Finish thought
I would love to hear what, you people, think about it. 🥰
In the past I went true two ways of dealing with my problems. The first way i learn is talking and find a solution if there is one. That brings to me a better way of understanding my self and being more introspective. At the other hand i notice something, oversharing is actually a bad think. Being like a broken disc repeating the same issues without even try to find a new perspective, just for venting was perjudicial for my mental health. So i went to talking to not talking about my problems, and again, for a long time was actually a very useful think, make me more productive, more mature with dealing with problems, only talk when I have to do it. But then, problems, serious problems, start to happened to me in this year's to the point I'm overwhelmed, confuse, traumatized, losing my self confidence. But well, I know how to act so anyone can notice. So, I start to share more my problems, with my mother, my grandmother, friends, here in 7cups, and start to feel different, but again I notice, from some issues I see the same pattern of being a broken disc. For example, dealing with the grief of a lost relationship, even if I know the real perspectives my brain decide to ignore that seek attention, here, because i feel alone, it easier to get true this talking to peiple but i have to reach a balance, notice when I'm over do something. Because, we man, actually dont need to talk about everything, that makes everything worse because we don't function in the same way of you women's. Close totally is a bad thing but open totally to. I feel a lot better when I do something productive instead of just talk, because sometines is better just keep going, feel like a useful person. And the process of act is more healthy for us then talk, anf believe this when I say it, ask to a man. Is not because is uncomfortable talking about our problems, is because we are wired to take action. Im a different case of course, I love to talk and share my problems openly but my experience tells me not overdue, if I share something this have have a purpose.
Thx for read all this "nonsense" 😂🥺. Have a beautiful, comfy and motivating day. In shaa Allah.
@Franse
So, you've discovered that it is best for you to not rely completely on action or completely on talk, but rather to strike a balance between the two. I think that is very healthy! It is good to hear you have figured this out, thank you for sharing.
It is wonderful that you have discovered the happy medium on sharing or not sharing your feelings. I've found that everyone is different and some people need to share everything while others sometimes or not at all. I have learned that I am a lot like you where if I share to much or to often it affects me but it also affects me when I never share what I am going through as well. I've learned that by having a select few that will notjudge you but will give unsolicited advice works best for me. I have also learned that journaling had helped me so that I am able to work though what I'm going through without telling everyone and their brother. Have you maybe though of journaling as it's a big help. Have a wonderful day.
@Jeni3 That’s really amazing! I tried journaling in the past, but for some reason I could never really do it. It just feels... boring? And kind of heavy, like a chore. I never really thought about why, but it’s just super hard for me. I prefer to just write down whatever’s on my mind wherever, or have mini internal debates with myself instead 😂. Regular journaling though? Nope haha. I love that you can do it, and honestly, I’m impressed.
That is wonderful you found what works for you. I got on spirts as sometimes it works and sometimes I need to change it up. That's why I have other things I can do too thankfully. Thank you for your message. Hope you have a great day.
I don’t see any issue you oversharing, but I would ask you what your goal is when sharing. For example, if it’s for attention then it may not be healthy long term and professional help may be required. But, if you’re looking for a different perspective and someone to bounce ideas off, then yeah, it definitely helps. Also, I personally don’t want to build connections on this site with people, then later fall into the trap of “If I don’t have problems then I will lose my friends here, because without problems there is nothing to talk about”. I’m came to this site because I had trouble sleeping. But otherwise, I feel that problems are good, no matter how big they are, without them we would get bored. Lean to harness your pain and turn it into strength. After each blow you come back stronger. Life itself is the toughest thing we go through, and we manage it every day. Maybe, just maybe we’re stronger than we think and maybe we can let go of our problems somehow, learn from them and use to add to our character of who we become in the future. If we can let go of our problems, we need to focus on asking the right questions and coming up with solutions, no matter how hard it is. The alternative is to cry, be sad and dwell in it, sleep, wake up and do it all over again, day after day, year after year, with people saying “you are loved, be brave”. Being loved has nothing to do with the solution. People will say “you’re loved meaning you’re not alone, here is a hug”. Ok, well I don’t need a hug, I need a solution so get your thinking cap on or jog on. Time is the most precious commodity and I think it’s better to think less and act more. If people treat you constantly like chandelier, you’re going to eventually believe you’re delicate, then one day you’ll fall and instead of getting back up, you’ll break. Decide who you want to be, then take action. Don’t let people tell you who you are and decide what’s best for you. I had an online therapist tell me once she recommended I see someone face-to-face. I told her I didn’t want to go down this route and want to help myself. She said it isn’t always possible and I said well can I at least try. I asked for book recommendations, after she give me them, I thought why didn’t she suggest that first. Also, lack of good quality sleep can cause mental issues. Not many people get 8hrs every night for 1 week. They’d be surprised when they wake up and feel they don’t have a problem. I wish you luck Franse.
