Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Msbrightside13
1 110 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2018 Member sinceJuly 9, 2018
Bio
Recent forum posts
Msbrightside13 profile picture
Falling Away From Me
Eating Disorder Support / by Msbrightside13
Last post
 August 20th, 2018
...See more Allo zhere. Gonna try to make a long story short here; bare with me. I have a problem, technically anorexia although of course I don't think I'm that bad (I know nobody does). I've been in full remission for extensive periods of time and I'm a huge fan of recovery. It's way the hell better. That said, I have been struggling with a relapse for a few months and I'm at the point where people are getting concerned. Idgaf about myself as much but it's always excruciating to see people who love me get worried. Truth be told, I think anorexia is total bullshit and I hate what it does to me. However, as I am only slightly underweight, I don't feel like I warrant trying to get better. Like I just haven't paid my dues yet. I hate myself with a flaming passion and don't think I deserve anything in the world. I'm an objective piece of crap as a human. But I have an amazing fiance and an incredible son (don't have custody but still in his life). My dad and sister are worried too. My dad sat me down amd told me I was getting way too thin and need to eat more, etc... I feel so awful because he saw me at my sickest years ago when I literally died in the ICU. I can't imagine how scary it must be on the other side.... I've been trying to fight it as much as I can right now but Ed never shuts up and he always seems to have an accurate assessment of me. I also feel like being "thin" is my only redeeming quality and if I gain weight I'll have nothing. I mean, I really am a total POS otherwise... I probably could stand some help but I'm uninsured and poor in a rural area with no community support or transportation, so this is all I've got. So much for making a long story short. Thanks for taking the time for me to whine on here. Any advice or support or a brick to the head is more than welcome.
Msbrightside13 profile picture
Don't Let the Grudge In
Eating Disorder Support / by Msbrightside13
Last post
 July 30th, 2018
...See more Hey, I'm a 20something female struggling with an ED relapse right now. If any description of restricting behavior might trigger you (kept it vague but still) definitely keep yourself safe and cut it off here just in case. This disease is terrible. I''ve struggled on and off with anorexia since my late teens but have experienced years-long remission as well. I literally died twice in the same weekend at my worst, got no real formal treatment but clawed my way out with online and in person support. I've had a couple slips since then but nothing devastating... Recently though, with the raging emergence of my depression, life/relationship issues, major poverty, and a lack of access to any care (I'm broke, uninsured, and live in a remote mountain area), I've slipped again and am really struggling. I've been restricting pretty massively and the daily limits just keep getting smaller. I work 5 days a week on my feet, eat very little (like active ED amounts basically) and basically live on coffee. I know I've lost significant weight but not sure how much because I don't own a scale and there are no public ones around here. My period's late, last one was super light, I'm always freezing, can't sleep, concentration is shot, constant dizziness/trouble balancing, stomach cramps...I know I need to get back on track but it's really hard right now.Lack of money further complicates the matter... I feel guilty for any resources I use. I feel like I should save money and food for others or there won't be enough to go around. Screw me; I can deal. But maybe that's just my ED talking. I'm also at the point where it's been going on long enough that people have started assuming I just don't eat much so I feel like changing things would be super awkward and I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about it... My depression and relationship problens are making it harder because I constantly feel like my needs don't matter and no one cares about me anyway. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up; I'm a fighter by nature but I don't even know where or how to begin anymore.
Msbrightside13 profile picture
Putting Holes in Happiness
Relationship Stress / by Msbrightside13
Last post
 July 27th, 2018
...See more Hey, I just joined this site but I could really use some insight on my relationship situation. I have this gnawing feeling that it's not the healthiest but I'm not sure what to do or how to take better care of myself while I'm trying to sort it out. For starters, my SO and I recently moved across the country together with two pretty heavy sets of baggage and little else. I have a bad case of depression and PTSD from a series of unfortunate events. He's been neglected his whole life and has struggled with drugs on and off. Part of the reason we moved is that he couldn't stop and almost died. Now things have changed. I love this man and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Lately though, he seems to tolerate my presence on a good day, or just straight up can't stand me. My depression annoys him. He chews me out every day for crying too much amd being too everything. I feel rejected, unwanted, and unloved. I try to talk to him, very carefully, about how I feel, but he just blames it all in me and says it's bullshit. I'm tired of feeling like my needs don't matter. There's no sex, little affection, no fun, and every conversation makes me nervous. I just wish things could be the way they were before. I want the man I met back so badly. I want myself back too. Any advice or thoughts would be super welcome. Thanks for reading.
Msbrightside13 profile picture
Paralyzed
Depression Support / by Msbrightside13
Last post
 July 26th, 2018
...See more Hey, this might be a little disjointed but I'm just trying to get it out so bare with me if you can... I'm a 27 year old piece of human garbage with a shameful, low class job I hate, a highly dysfunctional relationship, severe clinical depression and zero access to care. There are no resources where I live, in the moutains in a small town, and I am too poor to travel. I also can't talk to my SO about it. He thinks I'm just being dramatic and need to grow up and get my shit together. I cry every day; I literally can't control it sometimes and he gets super annoyed by it. I feel like I'm choking inside every day. I know I need help but I have nowhere to turn. I have trouble eating and sleeping well and that isn't helping. I was gping to school online but the beaurocratic demands of paying for it overwhelmed me in my current state; now I have nothing left to be proud of. My only son lives in another state and I don't get to see him often, which kills me inside every day. No one in mylife gives a shit about me and it's completely my sorry ass fault. I dont know where I'm going with this. Just needed an ear and support I guess. Thanks for reading it.
Search more from @Msbrightside13
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
5 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Forum Friend
Report an issue