Franse Member Profile

Two struggles I'm facing - looking for advice

General Support / by Franse

June 21st, 2025

...See more Hey everyone, I want to share a bit of what I’m going through and ask for your thoughts on two specific things. First, I want to learn how to become more grateful towards myself. What are some habits or mindsets I can practice to actively nurture self-gratitude? I tend to be a perfectionist, and right now, when I’m not able to function at my full capacity, it leaves me with a void that easily gets filled with emotions—and even if I manage them, my thoughts keep reminding me that I could be doing more, that I should be doing more, and that something’s wrong with me for not being able to keep up the same pace. Clearly, I’m not okay, and I admit that. And even though I’m improving—slowly—it’s not as fast as I’d like it to be. Still, that’s not a reason to tear myself apart for it. I know that. But I don’t know how to really live that truth. The second issue is related to my home environment. I want to be someone useful in life, and in order to finish my studies, I know I’ll eventually have to leave the “comfort” of my home. Though in truth, it doesn’t feel comfortable at all. That place has an overwhelming influence on me. Outside the house, I’m productive, social—even energized. But inside, all I see is filth, and I’m surrounded by people who do nothing but drag me down. That’s why I’ve decided to move out once this semester ends and do whatever is in my power to make that happen. But in the meantime, I still have to deal with this reality. So, my question is: how can I weaken the emotional power this environment has on me, beyond just going out more (which I already do)? I’ll be honest: I hate the grip this place has on my mind. It’s frustrating because I haven’t found any tangible way to change that—and it has only worsened over the years. And yes, it got worse mainly because of others: toxic, manipulative, and abusive people. But I no longer want them to have this power over me. I want to face this now, before I move out, so I don’t have to live holding my breath until I finally leave. Truth is, I’m out of ideas. The only thing I can think of is to actively fight the mess they make and try to communicate more—carefully—since even one wrong word usually ends in yelling or insults. I’d really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

So this Is what I call "Home"

