Separated from my husband, he call said he wanted to fix our marriage then 2 days before arriving signed up to a hook up site. I don't understand

That’s incredibly confusing and hurtful and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. When someone says they want to repair a relationship but then acts in a way that completely contradicts that, it leaves you questioning everything… and that’s not fair to you. It might help to remember: his choices aren’t a reflection of your worth. People sometimes say what they think you want to hear, or maybe what they want to believe in the moment but real change shows up in actions, not just words. You deserve honesty, not mixed signals. It’s okay to take a step back, protect your peace, and ask yourself what you need, not just what he says he wants. You’re not overreacting. It makes sense to feel hurt and confused. You're allowed to expect better.

I can hear how much you care about your marriage, and how much work you are putting in to repairing it. It is natural to feel hurt and confused when the actions of someone we care for does not match what they have promised. While we may not be able to control what others do, or recieve insight into why they behave this way, we can reflect on the impact those actions had on us. It may be helpful to consider: Did you feel seen and supported when your husband joined a hook up site? How did his actions make you feel? Imagine a friend asked you for insight regarding how to best show, through action, the commitment he made to repairing his marriage. How would you respond? I hope this will help you to better understand your situation.

Of course, it’s very confusing, and you have every right to feel mentally overwhelmed from overthinking. But have you tried sitting together and talking openly, and listening to his reasons for what he’s doing? I always see spouses as partners in a journey — partners in life, companions on a path where we don’t know what we might encounter along the way. That’s why honesty and clarity are important, so we can build and strengthen trust, which is one of the most important provisions for this journey. I hope my response is helpful.

That’s honestly really confusing and hurtful behavior to experience. Someone saying they want to fix a marriage while also signing up for a hookup site sends completely mixed signals. You’re not wrong for feeling blindsided or struggling to understand it. Sometimes people want the comfort of a relationship without wanting the commitment or accountability. That reflects on them, not on you. Right now, protecting your own peace and emotional well-being matters just as much as trying to understand his actions.