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How can I stop saying nasty things while angry?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 11/11/2019 at 3:23am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
February 8th, 2016 2:23pm
I used to have the same problem for a long time. And indeed I hurt so many people while I was angry. I did realize words can leave scars even if we didn't mean them. Here's what I did to solve this problem to some extent. *First, you will have to declare few people( in my case, three or four) on whom you won't shout no matter what happened. Choose wisely those people. You can even let them know. I know this might not solve the problem completely & it will take time, but it will definitely help you.
July 16th, 2018 11:32am
I have said some very very horrible nasty hurtful things to my partner which I completely regret...I feel so low when I do realize how hurtful the things I say to her...I now realize I need to think what will happen the next time I say something nasty to her and I either go for a walk and breath....or read a page on line about anger control...which I find helps me...but any other suggestions I will take with open arm
June 13th, 2016 1:24pm
There are skills you can use to help yourself when youre angry. Try looking up the decider skills which helped me a lot.
January 2nd, 2018 6:15pm
I always remind myself with this quote when I find myself angry at some. "it's okay to be angry but never okay to be cruel". As difficult as this maybe, I've learnt over the years to walk away or not respond to someone when I am angry at them but to rather remove myself from the situation and calm down. I think the things I would love to say to him/her but don't say it. After I stop seeing red I often am thankful I didn't say all those nasty things because it would 1. never be able to be taken back and 2. I would not regret anything or feel guilty.
January 7th, 2015 12:24am
When you feel yourself getting angry, just take a deep calming breath and count backwards from 30. Maybe even 50. That always helps. If not, say bubbles instead of your nasty words. I guarantee that one or both of you will start laughing and forgetting why you were angry in the first place.
May 8th, 2018 6:38pm
It’s ok to be angry it’s a normal human emotion but we can hurt others by projecting our anger onto them and hurting them in many ways including saying hurtful things. Sometimes we can choose not to say nasty things because we might regret them but sometimes the words just come out before we can stop them. Often this is because we have been suppressing our anger towards someone without letting it out in a healthy way. Sometimes it’s best to take time out for a while to calm down before trying to express in an unhurtful way how we feel. Not so easy!
June 28th, 2018 9:25am
I was finding that when I got into a fight with my girlfriend and felt hurt by what she was saying, doing and acting, I would heat up and get an absolutely unstoppable desire to hurt her back. I always regretted what I’d said the next day and even though I definitely believed and knew she had caused the problem in the first place I always found myself as the one that was apologising for my uncalled for actions. I hated the weakness of my actions and regretted being that person. My solution was,”and it worked “, I went to their phone number and changed their name to something to remind me and deter me from saying something I would surely regret. I would change her name too, DONT YOU DARE BE WEAK STOP, YOU’LL REGRET IT ETC NAME YOUR DESIRE TO NOT REACT AND WHEN YOU GO TO CALL OR TEXT YOULL READ WHY YOU SHOULDNT. You need to make a conscious decision to yourself while writing this message to adhere to your warning no matter what.
March 13th, 2015 3:38am
Try keeping a journal. There are journal apps that you can even download onto your phone. Whenever you have an angry thought, direct it in your journal. If the thoughts are directed to an individual, write that person a letter in your journal. Write all the things you want to say, no holds barred. It may give you a sense of release to get it all out on paper, without actually resorting to verbalizing it to the person.
July 19th, 2016 6:46am
I usually stop, check my breathing style, count to ten, think calmly about the right response and then speak. Its just a 10 count as I've figured what to say calmly by then.
January 7th, 2015 12:02am
I instead tell the person that I would like to talk later when I am not angry. If the conversation is not unavoidable, I take a moment to breathe and recognize what I am trying to communicate.
June 18th, 2015 5:55am
I once heard a quote that stated the angry and the drunk always say the truth. And this may be true but its always good to choose your words wisely because you can not take them back. When you are angry, think to yourself, are these words harmful? Do they have good intentions? Does the other person need to hear these words? Can I say this without being angry?
March 5th, 2019 5:43am
Pause and think before saying anything. Personally for me, I would usually go somewhere alone to stay calm and find my peace. I don't know if this counts, but sometimes I would just write the nasty things on paper or on my phone's note, or on my private social media, just for myself to see. It's important to get it out of your chest somehow, it also helps you to understand what you really want to say. Most of the time, nasty things are just the cherry on top, while there's actually some points you really wanted to say. So after I feel calm enough, I would confront the person with better wording to really make them get the point of the message I'm trying to convey.
May 1st, 2018 4:02pm
Well, the first step is asking yourself questions. Ask yourself, why am I mad? Who am I mad at? Will being mad help me in any way? And developing self control, always think before you say anything. I use to be really insensitive, saying whatever whenever I want, I soon realised I had hurt people so think about what will happen next IF you say this. Tomorrow you’ll have to live with what you said today.
January 4th, 2016 10:23am
To stop saying nasty things you can just ignore the other person or just say, "I need to rest for a bit," and go to your room.
November 11th, 2019 3:23am
Good question on your anger- I worked through something similar to this. It is so easy to explode when you are frustrated, angry, or upset at someone. When this happens to me, I ask the person for plenty of time to process what has happened. That way, I get time to be angry by myself and decide what I really feel, and get over the initial shock of what has happened. Time then helps me formulate a mature response that can be delivered in a calm way. Using "I" statements like "I felt..." instead of using "you" statements like "You are rude..." can also help to keep blame off the table and help you keep a level head.
August 4th, 2015 12:01pm
The best way to shut your mouth while you are angry is to take a deep breath and sit down wherever you are, in my opinion it`s the best possible solution to overcome this challenge.
December 22nd, 2015 1:59pm
Sometimes when you're angry it's easy to get caught up in the moment and say things you later regret. Perhaps you could try removing yourself from the situation or trying to take a moment to think before replying to somebody?
May 16th, 2015 11:00pm
By saying cute words instead of saying nasty things... Well, that works for me. I mean, instead of saying f***, I say some funny danish words instead. Or, if I am really angry, I take a really deep breath.
May 23rd, 2015 5:06am
Move to a space where you are by yourself because you have nobody around that has the possibility of increasing the tension. Closing your eyes and taking deep breathes will help ease the tension that you're holding.
February 15th, 2016 12:32pm
By trying to remove yourself from the situation and find a way to cool down, maybe writing all these things you would like to say to the person down on a piece of paper? Remember to breathe in deeply and to try to see the situation from their point of view if you can.
August 1st, 2016 9:35am
We can just stay away from the place and look for another that would give us peace of mind. Inhaling fresh air can help too gettin rid of the anger.
December 13th, 2016 8:21am
When you feel that you're starting to get angry, remove yourself from the situation and find a safe place to calm down and possibly listen to music, or do a breathing exercise, do something that distracts and calms your feelings of anger.
May 23rd, 2016 2:00pm
Instead of saying things maybe go and write your angry out go for a walk to make you feel better or even just taking deep breaths or taking a nice shower or bath to calm you down.
June 13th, 2016 4:54pm
for me it helps to count to ten to think over your response before answering
June 27th, 2017 7:45am
Take a moment to stop and take a breath. Count to ten is also a way to calm your brain and clear your thoughts enough to not let your emotions control you