General Support / by Franse

June 15th, 2025

...See more I'll try to explain what I'm feeling right now. While it may seem like I can enjoy things like I used to, that's far from the truth. What does it mean to live my day-to-day life? Let me be brutally honest: I'm a Chemical Engineering student, and I live at least two and a half hours away from campus. I have to wake up at 5 a.m., get ready, prepare myself, pray 2 Rakaah before leaving, and then take the bus at 5:30 a.m. to the train station. From there, I take one train to a certain stop, switch to another train that goes to the city where my university is, and arrive at around 7:45 a.m. to start classes at 8:00 a.m. Depending on the day, I have double lectures, so I have to bring food since I don’t have the time or capacity to work because of the travel and study hours. Luckily, my mother helps a bit—it’s not much, but it's something. Mondays, I have three continuous hours of Inorganic Chemistry, followed by a short break and then English class. Tuesdays, Thermodynamics. Wednesdays, Lab. Thursdays, English and Thermodynamics again. Fridays, more Inorganic Chemistry. I usually get home around 6 to 8 p.m. every day. Do I love my career? Yes, I do. But life is tearing me apart from so many angles that I'm starting to stumble academically. So what’s the real issue, beyond the emotional part—which some of you already know? Let me start detailing the reality I’ve been living for almost ten years now. When I turned 18, being the youngest of four siblings, our mother left the house to live with our stepfather. I fully supported that decision—she deserved it. But here’s what happened: two of my brothers (not counting my older sister) have always been absurdly irresponsible. So when our mother left, I became her replacement. What does that do to a person's mind? A lot. Let me tell you what I have to live with. I mentioned earlier that I have to cook for myself every time I go to study—I do that the night before, even if I get home late. But what do I have to deal with when I cook? At the very least, I have to clean, degrease, organize, and mop the entire kitchen for at least 30 minutes to an hour just so I can cook for 20 minutes. Luckily, I know how to cook quickly. Still, I always have to unclog the sink filled with grease, clean greasy cutlery, and remove food scraps like rice that clog the drain—all because my brother dumps food there. Dirty pots, everything. I open the fridge and find half-rotten vegetables, expired food, even dirty plates and cutlery stored inside. If I don’t take them out, no one will. Sometimes my brother starts cooking before me. What does he do when he's done? He leaves everything a mess and says, “If you want me to clean, wait until I finish eating”—even though I have very little time left before I need to sleep. What about the bathroom? Same as the kitchen. If I don’t change the trash bags, they pile up. If I don’t clean, there’s rotten food in the kitchen or ***-stained paper in the bathroom. Yes. My brother, being a conflictive idiot with everyone in his life, tries to fill the void with animals. So I also have to deal with the mess of three dogs that he barely takes care of, even though he loves to say he's an animal lover. It's pathetic how he treats them. Of course, we have to spend some of our money to feed those dogs, which forces me to lower the quality of my diet because he won’t take full responsibility for them—or for his girlfriend, who has been “occupying” the house for years. What does she do? Absolutely nothing. She’s another source of filth and laziness. I even have to deal with bloodstains in the bathroom from her period. To make matters worse, since the dogs aren’t trained, they *** and *** anywhere. Who has to clean it up? Me. Who even has to clean the cleaning tools because, for my brothers, a rag is a one-time-use item? Me. You might ask: “Why don’t you talk to them?” They're over 30 years old. One of them does absolutely nothing because of severe chronic depression. He’s another source of mess and weight on my shoulders. The other one? Any small complaint turns into a conflict. He’s a 32-year-old child. How bad is his aggression? Here’s an example—one of the old ones: since utensils always go missing in this house, I kept one fork in my room for personal use. He didn’t want to dig through the mess in his room to find one, so he started kicking my door. I locked it to make him stop. He broke the door down and got aggressive with me—over a single fork. He wanted to strangle me. This is one of the lighter things I’m telling you. I don’t want to mention anything more serious because it could be a trigger for some people. But this is my reality: every time I cross that front door, I smell urine in the air, and filth everywhere. Over the years, I’ve slowly lost strength, time, and sanity fighting against the filth that tries to consume the house. And now I can honestly say: I’ve lost. I no longer have that strength, and since then, everything has only gotten worse. If I clean, they get used to it. If I don’t, I can’t do basic things. When I do clean and leave everything spotless, it’s dirty again just hours later. I’m not exaggerating. Tell me, how would you feel if you spent two hours cleaning just to see it even filthier the next day? And this happens over and over and over again. I'm trapped. If I want to keep pursuing my degree without delays, I have to keep living in this filth for more years—with no money, no job, but technically lacking “nothing.” Family? They see my effort. They love me. Do they help me? No. I’ll have to put my studies aside just to stop hearing the fights between a 32-year-old man and his girlfriend. The barking and whining of anxious dogs with no training or purpose. And even though I love my sister, I also have to deal with tasks every week that her useless husband can’t handle—sometimes even acting like a father to my own nephews. In the middle of all this, I still go to the gym, I study, I’m trying to process the fact that the only person I ever dared to open up to completely shattered me. I’ve lost money and time in business attempts just to try and escape this house while still studying. I failed to get into a nuclear engineering program—my dream—and had to resign myself to putting that goal on hold. I struggle with sleep due to the constant noise my brother makes at night. And, as the cherry on top, sometimes he hogs the bathroom for hours, delaying me from leaving for university—because of his horrible diet and the fact that he plays mobile games while in there. He's a drug addict, a pathological liar, violent, misogynistic, manipulative, emotionally stunted man who projects all his issues onto others. My other brother is a chronically depressed man with no responsibilities. I get along with him, yes, but if I don’t even go with him to pick up his medication, he’ll just go without it—and of course, he doesn't help with anything either. Honestly, now that I put it into words, I ask myself: how the *** am I still alive?. I can't even sit and study in peace in this house anymore even though it's quiet sometimes, like today, it's so horrible in this environment that it brings out the worst in me. @Creamyyy here my update ^-^! idk if you boost this. @jesusredeemedme2425 [https://www.7cups.com/@jesusredeemedme2425]

