!
Perhaps you're over-thinking the concept of what romantic love truly is. It's confusing to understand what romantic love is nowadays because we see so many ideas of it in media. Romantic love doesn't mean that every time you look at the person you love, you feel a pang of wanting to be with them or passion. Rather, it means that you would do anything to make this person happy, you care about their feelings, and you consider your relationship with them a high priority to you.
You could be aromantic. Aromantics have no desire to pursue romantic relations with another person. Aromantics can sometimes be in a sexual relationship, but they don't feel any desire to seek out a romantic one. That's not to say they CAN'T experience romantic love. Sometimes, aromantics do feel romantic love after being in a sexual relationship for a while.
Sexual and romantic orientations do not always coincide. Just like some people are asexual, some are aromantic, meaning they don't experience romantic attraction. And that's ok! You can still be happy with all sort of person-to-person connections that you feel comfortable with - friendship, intellectual-emotional connection, sexual relationships... Anything is great as long as it makes you feel good! Love is not the only say to happiness.
Maybe now is not the time and you just want to have fun wait a bit and your time will come okay?
Well a lot of people are a bit disconnected from the romantic side. And it's fine, love can be shown in a lot of ways, romance doesn't have to be the only way.
Aromantics experience little to no romantic attraction. Deminromantics only experience romantic attraction after a close bond is formed. Not everyone feels attraction in the same way. Everyone is different, as are their preferences.
Our goal is becoming man .Lust is lowest rung . As we go on evolving we can feel higher levels such as romance , unselfish love etc, Where there is only 'You' not "Me' is highest rung ..i,e, You love me not still I love you as i find happiness in your happiness only. This is highest kind of love and evolution is the key . only everyone is on different rung climbing. Everyone going to be there someday .:)
Romantic love comes easy for some, other people it takes time. A real bond and trust need to be developed and one day that person who was just your friend yesterday will look like the love of your life the next. Give love time and don't try to rush it. Things may surprise you and fall into place
Maybe you're just not ready for it. Love is a crazy, painful, euphoric, strange, strange thing. When you experience it, it'll be scary and great and amazing. But that doesn't mean if you haven't, it's a bad thing. Not everyone is meant to fall in over right away, and that's okay. That means more time for you to focus on yourself, discover who you are :)
Everyone is different. There is a little something labeled as "Aromantic", where the person in question, does not experience romantic attraction towards others, but will still feel sexual attraction.
You could be aromantic: Someone who does not experience romantic attraction
You might be aromantic? Maybe google that and try to cconnect with the community to see if you can relate to them. Or maybe you haven't met the right person and this is also fine. It's okay if you don't feel romantic love, you don't need it to be happy. Surround yourself with people you care about and do things that make you happy, that's what counts the most.
Perhaps you haven't found the right person yet! No one has made you feel that special warmth in your life. Don't give up.
Some people have a difficult time feeling love, while others need a very strong relationship to feel it. Some people will feel more of an emotional attachment to a person that romantic love.
This could be down to multiple factors. Some people just aren't very romantic people, and don't get those connections often. Some people are naturally more romantic than others. Problems with apathy can also sometimes be a cause. Aromantic is a romantic orientation where you don't feel romantic love for people. It could also be a cause. Whatever the cause is, you're valid, and not feeling romantic love isn't as uncommon as you might think it is.
Being in Love is a beautiful feeling. We have a set of notions about romantic love, how when a girl sees a boy immediately there is spark and they are smitten by love. Well love is something which has to be mutual and it has to be nurtured. It may not start as love. Continuous interaction with a person and understanding can lead to love. Physical is one aspect of romantic love there is much more to it. It is behavior, personality traits that attract people to one another that may develop into a romantic relationship. You need to focus on who you are and be confident of yourself. Be good to yourself. Love yourself and you shall find what you are looking for.
You are an aromatic person. Aromatic people means those who are unable to feel romantic love. I think people assume aromatics to be inherently inconsiderate of other people's feelings or selfishly motivated. They equate someone saying, "I want nothing from this relationship other than sex," or, "I just want someone to watch movies with but not kiss," as saying, "I am a people user. You're no good to me other than serving this purpose and this purpose only." It's not like that at all. Not wanting a relationship to the extent that a romantic does doesn't make me a bad person. Why is it considered selfish to only expect a little bit from relationships? Why is it not considered selfish to expect someone's attention, time, affection, and gifts at all times of the day? I am also aromatic.
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