Again
The last week I had hope and my energy was undeniable in a high state. Now I'm struggling again. I have a lot of anger, maybe is a combination of my inability of being a good Muslim and good student. I can't study in perfect shape, I can't pray at time and constantly i ask for forgiveness, but I don't have energy. Everything in life doesn't make me feel nothing, only just spark of inspiration maybe, but that only remind the person i was, now I'm just full of anger with me and me brothers, and I have to admit, I also have some resentment to the girl who recently broke my soul without even me knowing why. I'm tired of everything, but no one will support me at the end, only Allah yes, but who really cares?, really. I don't any choice, I just keep going even if that is making me sick of life, even if doing something I love is hurting me. At least the only thing i can be is not being a burden. But I also feel like a burden to Allah, it's for me really difficult to learn all the words in Arabic, they doesn't stay in my head and I feel I'm failing. Today the Dhul Hiyyah start and I don't know if I have the energy, neither I have resources for sacrifice a lamb, I don't have even resources to give to the people. I'm just a 26 years old who the only thing he can do is study because I travel a lot of time per day to the point I can't get a job at the same time, studying a difficult career that I love chemical engineering, but even that I cannot do in good shape what I suppose to do... I don't know why I give my unconditional love, I dont know why I keep giving it, all the women's do to that in my life is use it as they please and they, without a reason, they decide the end everything in the worst way possible. My Sheikh was right, the problem with young people is their hearts. I'll close it.
@Franse
Hi Franse,
Thank you for opening up. It sounds like you're carrying a lot right now, and I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s okay to struggle, and it doesn’t make you a bad Muslim, student, or person. You’re trying, and that effort matters, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Pain from others, especially heartbreak, can cut deeply. But please remember, your worth isn’t defined by how others treat you or how perfect you think you need to be. You are not a burden. Your heart matters, even when it’s hurting.
You're not alone here. I'm glad you're here.
Thx man. It just my stubborn mind. I know all this, I know my efforts and my intention is what matters. But at the same time I know i can do a lot more but I hate not having that energy to do it, is frustrating not like what you liked before. I know I'm trying to be a devoted Muslim but at the same time I commit the same sin that always make to me a lot of psicological and physical damage, demolish my motivation, I feel im failing to Him. Sometime I have energy, but then I don't have nothing to do I'm just turn off in a deepest level to the point is difficult to get up again, and this doesn't improve over time. Is static or get worse. I event can feel good when im home, when I'm out, when im in the gym, when I'm studying, even if I go to the mosque to study the Quran and Arabic. I'm honestly don't wanna go today to the class but at the same time if I go home im going to feel bad anyways. So... I dont enjoying anything, is frustrating, I'm tired. But what can really do?. Just give at least a smile to the world and pray, some day find someone actually try to understand me and don't say that im not human because i don't show emotions when I'm in a stressful situation.