Attacking the problem, no the symptom

Newbie Hub / by Franse

June 5th, 2025

...See more Tonight, I’m finding it hard to fall asleep, and I feel the need to share a bit of my day and connect it to deeper issues. Today, I just couldn’t study. Honestly, I felt no motivation, no desire to do anything productive, and I fell into all the bad habits I’ve worked so hard to avoid. Everything I could have done wrong, I did wrong. But at least I chose not to add guilt on top of it all, because I know these are symptoms of something much deeper. I couldn’t control my hunger, my responsibilities, or even my libido. I let myself be dominated on all fronts. This past weekend was especially intense because I began to realize that I’ve been focusing on the symptoms that affect me the most, while the real issue lies deeper. The truth is, I’m afraid of being fully vulnerable and open. Life has never treated me well when I’ve allowed myself to be that way. Growing up in a hostile, aggressive, and abusive environment—from… well, always—that fear of being open and vulnerable became deeply ingrained in me. So much so that even saying something as simple as “I love you” to my mother became a heavy burden, Even though I see how those simple words melt her heart, it's still difficult. Sadly, with almost everyone I’ve dared to be vulnerable with—except for two people—the result has been abandonment, silence, or worse: manipulation and deep emotional harm. That’s why compliments, flirting, recognition, or kind words trigger a strange inner rejection. It’s not that I don’t appreciate those gestures—they're beautiful. But my mind, body, and soul react with panic. I scream and cry internally, even if I seem calm, cheerful, or charismatic on the outside. Inside, it's another story entirely. This is part of why I developed such a raw, realistic, and sometimes obsessively honest worldview. I ran from hope, using logic, statistics, and realism to build a self-fulfilling prophecy about how things “really” work. At one point, I even told myself that even if Allah never connects me with a woman or grants me my greatest dream—to build a family—I would accept it. But deep down, I wasn’t really accepting anything. I just didn’t trust myself. It’s not that I don’t trust Allah—I do. I just don’t trust that I’m worthy, or capable. Even though I have evidence and past experiences that prove otherwise, since those don’t match the internal narrative I built to survive, they don’t carry enough weight to make me believe that vulnerability, hope, crying, or accepting help and love are good things. I’ve always run away from that. And in doing so, I’ve been tearing apart my soul—abandoning the very dream that defines me: to have a family, to protect and love a daughter, to guide and nurture her and her mother. But that requires being vulnerable. And that… scares me. I’ll admit it. That’s also why I struggle so deeply with pornography and overstimulation. Forgive my bluntness in the next lines—but I need to be honest. Inside, I’ve been replacing those beautiful, pure possibilities with flashy, exaggerated images that give me an easy, fast escape to something primal I long for. And when the act ends, I feel nothing but deep disappointment and sickness, because I know what I’ve done is wrong. Spiritually and emotionally. It’s also why studying has been difficult. Because studying, learning, and growing academically means I’m one step closer to independence, to success, to becoming someone with no more excuses. And that would force me to confront my fear of vulnerability head-on. That would mean being ready to face love—and risk being hurt. Even my fall into gluttony again—a struggle I had overcome—was part of this. It gave me a momentary escape from the deep anxiety and crushing emotional weight of these unresolved issues. These symptoms erode my soul and numb my feelings. And yet… realizing all this, seeing it clearly, analyzing and accepting it, and now sharing it, opened some locked doors and slammed others shut. I hadn’t even been able to sing for a while. But now, in a small cathartic way, I felt something again. Music—both making it and listening to it—was no longer just empty noise to my ears. But I’ll admit it: I’m tired. Tired of working so hard on myself for so long, only to end up back in the same place. When someone tells me I’m virtuous, kind, or wise, all it does is trigger pain and the urge to cry. I understand what their loving words mean—but I can’t feel good about them. I’ve come to truly understand who I am, but something inside—something ancient and afraid—sounds the alarm whenever love comes near. Or it releases all emotions at once, like a tidal wave that overwhelms me. Still… I’ll try. Step by step. I’m young. Progress is not linear. I’ll keep working on my relationship with myself and with Allah. And I’ll try, little by little, to become more vulnerable with those who are truly worth it. With hope—in shaa Allah—that one day, I will find a beautiful, kind, humble, and gentle woman who appreciates the way I see, understand, and live the world.