@Mikey555 You’re touching on a lot of interesting topics, so sorry if I lose the thread a bit. Let’s take it step by step:
First off, I think there’s a kind of balance between sharing just for the sake of it, sharing with a purpose, sharing out of loneliness, and sharing to deal with something that, honestly, might not even have a solution—because yeah, sometimes that’s just how it is. Any of those things can quickly flip and become unhealthy, so I always try to find that balance, 'cause that’s what I’ve learned works for me.
On another note, I completely agree with what you said about being direct. That’s honestly the foundation of my friendships: being upfront. I look for honesty, not just comfort or empathy. That’s also what I try to offer my friends—real honesty. Of course, there are nuances. It’s not about being brutally honest all the time. It’s about knowing when to be honest so you don’t end up hurting the other person unnecessarily.
As for problems—yeah, I couldn’t agree more. Negative emotions and challenges are often the push we need to change. Ignoring them is what really keeps us stuck. But at the same time, life isn’t some perfect fairy tale either. Sometimes we fight and lose. Sometimes problems don’t get fixed, and sometimes they just crush us. That’s also part of reality. And honestly, the world itself doesn’t care about your feelings. Bad stuff will happen no matter what. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from it. That ability to learn is basically what defines us as a species.
Now, about what you said regarding taking action and needing solutions—totally get your point, but I do see it from a slightly different angle. Whether we like it or not, people will change us. And like it or not, we do need support in some form—whether it’s being seen, being loved, being hugged, or just those small things. That’s just how we’re wired. If you want to be a great salesperson, you need to surround yourself with them. If you want to be a good Muslim, like I’m trying to be, you’ve gotta learn from others who are already on that path. That’s how you find solutions—if there are any. But sometimes, even when you're around the “right” people, you’ll still end up needing care, support, and love. That’s just how it is, at least in my view.
What I agree with the most, though, is that no matter how many times we get hit, no matter how often we fall apart, showing up to life again and again—allowing yourself to change and adapt—is what real growth looks like. Comfort kills progress. But at the same time, without rest, without those moments to breathe and appreciate what we’ve achieved, we’ll lose sight of it all. You have to breathe, act, exhale, and rest—then go again. It’s a cycle. Everything in life works like that: friendships, studies, your relationship with Allah, romantic relationships, working out—you can’t go full force every single day, whether it’s playing an instrument, training your body, or whatever. You need those moments of boredom or joy. Otherwise, you might never notice your mistakes—or worse, you might never actually enjoy anything.
Something I’d like to share before wrapping up is this issue with sleep. I see it as a different kind of problem from the usual life challenges, but also deeply connected to the type of struggles I’m currently facing. I’ve dealt with it myself, and the thing is—it’s one of those issues that never fully goes away. That doesn’t mean we don’t have control over it. It’s a bit like food. I used to weigh 140 kg and now I’m 73 kg and muscular. Still, from time to time, I slip back into bad habits around food, even though I’m in perfect health. It’s something rooted in our very nature—it’s a constant. So what did I do? I changed my lifestyle. That’s how you “solve”—or better yet, manage and control—these kinds of issues. The same thing happened with sleep. I learned that with small habits—avoiding caffeine at certain hours, using night filters at the right time, exercising, working, making the day feel satisfying—that’s how you actually deal with it.
