Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

What do I do if my teen daughter wants on birth control?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 09/14/2020 at 5:45pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
October 24th, 2014 12:04am
I would personally ask her why. A lot of times, it has nothing to do with sex but controlling her period. If she bleeds a lot or has a lot of pain from it birth control will help. Otherwise if she is sexually active then it will protect her from being a teen mother. So do what makes you both comfortable.
December 28th, 2014 1:42am
I think this is a wonderful opportunity to bond with your daughter. If she came to you with such an important question, she might have done it for more than one reason. One, and the most obvious would be that she feels ready to start their sexual life, in which case...I can only congratulate you as a parent - she decided to come to you, to trust you with a very intimate information, instead of searching on the internet or going to a friend her own age or her partner (we all know you there are so many other places where she could have gone, but she trusts you and understands that, as a parent, YOU are a much more reliable source of information than any other out there). This is an important step in her life and you should not break this bond of trust or have a reaction that might make her hide from you from now on. Providing her with all the answers is crucial, you don't want to confront with other dares later on - unwanted pregnancy, STDs etc. On the other hand, she might just want to talk about boys in general or a boy that she likes in particular, so having a good gossip about that could bring you closer, so if she asks you about birth control maybe you might want to take the opportunity to find out about other aspects in her love life that are important to her and that she might be eager to share. You probably feel that she might be too young for this step, and it's understandable. Until the time you will start craving for grandchildren, it's natural to want to see your baby...well...a baby. You held her in your arms when she was tiny. But right now, she's more than just that, she is ready to be a friend and you should take into consideration if that's the kind of relationship that you want with her. Which in my opinion is healthy for her and for you. Still, an important information that she should get is that quality sex involves knowing your partner's body well enough, and that is complicated enough so she should take some time to find out as much as possible about the person, to establish a bond of trust, so that her first experience will become a beautiful memory later in her life.
November 28th, 2014 3:53pm
If your teenage daughter is interested in birth control it would be a good idea to talk to her about the risks, both physical and emotional, of having sexual intercourse at such an early age, and with someone who is not her husband or a long-term, committed partner. If, after this conversation, she is still interested in knowing more about contraceptives you should review the various types available, being sure to discuss the pros and cons of each one.
April 10th, 2015 7:36pm
I have a teen daughter myself. I've talked with her about safe sex and all the consequences that could come as a result of choosing to be sexually active. Her father was adamantly against birth control or providing her with anything to do with being sexually active. I talked to him about my views, in that by providing her condoms or birth control, it wasn't to say I'm okay with her being sexually active. Her and I have had many conversations around relationships. By providing her with birth control, or condoms I'm giving her the means to make safe and educated choices. I can't stop her from having sex if it's what she choses to do. I can however, provide her support and the education to make informed decisions. Ultimately, I feel with the right approach and conversation, there's nothing wrong with allowing your teen daughter to go on birth control. We can't control all their choices, but we do have the power to help them make smart choices.
August 9th, 2016 3:13am
You say yes because the alternative is, she'll figure out a way to do it anyways, only without birth control. That's teenager's for you. Also, you take the opportunity to talk with her about prevention of STD's. (Condoms! Boys don't usually like them, but if they refuse, it's because they don't care as much about YOU as they say they do. No matter how hot they are, these are the boys that will screw up your life and then toss you like last week's garbage. Dump them before they dump you. You deserve better.) She needs to know that birth control doesn't mean STD prevention, not even a little. She needs to understand how serious her decision is, and how it can effect the rest of her life if she messes up. Tell her that she only gets one body, and if she fails to protect it, the consequences will be all hers for the rest of her life. It's a big step, though, so make sure she understands you're acting a little nervous because you're her parent and you care about her health and well-being, not because you don't trust her to make good decisions. Tell her that coming to you about this, for instance, was a very good decision. It's proof you can trust her to keep making good decisions about these kinds of things in the future.
