39, and scared. The society is cruel!
Hello.
I recently turned 39. I am single(by choice)
I was married once. It was short lived and catastrophic fairytale. The reason I never got married again, the terror. I do want to have kids. But I cannot just be with a man to have kids. And I cannot be with a man without trusting him without a hitch. I don't trust myself more, tbh. My sense of judgment is tarnished by my anxiety. So I have mental issues. Distrust. Intense type.
And my biological clock is threatening me, especially recently. Time is flying.
But I come back in the NOW. And I hold on to hope. I flow in uncertainty. Maybe, there will be a a day when my suffering is over, and it's not too late.
But in the now, something is so painful regarding what sure is happening already. And that is the society bullying me for being single at this age. They age-shame me. "39??? Single? Tsk tsk. You wana die alone?"
What is this rocket science? Who gets married or is in a relationship to die with somebody? This is morbid. I don't need a death companion.
What I am trying to say is that I want to be in peace. I am freaking out. And recently fell ill. My stomach.
Either I need to have a thick skin. Or change my relationship status. I cannot force myself to do either. Not anytime recent. I have PTSD.
Is there a way to have peace? Hoping for an epiphany.
Thank you!
I'm single by choice too. My daughter is autistic and takes all of my attention so there's no room for a romantic relationship. Her behavior alone would scare off a potential mate as well so I told myself I won't date until she's grown up.
You made me laugh at "death companion" by the way. I'm older than you, 43. I better hurry up and find a death companion or I'm not going to have anyone to share death with!
Anyway...I hope you find some peace 🙂
@BlahBlueBlah The thick skin approach is tough. Perhaps you can minimize your attachment to what others think you should do. It is totally possible to have a child without a man as well if you wish. We can’t be everything for everyone’s wishes and expectations. We can be who we are and tell the expectations to go take a flying youknowwhat.
Hello @BlahBlueBlah
I'm turning 36 in less than 5 days, although I have not been married before, but the one relationship I was ever in, had left a somewhat bad impression. I was at my most vulnerable (peak moments with my depression) when I met the guy. We broke up shortly after a year, because our relationship became long-distance. So, now I'm a bit paranoid that someone will take advantage of this vulnerable side of me, or that it will scare them away after knowing I have mental health problems.
Heading into the late mid-30s soon, my parents are also worried that I don't have a "death companion". As the younger sibling, they are worried that I will grow old single (something I wish does not happen), as they want someone to be my partner, to take care of me and love me after they go.
Aside from choosing to be thick skinned, I think it's more important to be comfortable in our own skin. What others say, may or may not be true to you, but we first need to feel good about ourselves. Then, when the time comes, things will fall into place (at least, that is what I want to believe for myself too).
Hope you can find your peace~
@BlahBlueBlah
Hi Blah,
As someone who is there with anxiety and who was in a abusive marriage. I learned to first trust myself because no one knows you better than you. I slowly regain my trust so I can be whom I am. No one is perfect and for you to be single is not a bad thing, You just do not want another episode of what you went through previously.
first work on you and know that only you can work on that. ( I am here if you need to chat privately ). then when you can feel you have that down think of what your looking for in a partner , all relationships are different.
Know I am here for you
I'm so sorry! It makes me so mad, I am 35, single, not by choice exactly. I have poor taste. Anyway, I feel the clock ticking away too. But we can't all walk the same path. I'm here just to say I hear you, and I understand.
At the end of the day, your life is your life. Single, with someone or whatever, the top priority should be for you to feel ok in your own skin, before you commit to starting a relationship or even having children. Comparing ourselves with others never truly gets us anywhere, so focus on yourself, instead of who has/says what.