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AlyOneDay
1 525 M Embraced 4
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts84 Forum posts29 Forum upvotes63 Current upvotes63 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceApril 1, 2026
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To run away
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by AlyOneDay
Last post
 May 22nd
...See more Hi, Im Aly and Im a trans girl that hasnt started on HRT yet, and I think I need to vent a little. Lately, my grandfather (from my mother's side) has been writting a book about his hometown and his family. Long story short, the book ends with my generation (me and my cousins), for us to continue writting it in a future, the thing is he has put photos of every family member (since his grandfather all the way to me) and that made me realise one thing: when I transition, those photos and my name will have to change. Now, my grandfather has always been someone I've looked up to, and I know that he will respect me, but it makes me kinda sad that his work will suddenly have to change because of me. Also, this past weekend I went to visit my family (father's side), and I realised that I do not fit in. I've never did fit in with my father's side of the family, but now suddenly feels a lot more intense. Those two things have made me realise that a lot will change after I transition, the whole lot of explanations that will be needed, the awkward conversations, etc, etc... I do not fit in, not with my father's side of the family, nor with my friends group, the only space I feel accepted is with my mother's side of the family, my fondest memories are in the dining table with my family. Now Im terrified about that never being the same due to my transition, because although I know that they might accept me, nothing will ever be the same. I dont want to be a burden for the people that have only showed me love, so I've been wondering. Lately I've been on edge (getting angry at little things, being a *** to my family, etc...) and I've been fantasizing about living alone, now I see this situation and I wonder, maybe its best for everybody if I just dissappear, take the first train to far far away and keep on with my life away from everybody. Probably the only thing stopping me from doing so is my cousin, I wouldnt want to leave her, but running away seems so sweet. For the past years I've been trying to fight this fantasy, thinking that I shouldnt care about what other people think about me, and that I should just cut 'toxic' relationships and be myself, but I do care. Im still the 'people pleaser' I've been my whole life. Im still friends with someone who spread hurtful rumours about me, who talked behind my back to the point of breaking a whole friend group, and who makes daily comments that directly attack both my gender identity and my sexuality. My 'best friends' are two guys that made my two last years of highschool a living ***, humilliating me because of what I liked (shows, videogames, books...), feeding up my anger issues and leaving me unable to express what I love. I still live with my father's wife every two weeks, a woman who's been ruining my life since my father decided to cheat on my mother with her, since I was 9, and I have never even dared to argue with her. I think it will be better for the people around me (and for myself) for them to just think I dissappeared instead of knowing that Im trans. At least it will be less complicated. I want to start over. I know is selfish, and I really dont want to leave my cousin, but probably, if given the chance, I would run away.
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Shaking (TW!!!)
Self-Harm Recovery / by AlyOneDay
Last post
 April 25th
...See more It is too much. Why cant I feel worthy of my own skin? When will I feel worthy, if I ever do? Im getting anxious. Im shaking in the bathroom floor. I dont know what to do. I need to do it but my mother will see it and I will have to answer questions I dont really have an answer for. I just feel like this. I hate it. I dont want to feel like this. I want to change but everytime I think I may have a chance, my hopes just get crushed. I dont want to feel like this. I want to, one day, wake up and smile and be happy and stay happy. But the night comes and I just feel like a worthless pathetic excuse of a human being. I dont sleep. I barely eat. I want to feel something else.
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Hair/skincare advice
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by AlyOneDay
Last post
 April 12th
...See more Hi!!! Im Aly and Im a trans girl. I havent started on HRT yet (because the medical system sucks ***) but I want to start 'feminizing' myself. One of the most important things I want to learn to control is my hair. For context, I have a VERY curly hair, so even when I grow it out it just expands like a helmet in my head, so I was wondering if there were any products like a conditioner or something I could use as a routine to straighten my hair. I already have a very long hair, but its so curly that it always keep a boyish style. Also I've no idea of skincare, I dont know what kind of products I should use to make my skin smoother. Thanks in advance <3<3<3
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Trans girl
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by AlyOneDay
Last post
 April 16th
...See more Hi, I am a trans girl and Im 19 years old, and Im going in and out of consults in order to start HRT, but there are times where it just gets too dark. As the medical system keeps delaying my transition (they give me an appointment two months from now just to 'make sure that Im sure') doubts haunt my mind, but not doubts as in 'Am I trans'?, because I know that I am, but rather 'do I deserve it?'. I grew in a very 'conservative' home, and I still live in there, so is common to hear my mother refer to trans girls as 'men with beard and huge balls', and, as I grew up, I made friends with boys who had the same mindset as the home I grew in, so that made me a bit 'conservative' in some aspects. Now that I feel the way I feel (and I've been feeling this way for years) I dont think that Im actually worthy of the 'happiness' and freedom that transitioning will give me. I know I've changed, and so has my mindset, but still, the way I thought years ago keeps haunting me and I cant stop it. For the first time in my whole life I want to know what it feels to be happy, what it feels to be myself, and I know that wont happen until I accept myself (which I've already done) and make the change. This thoughts have been getting more intense and the only ways I can make the shut up is either with alcohol (Im a bit drunk right now lol) or by just dissociating. I havent slept tonight and this past months I've barely slept. And for the record, I have a history of self harming and Im really afraid of relapsing, but thats not the only thing Im afraid of; Im afraid of never being able to look in a mirror and see me, Im afraid of losing friends and family over being a trans girl, and Im afraid of never seeing a better exit than death. Im really lost, and I just want to find me.
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