December 8th, 2014 6:41pm
Inform her that birth control may protect against pregnancies, but they DO NOT protect against STDs, which could lead to sterility or worse.
Anonymous - Expert in Parenting
May 14th, 2015 7:10pm
First, you could applaud her for wanting to be safe. It takes a lot of courage for a girl to come to her parents to talk about this topic. The next thing would be to talk to her about why she wants to be on birth control. Make sure it's for the right reasons. If you don't think it is, then talk to her and express why you don't think it's a good idea.
December 9th, 2019 1:37am
Her choice shows great maturity and responsibility. She has the right to explore her sexuality, and wanting to get birth control show that she's aware of the risks and willing to prevent them. You can support her choice, take her to a gynecologist who can help her find the right method for her, you can talk to her about sexual health and all the risks connected - including STDs.
November 2nd, 2014 8:02pm
Get her it! The monetary cost of control is far less than the monetary cost of a child. You're doing her a favor.
December 2nd, 2014 8:20pm
I think as a teenager myself that it's the safer option than anything else. It's better to know that she is experimenting sexually and she's being safe about it than not knowing at all and finding out when she gets pregnant.
July 3rd, 2017 12:46pm
Understand that this is her decision. Offer her your support. Appreciate her honesty, she could have gone to the doctor and gotten it without letting you know. Your feelings, views and opinions do matter but have no place in trying to influence someones private health or sexual rights. Educate yourself on options and try and make sure she's educated too. Above all else be proud you have such a responsible daughter!
December 18th, 2014 2:32am
Support her. It's always a hard moment when you see your girl grown up. But that's a mature decition
December 30th, 2014 11:20pm
Talk to her about why she wants it. She may want it for controlling her period or for sex either way it is a very responsible move for her to make. support her
February 15th, 2016 4:55pm
First I would be very shocked but I would be calm of the question. It is nice she is concern about being pregnant. i would get all the information about birth control and discuss the pro and con to make a decision.
March 2nd, 2016 6:02pm
Congratulations! Your daughter trusts you with one of the most personal and private things in her life: her sex life. This is an amazing opportunity for you to bond with your daughter, and form deeper layers of trust. The first thing that I would do, is to let her know that I am glad she brought this subject to me, and let her know that I am open to talking about these things with her. After all, its much better that she has brought this question to you rather than searching online, or visiting the doctor by herself. It is also better that you have open lines of communication with your daughter, so that she can bring any concerns and questions that she has to you in the future. I would personally much rather my child know that they can come to me when they are uncomfortable or questioning, rather than having them try to work out these things by themselves. The second thing I would do is to talk to her about why she wants birth control. Explain the possible side effects of birth control, explain the different types of birth control to her (you may have to research) and their pros and cons. Talk about safe sex, not just pregnancy prevention, but STD prevention, and emotional safety. Emotional safety is key. Make sure that she knows what consent sounds and feels like, and is able to define to herself when she is READY. It is important that she does not regret her decisions. However, make sure that you are not discouraging in this conversation. There is nothing worse for a questioning and curious teen than the parent who shuts them down with "wait until marriage" or "your too young." Though these are valid points, it does not help the situation at hand. Be open and kind with your daughter, she trusts you and needs you :)
September 14th, 2020 5:45pm
This is a very gray-area. There are certain aspects to consider in this situation. -medical; there are certain states that allow minors to seek medical care in regards sexuality without the consent of legal guardian(s)/parent(s). there are some stipulations. asking for birth control can be implied as being sexually active, while it can be true in most cases, medical providers may use birth control to regulate menstrual cycles or other female-reproductive-organ conditions. -parenting; if it is implied that your teen daughter is sexually active, at this point its important to educate her on sexual health rather than push down a disciplinary speech on her. if she is asking for birth control as a conscious method to avoid unwanted pregnancy, then it shows a level of understanding on consequences associated with being sexually active. education is important, and sometimes it may not be what we want as parents but if we can avoid future problems, thats sometimes the only thing we can do. **disclaimer** as a parent you have all rights to take care of your kids and sexuality is, and will always be, a sensitive subject. therefore, also consider always acting on the best interest of her safety and well being; specially if she is young. good luck!