Finish thought

General Support / by Franse

June 11th, 2025

...See more I would love to hear what, you people, think about it. 🥰 In the past I went true two ways of dealing with my problems. The first way i learn is talking and find a solution if there is one. That brings to me a better way of understanding my self and being more introspective. At the other hand i notice something, oversharing is actually a bad think. Being like a broken disc repeating the same issues without even try to find a new perspective, just for venting was perjudicial for my mental health. So i went to talking to not talking about my problems, and again, for a long time was actually a very useful think, make me more productive, more mature with dealing with problems, only talk when I have to do it. But then, problems, serious problems, start to happened to me in this year's to the point I'm overwhelmed, confuse, traumatized, losing my self confidence. But well, I know how to act so anyone can notice. So, I start to share more my problems, with my mother, my grandmother, friends, here in 7cups, and start to feel different, but again I notice, from some issues I see the same pattern of being a broken disc. For example, dealing with the grief of a lost relationship, even if I know the real perspectives my brain decide to ignore that seek attention, here, because i feel alone, it easier to get true this talking to peiple but i have to reach a balance, notice when I'm over do something. Because, we man, actually dont need to talk about everything, that makes everything worse because we don't function in the same way of you women's. Close totally is a bad thing but open totally to. I feel a lot better when I do something productive instead of just talk, because sometines is better just keep going, feel like a useful person. And the process of act is more healthy for us then talk, anf believe this when I say it, ask to a man. Is not because is uncomfortable talking about our problems, is because we are wired to take action. Im a different case of course, I love to talk and share my problems openly but my experience tells me not overdue, if I share something this have have a purpose. Thx for read all this "nonsense" 😂🥺. Have a beautiful, comfy and motivating day. In shaa Allah.

Again

Newbie Hub / by Franse

May 28th, 2025

...See more The last week I had hope and my energy was undeniable in a high state. Now I'm struggling again. I have a lot of anger, maybe is a combination of my inability of being a good Muslim and good student. I can't study in perfect shape, I can't pray at time and constantly i ask for forgiveness, but I don't have energy. Everything in life doesn't make me feel nothing, only just spark of inspiration maybe, but that only remind the person i was, now I'm just full of anger with me and me brothers, and I have to admit, I also have some resentment to the girl who recently broke my soul without even me knowing why. I'm tired of everything, but no one will support me at the end, only Allah yes, but who really cares?, really. I don't any choice, I just keep going even if that is making me sick of life, even if doing something I love is hurting me. At least the only thing i can be is not being a burden. But I also feel like a burden to Allah, it's for me really difficult to learn all the words in Arabic, they doesn't stay in my head and I feel I'm failing. Today the Dhul Hiyyah start and I don't know if I have the energy, neither I have resources for sacrifice a lamb, I don't have even resources to give to the people. I'm just a 26 years old who the only thing he can do is study because I travel a lot of time per day to the point I can't get a job at the same time, studying a difficult career that I love chemical engineering, but even that I cannot do in good shape what I suppose to do... I don't know why I give my unconditional love, I dont know why I keep giving it, all the women's do to that in my life is use it as they please and they, without a reason, they decide the end everything in the worst way possible. My Sheikh was right, the problem with young people is their hearts. I'll close it.

