How can I change how my family feels about me? I'm treated like the black sheep.
TeaWithAFriend
on
Nov 11, 2014
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The short answer is that you can never change the way anyone feels about you unless they're willing to listen so that they can understand rather than judge. The problem is, most people only listen so that they can judge and advise you on how to live your life exactly as they do. So, after decades of trying to please my family and feeling like the black sheep, I realized I really didn't like them and wondered why I was bending over backwards for people who didn't like me either. Instead of focusing my time, energy and thoughts on them, I focused on the people in my life who were positive and who wanted to understand me, listen to me, and who had interesting and helpful information for me when we interacted. In other words, I made friends with people who liked me the way I was and who I found interesting and engaging while strictly limiting my time with family to the bare minimum required for social convention.
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naturalForest32
on
Apr 21, 2016
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first stop trying to change their attitude towards you. treat yourself with respect and dignity .concentrate on what you can do.if they assume and believe you as the a loser , then dont bother to change their attitude . family is suppose to be a support when some one fails .so just be happy and do some thing for your self
Lailah
on
Nov 18, 2014
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Why do you feel that way? You can discuss with them how they were treated when they were young try to find the roots where your the black sheep.... don't feel alone because it's not your fault ...is there favoritism
Charity0
on
Nov 2, 2014
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I've been the black sheep in my family most of my life too. It is difficult to change what others think of you even if you're related. What we all can do is change how we view ourselves. I try not to think too deeply about how I'm the "black sheep" all the time and just focus on spending a certain amount of time with my family and try to enjoy my own life with the people in my life who make me feel cherished.
elleslovesyou
on
Mar 2, 2016
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Hey, the first thing that you have to know is that no matter what, you need to learn to accept yourself first before anyone else can accept you for who you truly are. The second most important thing to keep in mind that sometimes, it might not just be you or because of you that your family treats you that way -- sometimes bigger issues are running deeper into the situation and you just happen to blended into that. Always try talking to someone first about it, whether it be a guidance counselor, teacher, a Listener here on 7cups (!!) or even someone in your family...especially if you're feeling like an outcast and not your best self. But the most important thing to remember is that other peoples opinions don't, and shouldn't ever, shape everything that makes up you. Your family may feel that way and you may feel down because of it, and if it gets to you always just find a residence for your feelings inside of you or inside someone you trust. There will always be people in this world who care about you, and unfortunately, family isn't always the most obvious one. Stay strong and remember that you're not alone if you ever need help or advice :)
CoolMom
on
Nov 3, 2014
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Do whatever they want and they will love you more. Does that make sense? Of course not! They love you because you are you. Help them understand you more, through open communication, rather than changing yourself to someone you think they would approve of more.
ingridmarguerite
on
Nov 17, 2014
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Try to talk to your family more about how you feel about the way they treat you. If they can begin to understand how you feel toward their behaviour, it can really help to get them to treat you better.
Anonymous
on
Mar 18, 2016
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Hey, I can relate to that! Sometimes you carry so much magic that the rest of your family can't understand...what to do?
Anonymous
on
Apr 27, 2016
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Don't care about it. What others think of us is none of our business. Just enjoy your life to the fullest..
HerforU2580
on
Oct 23, 2014
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being the black sheep must make you feel lonely you need to work above it by reassuring yourself to build your self esteem this will give you a better perspective and show your family you deserve respect
luminousPainting36
on
Feb 17, 2016
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you cant change how they feel you cant control their emotions but you can change how you FEEL about YOURSELF! embrace who you are if thats the black sheep or the white one at the end of the day being the black sheep can be super cool when you learn to work it regardless of how they feel because you live in your body + mind so how much you value yourself exceeds anyone elses value of you youre with them for a temporary time but you carry yourself wherever you go so learn to do you and love you !
Anonymous
on
Apr 10, 2015
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try to start friendship with your family member don't look at your family like a just family & nothing more suppose your self & show them that you have great personality.
joyfulCandy52
on
Feb 18, 2016
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As much as we want to change how people feel about us or treat us, we must remember that we can only control what and how we feel about and treat others.
Anonymous
on
Feb 18, 2016
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I have also felt like this before and it is a hard emotion to overcome. Maybe you're just hanging around with the wrong crowd?
Anonymous
on
Mar 3, 2016
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Hey! I understand how that feels. I have been through the same thing. I always thought that I wasn't what my family wanted and that who I am wasn't acceptable. What made the situation significantly better was communication. I accepted that my family members are people too and I must give them the same acceptance I ask for myself. I realised that they are human too and I mustn't hold their mistakes against them. They had been judgemental in the past but talking to them and humanizing myself in their eyes helped a lot.
Taimur1999
on
Mar 18, 2016
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You don't need to degrade yourself, you have potential and you can do it. Trust yourself and show what you are passionate about. Be it anything, show your worth and prove to them that anyone can do it.
Anonymous
on
May 17, 2015
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No matter what you do your family will have their own opinions. You should only change for you. Just make sure they know how you feel and things will all fall in to place ♥
Anonymous
on
Jul 28, 2015
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Talk to them! Express your emotions! At the end of the day, they're family and will try to understand, therefore will want you to be happy :)
Anonymous
on
Nov 18, 2014
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You may sometimes feel as though this is the case, however your family may not be acting in such a way purposely. A lot is lost in translation, and I feel as though people tend to assume the worst in situations. I find it best to share my feelings with my family members in order to come to an understanding and fix the situation.
earthwalker3
on
May 15, 2015
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Have you spoken to them about how you're feeling? If not, address them calmly and don't be afraid to tell them exactly how you feel. Sometimes, we don't realise how our behaviour and speech affects another person as much as it does so it's important that they're aware of this. If so, it depends on how exactly they treat you. Are they being abusive? If so, then you can speak to a trusted adult, doctor, teacher, counsellor on what's going on. If you feel unsafe, you can alert childline or call an emergency number (varies depending on where you live) If they're just being mean, then there's isn't a lot you can do to make them change but you CAN change how you let it affect you. Laugh it off whenever they say something mean so they can see that what they say doesn't define you. Distract yourself with things that make you happy and feel better! :) You can message me if you'd like to discuss this further, I hope things get better! :)
