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BlahBlueBlah
2 8,175 M Moving Along 8
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts300 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes59 Current upvotes59 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2022
Bio

Staying positive. Let's see. 









Recent forum posts
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About suffering
General Support / by BlahBlueBlah
Last post
 August 24th, 2023
...See more Recently Kiska and Lolita, the Orcas in captivity for humans amusement passed away. Lolita was the last captive orca who passed away few days ago. Their major suffering was loneliness. Kiska especially was isolated for 10 years. She was often harming herself. She was often crashing herself into the boundaries of the tank. It wasn’t their fault where they ended up. It was chosen for them. Scary, if I realize it. No doubt that their suffering was many many times worse than my suffering. A creature of the ocean kept in a tank for amusement. My suffering is also triggered by loneliness. This loneliness wasn’t what I expected from protecting myself from the ulterior motives of the people. The boundaries I set became crushing loneliness eventually, and now it has turned into a water tank for a creature of the ocean I basically am. The death of Kiska and Lolita has caused a nervous breakdown to me that I am so sad that I feel like I will pass out. I’m triggered so badly. I question if such life that is not fully in my control, a world where there is my suffering, and the suffering of billions and billions of people and animals and birds, is worth it? Existential crises you can say.
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39, and scared. The society is cruel!
35 & Over Community / by BlahBlueBlah
Last post
 January 20th, 2023
...See more Hello. I recently turned 39. I am single(by choice) I was married once. It was short lived and catastrophic fairytale. The reason I never got married again, the terror. I do want to have kids. But I cannot just be with a man to have kids. And I cannot be with a man without trusting him without a hitch. I don't trust myself more, tbh. My sense of judgment is tarnished by my anxiety. So I have mental issues. Distrust. Intense type. And my biological clock is threatening me, especially recently. Time is flying. But I come back in the NOW. And I hold on to hope. I flow in uncertainty. Maybe, there will be a a day when my suffering is over, and it's not too late. But in the now, something is so painful regarding what sure is happening already. And that is the society bullying me for being single at this age. They age-shame me. "39??? Single? Tsk tsk. You wana die alone?" What is this rocket science? Who gets married or is in a relationship to die with somebody? This is morbid. I don't need a death companion. What I am trying to say is that I want to be in peace. I am freaking out. And recently fell ill. My stomach. Either I need to have a thick skin. Or change my relationship status. I cannot force myself to do either. Not anytime recent. I have PTSD. Is there a way to have peace? Hoping for an epiphany. Thank you!
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Health is Wealth
General Support / by BlahBlueBlah
Last post
 January 13th, 2023
...See more Hello. This is to say, that life is beautiful. I cannot deny it. We know its value when we are on a verge of losing it. It's a blessing. But when one has health crises? Life is ugly. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing else matters apart from just getting better again. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to face the physical symptoms and it's toll on my mind. So I want to vanish. Don't want to be here, in the now, want to be somewhere else, but where can we run from the now. At the same time, I want to live. And attend to many blessings I have. Hard to stay present when dealing with the symptoms. I have been dealing with the physical symptoms for a few days. All day I stay stoic. But night time has this sense of desolation and loneliness at its worse, and I have a feeling that the world is empty and I am the only one left in the dark cold planet. Or I landed on another planet, and I want to go home. It happens with my health issue linked to stomach. It is all over the place after a nervous breakdown. A struggle of my life frequently. I am a very strong woman. I give strength to others. I handled many ordeals with grace and resilience. But health problem breaks me and I forget who I am. I was so scared and looked for support here. Thank you for listening.
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