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Why do I always have more trouble managing my anger than any other emotion?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 05/05/2020 at 4:08am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Elaine Kish, LMSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.

Top Rated Answers
CaveOwlet
February 11th, 2015 12:03am
Anger is destructive and scary, and it can lead to aggression, both physical and verbal. Anger often demands immediate reaction and response. Maybe it's not about it being harder to manage, but more about it harder to manage quickly, before things get out of control. Many other emotions can pass over time, or be dealt with later at a more convenient time. Anger, though, demands immediate action and thus is much harder to deal with on the spot.
ramsatw131
June 9th, 2015 1:35pm
Anger demands response. It is an active emotion. When you are angry it usually means that you have been wronged in some way, which then causes you to have a drive to take action. It takes work to control, but it is very possible.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2015 12:00pm
well in life we get a lot of lesson to cope with our feeling and to develop a mechanism that would fight the trigger of the emotion, so all you need is to have that lesson by gathering knowledge or asking
positiveUnicorns26
January 26th, 2015 1:19am
The emotion of anger is neither good nor bad. It’s perfectly healthy and normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged. The feeling isn't the problem—it's what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a problem when it harms you or others.
Anonymous
January 28th, 2015 11:13pm
Anger is like a potent drug. And it can surprise you without warning. Pent up tension, physical or emotional pain, and frustration can all lead to out of control anger. I think anger derives from two things: a prolonged feeling of pain and suffering, and also from a feeling of not having control. Manage the pain, and gain more control in your life and you will be closer to mastering your rage.
specialParadise50
May 11th, 2015 10:34am
well it depends it might be someone you don't like and they are always around or something else but try and focus more on the positive not the negative ok? :)
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 8:46am
It really does depend on your circumstances a great deal. Strictly answering the question as a learning non-expert, it could be related to previous trauma or intense stress, which would cause a more intense emotion than those more manageable emotions you might be referring to. Managing intense emotions is a bit different, requiring - counterintuitively - a lighter touch to avoid adding to the problem. The energy you put into fighting an intense emotion comes out in the intense emotion. Normally, while facing an external situation, this helps to give us a little more energy or motivation or instinctive guidance. It doesn’t work that way when facing ourselves. When we need to control our emotion, we don’t need more of that emotion or more of a complementary emotion. That’s the why of it, as far as I understand. As for what to do? There are resources on the web, in books, on this website and elsewhere. You can also visit a therapist.
HonestlyHufflepuff
August 4th, 2015 7:25am
People fall on a range of emotional expression, with internalization on one end, and externalization on the other. Some people who seem to have all their emotions together are actually internalizing everything, to the point where they are unable to communicate what they need. Externalizing is the opposite problem, where if you're angry or hurt, everyone knows it immediately. Unfortunately, due to the lack of control, people usually will have negative reactions to you, and you'll be less likely to get what you need from them. The children I work with on the Autism Spectrum often have this problem. We work with them on developing healthy coping skills that can help them get back to a state of mind where they can think rationally and assertively verbalize (or at least gesture to) what they need. The next time you have an angry outburst, look back on it when you are calm and think what the signs were before hand. Did it become harder to articulate your thoughts or speak in a normal tone? Did your heart start beating faster, or is there some other physical reaction. Learn the signs to when you are "ramping up" and act proactively to prevent an outburst! Here are some coping strategies: 1) Say "I need a break" and remove yourself from the scene. Even if it's not appropriate to leave the situation, it's probably better than losing control of your emotions. There is no shame in taking a break. It shows self-control and maturity, and people are often able to talk things out after just 1-5 minutes alone. 2) Breathing exercise. This is consciously changing the physiological effects of anger, which in turn can affect the hormones released in your body- and those effect your emotions. An example- take a deep breath in for five seconds, hold for seven seconds, and release for ten seconds. Repeat three times, and you'll most certainly have control of yourself again! 3) Change the channel. If you can, go occupy yourself with something you enjoy until you calm down. Work out, watch Netflix, whatever it is to get your brain calm. This is called "sublimation" and is actually recommended by therapists. It's not a way of avoiding your problems, but a way of putting your mind in a recharged state to be able to deal with them! 4) Have some established rules. I have already made a decision that if I write a post or an email in a highly emotional state, then I will never send it right away (I save it as a draft and re-read it later). If you have rules for yourself about how you'll act in a situation, then you'll be more likely to follow through on that in the heat of the moment. There's nothing wrong with being someone who tends to externalize your emotions! That probably means you express positive emotions more openly, too!
Anonymous
August 4th, 2015 9:56pm
For many of us, anger seems like a primary, knee jerk reaction. The truth is often times anger has its roots in fear or another emotion. It's easier for us to show that we are angry instead of in pain or scared. When we show anger, it is as if we uncork a shaken bottle of champagne. It's really hard to put the cork back in while everything is rushing out. This is why anger is so easy to show but so hard to control.
heavenlux
August 10th, 2015 3:00pm
Anger is one of the most negative emotions, it's not like sadness, for example, which implies weakness. Anger can bring out the worst of every person, and because of its greatly intense nature, it is extremely difficult to manage. I could recommend searching for relaxation techniques that could help you dealing with this feeling.
Here2HelpYouThrough
April 25th, 2017 4:16am
Anger is a hard thing to manage because it comes all of a sudden and we have a hard time dealing with how to handle it. It is one of the most vicious emotions, as it has many emotions wrapped into one. This is normal. Just take a breath and let everything work its way back down to a calm level.
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2017 12:29am
Anger is one of our strongest emotions. From my experience I've found that whilst I can control most other emotions, anger can be hard. This is particularly when I've bottled anger up and pretended to be okay. After a while, I can rage out over something small because eventually the anger must come out. Also, when around someone who for some reason triggers anger around you, it can be hard to pretend.
Lunamara
January 22nd, 2018 11:34pm
When I was a child it was so hard to understand why and how my anger could just take over, I would find myself thinking, saying and doing things I did not truly mean. It was almost like an out of body experience, and I had to learn to noticed the feelings as they started to build and what would work to stop things from reaching my breaking point. Sometimes walking away and finding a quiet place where I could read and listen to music by myself in near silents would help, or even just going for a walk could be helpful. but over time I knew that did not cut it for some of my anger. You see I felt a lot of stress and even if I was not reacting I still felt the Anger, so once again I thought about the problem and over time realized that I needed to voice my hurt to others and not just to myself, saying things like "I am really upset by that", or "I want to talk with you but how you are talking to me is hurtful, could we speak later" and so on seemed to help get the anger out of my head and stopped it from turning on myself. In short we as humans feel, it can be good and bad, but we have to understand that its natural and understanding our limits and how to best interact with others and care for our own well being is key to handling strong emotions like anger.
Anonymous
March 5th, 2018 1:55pm
Anger is an irrational emotion, which leads to irrational behavior. Irrational behavior is the hardest to control because you know you should calm down, but you simply can't.
courageousBreeze48
March 5th, 2018 3:25pm
Because anger is an emotion that generates an enormous amount of energy, managing this type of energy takes an enormous effort
Aya1
May 5th, 2020 4:08am
When your angry, you forget all logic. Instead of relying on the facts, you rely on emotions. You don't stop to breathe and rethink and assess the situation. Instead, you focus on what YOU think is right, and completely disregard how others feel. In fact, it even leads you to forget what you did wrong, often times making you believe you are 100% correct. At times, you start thinking "oh my god, how could they do this to me," which is when ego starts playing a role. This is why it's much harder to manage anger than any other emotion.