Who do I feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with?
24 Answers
Moderated by Joe Nelson, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Doctor of Social Work
Updated: Dec 22, 2023
Katheryn
on
Apr 3, 2015
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Can I tell you a secret? You're not the only one who feels like that. It's actually a normal thing to feel. When we get broken up with, it signifies to us that something is wrong with us, or that we weren't good enough. But those are just negative thoughts playing tricks with our heads, and they can really do us harm. It's up to us to challenge those negative thoughts and turn them into neutral or positive ones. Why didn't the relationship work? No matter how it ended, a relationship takes two people. So if it didn't work, maybe it means that you weren't a good pair. If you feel unlovable after being broken up with, maybe that means that you have to work on your confidence. Sometimes relationships don't work, and that's okay. Being broken up with is not a reflection of your worthiness to be loved, because you're amazing.
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Ashleena
on
Sep 27, 2014
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Because you were once treated so special that once all that has been taken away from you all you've left with is grief over what happened. It's just a stage of grief and with time you will feel better. You just have to be strong enough to do it
Anonymous
on
Sep 29, 2015
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You feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with because you loved that person so much but they apparently didn't feel the same way. It crushes you and you want nothing more than for the person to come back, explain it was a cruel joke or something and apologize. You feel like this because you loved this person with everything in you but they can just break up with you. You feel as if nothing matters anymore and that nobody else will love you. Because you feel lost and broken. And I still don't know how to get over it, but I'm working on it.
Anonymous
on
Oct 31, 2014
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Sometimes we seem to judge ourselves based on how people we value look at us, and even though they might have broken up with you for no fault of yours.... it can really make you doubt yourself as suddenly this person who you admire doesn't love you back. And you feel if this person doesn't love you back, nothing will make you feel happy and so you tend to feel unlovable.
Youarebeautiful93
on
Aug 1, 2016
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It's okay to feel like that, especially after a breakup, however it's not okay to believe that. Many a times after breaking up we feel like we're not worth it, like we're not capable of giving and receiving love. But that's just because of the fact that you've recently broken up and you're heartbroken. A broken heart tends to think like that you know. The pain after the high you feel when you're in love is unimaginable, especially if you were really in love with that person. It feels like choking, suffocating and drowning. Under all this pressure it's likely that people start questioning their worth. But let me tell you something, you're worth it, you're perfect and you're beautiful. Just because things didn't work out this time doesn't mean they won't work the next time. In these times never give up on yourself and wake up everyday thinking that somewhere out there, your true love lies, somewhere out there that person hasn't given up on you and somewhere out there they're fighting for you because they know, they know that you're worth it.
Anonymous
on
Aug 15, 2016
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The other person doesn't want to be with you any longer. Thus, you begin to question yourself, since you wonder what it is about yourself that appalled the other individual to the point that they couldn't be with you any longer. And, as you search for an answer, you inspect yourself harshly, and critically, thus, magnifying the negative aspects of yourself to the point that you feel like you're unworthy of affection. Since someone else couldn't love you, you feel like, you can't love yourself either.
Rach97
on
Oct 7, 2014
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My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. Although it wasn't the longest relationship ever, it was very hard to come back from. I ended up crying myself into mononucleosis after it, and it took a few months to finally get over that. But after i started hanging out with friends and telling them what i needed help with, they were happily there for me.
TeaWithAFriend
on
Nov 9, 2014
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You feel worthless and unlovable after being broken up with because you value things you believe you do not possess.
Julietteshay
on
Nov 10, 2014
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Sometimes, after a relationship ends, you are left feeling as though the heartache you feel will never go away. You think that you'll never move on or that you'll never feel the same way about anyone else. It really just takes time. The best thing to do is surround yourself with people who love you and to do activities that make you feel as though you are worth something! Because you absolutely are lovable and valuable!
Teikeji
on
Sep 29, 2015
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The chemicals in your brain make you love somebody, they are oxytocin and I think norepinephrine (oxytocin is the same chemical that goes through a woman's brain when she has a baby, it makes her uncontrollably love her baby. Even if she didn't want it). When the person you love breaks up with you it decreases your seratonin level, controls your mood, and makes you depressed. The initial love chemicals are still there but there is a decrease in seratonin. Basically you feel unlovable because the person you cared so much for didn't have the same chemicals towards you
Anonymous
on
Oct 30, 2014
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Because you just lost the person you shared your love and world with. You feel as if you weren't good enough because they left you when you wanted a forever or long time with this person.
sleepingKitten101
on
Jan 3, 2015
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It may be because you're not quite sure why you were broken up with. You may feel you did something wrong to provoke this. You may have also always had these feelings as if you're not really loved and this break up could have made them more real for you
CompassionateGirl90
on
Dec 20, 2016
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It's likely that you're interpreting "being broken up with" as a rejection. You may take it a little further and even say that it's the other person's way of letting you know that you aren't good enough for them. It's natural to feel hurt after parting with someone you care for deeply or love. It hurts even more if you're seeing it as a statement about your worth. How might you view this situation in a different, more empowering way? Maybe instead of focusing on the feelings of rejection and worthlessness, you could think about how it frees you to experience other relationships or get to know yourself better?
Anonymous
on
Aug 28, 2016
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You feel as if you gave your all to this person and they didn't appreciate what you did. You ask yourself why? You didn't do anything but love them. Those negative confusing feelings, bring you down and you feel as if you wasted your time on somebody. You even wonder if you did anything to make them feel that way. Everyone tells you it takes time but you just say to yourself they don't understand how I feel.
Anonymous
on
Dec 15, 2015
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Because you may not be seeing things clearly due to the feelings that you had for the person you broke up with. You could still be focusing on all of their good points and the good things that they did and ignoring all of their bad points and the negative things that they did that lead to the break-up in question.
TheHelpfulPillow
on
Sep 16, 2019
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You feel that way because someone you loved and cherished has just admitted they no longer see you as someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. It's completely naturally to feel like that, especially when you've poured your heart and soul into the relationship, believing you can make this work, and your partner will do the same.
But they haven't done the same. They no longer want you in their life, or at least not in a romantic sense where they love you more than anyone else in the world.
But there are people that love you, whether you've met them yet (parents, siblings friends) or not, people will be in your life that look at you as someone worth having around.
helpmeHelpyou61
on
Nov 3, 2014
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Everyone does. It is like the end of an era. But the most important point is to accept whatever has happened is your past and make a new future from it. It might not be easy, but it sure helps a lot.
Anonymous
on
Jan 30, 2018
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It is easy, after a breakup, to blame yourself for everything that went wrong. You just have to try to remind yourself that it was not all your fault, and no matter how great you may have been, you can not control another person's happiness.
Uniqueg
on
Oct 23, 2014
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I believe its a common feeling after a breakup, everything seems wrong and hopeless, but support from friends and family and time will help you move on and get better.
Anonymous
on
Nov 20, 2014
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You feel that you are worthless and unlovable simply because the person you thought is the one broke up with you...you feel that you are not good enough but YOU ARE!!