Hope

Newbie Hub / by Franse

May 28th, 2025

...See more I start the new part of the semester with a better plan to recover my subjects and to stay the majority of the time out of house and... two days in... I FEEL FANTASTIC. Thx to Allah 7u7. Really, the monday woke up 5am, travel to La Plata for Inorganics at 8am start with Solids and solubility, beautiful subject. Then, 10am eat something chill for a little bit to enter English class 11am. As always that class is too funny, the teacher is a wonderful, playful and loving person. Go out 13pm, travel to the mosque for two thinks, i got accepted in a scholarship in Arabic Language, initial level. I reach the place 16pm (yep a lot of travel), the professor, again, another man with a wonderful energy haha, so funny. Go out 17pm. I enter the mosque, chat with a brother about the Quran and casual talk. The Sheij comes to the Magrib. Pray. And he told me, from that day im going to practice with him a little bit of Arabic, true the Quran, for my classes of Arabic. Yei. Go back home, prepare the meal for the night and the next day. Relax a little bit. Yesterday about the same. Go to thermodynamics, i talk with the professor, new one, also have a lot of energy and, damn he help me a lot because im behind in my subjects and i dont like it. I talk to him seeking guidance, i took his suggestion. Then i went to the library, study for 3 hours some stationary flow exercises, i love it. Then go back a little early to have time to go to the gym. Leg and shoulder day. Wonderful workout, intense. Go back home, and with a lot of energy i clean clothes, clean my room, take out the trash, prepare meal then sleep, even if that day start in a badly way because of some past issues wanna reach me again, i dont care. Today i have rest day and Arabic language. Right now im doing another thermodinamics, im going to the gym also, later. But i wanna share with you all people because i feel a rush, a torrent of beautiful energy, i feel euphoric for the first time i an lot of time. Thx to Allah. 7u7. I have hope.