May 21st, 2015 10:44pm
Well, I would let her take action regarding this at least she is somewhat practicing safe sex. Yes, Birth Control are contraceptives, but they do not protect against HIV/Aids or any other STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) but at least she is trying to prevent pregnancy especially at her age. I'm not saying that having sex as a teenager is right or wrong, but she is very mature if she wants to do this she's saving herself from becoming an adult as a teenager. When becoming a parent, that is something that she would have to do. Then there are rapist out there, and if she just so happens to get raped, at least she will not have to worry about being a teen mom. Let her take the step for getting Birth control and be proud of her for being a smart young lady. Also make sure that she knows that there is more Birth control methods out there other than the pill. I would recommend the Depo shot as it will prevent pregnancy for up to three months and the chances of you getting pregnant on the Depo shot are slim to none, but beware of all the possible side affects that goes for all Birth control methods. The pill is great, but you have to take it once everyday and it can be very hard to remember to do that, or you may end up forgetting that you took one for the day and end up taking another one by accident. Consult a physician and they will let you know everything that there is to know about all Birth control methods.
October 26th, 2015 1:33am
Largely I think it would depend on her age and emotional maturity, is it a good time for you to have an hoest conversation with her calmly about the emotional side of relationships and how she can keep herself safe not just from pregnancy?
January 11th, 2016 5:54pm
This depends entirely on circumstance, and I don't know enough about this situation to give you advice. But I would say that firstly, be glad she has come to talk to you about it. I'm sure there are ways she could get it without doing so. Secondly, find out why she wants to go on birth control. If it's due to sexual activity, your worry is understandable. But if it's some other problem, such as overly-painful periods or other health problems, try speaking to her doctor and trying to come to an agreement that will help everyone. Other than that, she is your daughter, and it's up to you and her together to have that discussion and decide whether she is old enough and responsible enough for this. I wish you luck.
June 20th, 2016 3:52am
It is good in a way that she knows that she needs to use birth control. You can give her an advice on why you think she is too young to be involving herself in activities that requires birth control, but all we can do is advice and hope for the best. But her knowing that she needs to take the steps to protect herself that is a good thing.
November 28th, 2016 3:42am
It is a complicated decision. I was in that position and asked my mother for birth control. She took me to the family doctor and we had a good discussion. I am grateful she helped me and I didn't have to deal with an unwanted preganancy.
July 27th, 2017 2:48am
Talk to your daughter honestly. She may want to be on birth control for sexual reasons, but more than likely it's because she is experiencing pain and significant problems from her cycle. Regardless, talk to her and try to understand why. She wouldn't approach you if it was for a small reason!
July 24th, 2018 3:08pm
Create as many opportunities for the two of you to talk as possible. Take her to get a pedicure or go out for coffee. It's more important to empower her with information about relationships and sex than the actual act itself. Help her to understand how to know when she is ready for sex and what qualities to look for in a suitable partner.
December 7th, 2018 12:47pm
I have a daughter, too, now 24yo as of this writing. In general, if your teen daughter wants birth control then my wife/me agree "yes" but its a great opportunity to try and build some connections as well. For some dads, its very difficult, and the most you might hope for is that your daughter know that you support her. For some moms, this is a very important connection to talk about her body and becoming a woman and about how her actions/inactions will be perceived and what that means. IMO, this is a good introduction to potentially other larger milestones that might occur in your daughter's life, so give it your full attention for a while, make sure you can establish the basics of communication (time, place, mood, outcomes, etc), research basic knowledge, and say a little prayer (if you're in to that). BTW, your daughter can always stop birth control and restart it again later. Good luck!