Health is Wealth

Hello.

This is to say, that life is beautiful. I cannot deny it. We know its value when we are on a verge of losing it. It's a blessing. But when one has health crises? Life is ugly. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing else matters apart from just getting better again. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to face the physical symptoms and it's toll on my mind. So I want to vanish. Don't want to be here, in the now, want to be somewhere else, but where can we run from the now. At the same time, I want to live. And attend to many blessings I have.

Hard to stay present when dealing with the symptoms. I have been dealing with the physical symptoms for a few days. All day I stay stoic. But night time has this sense of desolation and loneliness at its worse, and I have a feeling that the world is empty and I am the only one left in the dark cold planet. Or I landed on another planet, and I want to go home. It happens with my health issue linked to stomach. It is all over the place after a nervous breakdown. A struggle of my life frequently.

I am a very strong woman. I give strength to others. I handled many ordeals with grace and resilience. But health problem breaks me and I forget who I am.

I was so scared and looked for support here.

Thank you for listening.