On the other hand, my current struggle is with pornography addiction and managing my libido. I’m 26 and still a virgin, but I haven’t been able to fully control or find a healthy and morally aligned way to handle this under my religious beliefs—beyond marriage. Thing is, when I’m in love, and I have a tangible purpose like that—someone—it’s ridiculously easy for me to ignore my libido and redirect all that energy into that person. But when I don’t have that, haha, my energy turns into chaos and just spills everywhere. I try to redirect it to Allah, and I really make an effort, but it’s still hard.
Sorry for the long message. Have a lovely day!
@Franse you've raised an interesting point about how men are wired to take action. Even in Islam for purpose of building family God has put responsibility of earning for the family on the man.. because they are more suited for that ... women can work but are not expected to contribute financially to the family unless they want to out of their own choice.. so in terms of financial responsibility God has placed more of it on men than on women... which probably indicates that the nature of man is crafted to be of a giver and protector to the woman.
But - it doesn't mean men shouldn't share their thoughts or emotions for fear of sounding weak. I don't think that is the point of this. Suicide in men is more common than in women - and I think the reason for this is that they're made to believe by society that expressing their emotions is weakness... and they must mask their emotions to come across as manly ....
I've found myself attracted to men who show their emotions - it doesn't take away from their ability to be responsible for their families. The emotions connect people on another level.
I've dated men who even said they weren't equipped to handle family financial responsibility all by themselves and were looking for women to help out. I don't judge it. The way economy is these days even when both husband and wife work, expenses are still not being met.
I see many situations the wife earning more and contributing more to the family- and she is okay doing so because the love connection is sufficient for her ...
So overall I think there is an ideal God has given but other possibilities can work out beautifully well as well.
What are your thoughts? I'm curious to learn more on this topic.
@Creamyyy
"But – it doesn't mean men shouldn't share their thoughts or emotions for fear of sounding weak."
I agree. I recently wrote a post about trust and confidence. The act of speaking, expressing yourself, admitting mistakes, acknowledging your feelings—and what’s most difficult for me right now, vulnerability—is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it's a sign of real strength.
That’s why the distorted perception that many men—and women too—have, that talking about what one feels is a sign of weakness, is just one aspect of a larger issue.
Let’s consider this: while it’s true that some people think this way, and some women do judge men when they “open up,” even taking advantage of that vulnerability, I believe the origin of this distortion lies in hard lives and in ways of coping with trauma and difficult realities.
Historically, men have always been the providers, the protectors, the ones who go to war, bring the food, build, maintain, and explore the infrastructures that give stability to everyday life. Only recently have men started stepping away from some of these roles. But this has left a deep conditioning behind.
Because how can a man allow himself to collapse, cry, “take days off,” when he has many people depending on him?
Of course, there are differences. This doesn’t mean he should open the floodgates and let everything pour out uncontrollably—though that may happen due to accumulated pressure. And that’s precisely where women, family, and friends come in.
The woman should help ensure that this emotional flow can come out in a more controlled way. The family should support him and help carry the weight. And friends should accompany him through the moment. I believe that’s how it’s been for a long time.
Today’s world is confusing. Roles are diffuse. Archetypes have eroded to the point of being unrecognizable—and this has consequences. Beyond just men, women are also unequipped to deal with such a complex and uncertain world. No one is truly equipped, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.
That’s why men must learn to seek balance. And women must offer what they themselves expect to receive: understanding, love, and emotional support—not weaponize that moment of male vulnerability against them.
In this strange world we live in today, God has given us a foundation to start from. What we decide to build from there is up to us—and that is the freedom we were granted.
@Franse wow Franse that was such a nice write up. Thanks for sharing your insight. Like I said earlier, you're gifted on so many levels 🙂
@Creamyyy I appreciate your beautiful words, I'm just doing my best.
@Franse You too have a great day!🍀❤️