Without energy

Newbie Hub / by Franse

May 18th, 2025

...See more I just want to share my general situation. I'm facing the most difficult part of my life. I thought things couldn't get worse than in the past, but life has shown me how wrong I was. I tried to start a business, lost money and a lot of time in the process, all in the hope of improving my financial situation and moving to the city where I study. I'm a chemical engineering student. That business took up a lot of the time I usually dedicate to studying, and now I might fail some of my subjects this semester. I really don’t like that, because I love getting good grades—my ego doesn’t like it either 😂. And all of this feels even worse because I also tried to get into nuclear engineering and failed catastrophically—another hit to my ego. Nuclear engineering is my dream career. Even though I studied hard, the time I lost on my current degree didn’t help. So, I just want to share my thoughts—the good and the bad—about the little things. Yes, at least I tried, right? And that’s actually a really good thing, I know. But it still puts me in a situation I don’t like: feeling so vulnerable academically. I feel like I’m drowning. That’s how it feels. And I know I have the capacity and natural talent to learn. The problem is I don’t know how to use it efficiently. I need to lower my head, stay humble, and try again. In another part of my life, I’m also facing three difficult situations at once. My “home”—if I can even call it that—is a mess, and I blame my brothers. I’m always the support system for all of them. One has depression, and the other is actually a really bad and abusive person. I’m the only one who confronts him, again and again, and over the years that has drained me. Imagine cleaning the whole house, taking a nap, and waking up to find that all the progress was ruined in seconds because someone else made a mess. That’s been my life for a decade. Cleaning for half an hour just to be able to cook for 20 minutes. Of course, I also have my older sister. She leans on me whenever she can, and I help her with everything I can. The problem is that most of the time, that’s all she does. I have to listen to all her problems, solve them, help with my nephews—and I truly love that. I love them, and I do whatever I can for them. But she doesn’t understand that I’m not her husband or the father of her children. So yes, my life is a mess both inside and outside the house. And it’s also a mess in my heart. I’m a 26-year-old man, and I’ve never been in a relationship. That hurt me deeply for a long time. But now I feel somewhat relieved because I’ve realized how broken society is when it comes to sexuality—hypersexualized, lacking connection, and full of people traumatized by past relationships. Recently, I converted to Islam—I'm Muslim now. And that’s one of the two good things that have happened lately. It took a huge weight off my shoulders. But now I’m facing my real problems. Pornography. I have an addiction to it, and I really feel ashamed. I know it’s a common problem, but that doesn’t make it any easier. When I try to resist, I feel horrible—my body and mind play tricks on me, sending shiny, detailed images as impulses. My chest hurts, my hands and body shake, and my stress shoots through the roof. But if I give in to temptation, I feel horrible too. I know it’s unhealthy, and I’m only making things worse. Of course, I feel guilty for failing Allah. But every time I fall, I clean myself up, I pray, and I ask for forgiveness. I always return to the One, and I know that’s what He wants. But that doesn’t take away the suffering. I have good relationships with the women in my life, but I don’t like the way I instinctively see women. So I control myself—always. I’ve been asking Allah for something, because recently I realized what I truly want, even more than becoming a nuclear engineer. I want to find someone who also believes in Allah and build a deep, meaningful relationship the way He intended between a man and a woman. My deepest desire is to have children. To protect them. To protect my wife and my children. To hold them. To allow them to live as safely and stably as possible, so they can flourish. At the same time, my mind says, “Haha, you’re asking too much, man. You’ll never find someone like that.” This feeling and these thoughts come from my past traumas with women. They always used me, improved their lives, learned from me—and then discarded me. Recently, a woman destroyed my heart—while all these other things were happening. I’ve known her for a while. We were always very close. She, like me, had a difficult past. I used to weigh 140 kg, but now I’m perfectly fit and healthy. My self-esteem was terrible, but now I know my worth. She had bad experiences too, and they traumatized her. I helped her deal with those things in a healthy way. There was always a strong attraction between us. One day, I took the plunge—and to my surprise, she said yes. She told me I was the only man she would ever want to have children with. That would warm anyone’s heart. But then something changed over the weeks. It was like walking on glass. Any misstep, and a wave of anger would appear. I’d helped her deal with this in the past, but this time it was different. All I wanted was to fix things or at least end them in a good way. But she didn’t want that. One day, she just texted me and cut everything off, leaving me with words that didn’t even make sense. That, combined with everything else, pushed me to the edge. I have no energy left. But all I do is keep going, processing everything the best way I can—without developing resentment or hate toward anyone. All I do now is go to the gym, eat, study with what little energy I have, travel 5 hours a day to get to college, learn English, and pray. That’s my life right now. I deal with the feeling of loneliness, because the only people who talk to me usually just want something from me. I’m trying to lean on the part of my family that doesn’t drain me—my grandmother, my uncles, and my mother. But I have no energy, haha. I’ll keep going because it’s all I can do. When the semester ends, I’ll go all out to move to the city where my university is. I want to live alone—that’s a dream. At the same time, I’m trying to process my relationship with women. I admit that while I don’t feel hatred, I do feel fear. And some women—intentionally or not—take advantage of that. They don’t respect my boundaries. I’m Muslim, but they don’t care. They invade my personal space and don’t respect my beliefs. Of course, I know this fear is just a feeling. I know there are good women. And this one, even though she hurt me unnecessarily, I don’t resent her. I understand her. I know it was her trauma speaking. In the end, I didn’t make her feel safe. This year has been the most intense of my life—both in good and bad ways. But at least I’ve become aligned with several things: * Living alone. * Deepening my connection to Allah. * Gaining muscle and becoming more disciplined. * Discovering what I truly want beyond empty, meaningless relationships. And I’ve learned three lessons: * At least I tried. Even though I failed, now I know what I can handle. That makes me strong. * I have to stay humble. If I fail my subjects, it’s okay. * I’m trying—in every part of my life. In shaa Allah, if God wills it, maybe I’ll find someone someday, or live alone, or pass my subjects. I’ll do whatever I can. The outcome is in His hands. Thanks for reading. I know this was a lot, and I probably made several mistakes in expressing myself—I’m still learning this language. I hope you’re having a cozy, relaxing day. And if you’re going through something too, I’m here to listen. I wish you the best. 😁☺️

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