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RickestRick86
1 21,691 M Aiming High
PathStep 349 Compassion hearts4,324 Forum posts110 Forum upvotes222 Current upvotes222 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceMarch 9, 2023
Bio

“Pay attention to peoples actions over their words, unless what they’re saying is inconvenient for them.”

“Do not stay in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate on the present moment.”  – Buddha

“Conscious breathing heightens awareness and deepens relaxation” – Dan Brule

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”   – Ancient Chinese Proverb

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” – Robin Sharma

“Anxiety is nothing but repeatedly experiencing failure in advance. What a waste.”   - Seth Godin

“I have got 99 problems but 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I am stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.”  – Meme

“Thoughts, by their nature, come and go endlessly in you. But you are not thought; you are the one seeing the thought, so any thought of who you are cannot be the truth of who you are.” - Enza Vita

“Every problem has a solution. You just have to be creative enough to find it.” – Travis Kalanick

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.”– Irish Proverb

“Distracted from distraction by distraction.”  – T.S. Elliot

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“If you meditate regularly, even when you don’t feel like it, you will make great gains, for it will allow you to see how your thoughts impose limits upon you. Your resistance to meditation are your mental prisons in miniature.” - Ram Dass

“Putting yourself first is not selfish. Quite the opposite. You must put your happiness and health first before you can help anyone else.”
- Simon Sinek

“Make not your thoughts your prisons.” – William Shakespeare

“The food you eat can either be the safest most powerful form of medicine, or the slowest form of poison.”  – Ann Wigmore

“Where you spend your attention is where you spend your life.”  -James Clear

“There is suffering in this world. To live is to suffer.” – Buddha

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.”  – Flannery O’Conner

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”  – Paulo Coelho

“No is a complete sentence”  – Anne Lamott

“Hope for the best. Plan for the Worst.”  – Lee Child

“Your Attention Please: No one is coming to save you. This life of yours is 100% your responsibility.” - Anonymous

“You can lead a horse to water, but can’t make it drink.” – Proverb

“Learning how to learn is life’s most important skill.”  – Tony Buzan

“The capacity to learn is a gift; the  ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.” – Brian Herbert

“Financial literacy is just as important as the other basics.”  – John W Rodgers Jr

“It’s not your salary that makes you rich, it’s your spending habits.”  – Charles A. Jaffe

“You have heard the saying ‘Analysis creates paralysis.’ You can’t be 100% sure of anything.”   – Mark Burnett

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you will never get it done.”  – Bruce Lee

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.” – James E Faust

“Man know thyself; then thou shalt know the Universe and God” – Pythagoras

“As you live by your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control and inner-directedness will infuse you with both exhilaration and peace. You will define yourself from within, rather than by other people’s opinions or by comparison to others.” – Stephen Covey

“Your values are the rudder that steer your life.” – Shandel Slaten

“It is not hard to make decisions, once you know what your values are.”  – Roy E. Disne

“By conducting a media fast, turning off the television, radio and computer, we stop the influx of poison that keeps us buying and desiring more.”  – Skye Jethani

“The problem with social media is that it is great for your ego, but terrible for your sanity.”  – Adrena Sawyer

“Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly is not freedom, except in the minds of those who prefer darkness to light and chains to liberty. The more true information we can acquire, the better for our enfranchisement.” – Robert Hugh Benson

“What is real? How do you define real? If you are talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”  – Morpheus, in The Matrix

“Don’t dream your life but live your dream”
 – Mark Twain

When asked what surprised him about humanity the most, the Dalai Lama replied: “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.”

“Would you rather dig 1000 holes one foot deep, or one hole 1000 feet deep?”

“They deem me mad because I wouldn’t sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price.”   – Kahil Gibran

“If you love your work, if you enjoy it, you are already a success.”  – Jack Canefeild

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands – your own.”  – Mark Victor Hanson

“If you set yourself a goal and go after it with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.” – Lez Brown

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 6 Rules to Success:
- Trust yourself
- Break the rules
- Don't be afraid to fail
- Don't listen to the naysayers
- Work like hell
- Give something back

“Strive for continuous improvement; instead of perfection.”  – Kim Collins

“A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.”  – Idiom

“A rising tide lifts all boats.”  – Aphorism

“Good things are coming down the road. Just don’t stop walking.”  – Robert Warren Painter Jr

“Remember that person who gave up? Nobody does.”  – Anonymous

“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.”  – Vince Lombardi

“Don’t count on motivation, count on discipline.”  – Jocko Willink

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”  – Kevin Durant

“Assume nothing, question everything.”  – James Patterson

“The way you become world class is by asking better questions.”   – Tim Ferris

“To know thy self is the beginning of wisdom.”  -Socrates

“Those who think they have no time for exercise will sooner or later have to find the time for illness.”   -Edward Stanley

“If exercise could be packed into a pill, it would be the single most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation.”   -Robert Butler, M.D.

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”  -Agnes Repplier, The Treasure chest

“Taking care of myself is a big job.  No wonder I avoided it for so long.”  -Anonymous

“Don’t get into a pissing match with a skunk.”  -unknown

“Once you stop believing something is impossible, it becomes possible.”

-unknown

Recent forum posts
RickestRick86 profile picture
I miss Jack, bring him back now, please 🙏
Grief & Loss / by RickestRick86
Last post
April 1st
...See more I miss my best friend, Jack; he was everything to me. I think losing him has done something terrible to my psyche. I’m better than I was three years ago when he passed, having mental breakdown after breakdown within breakdowns. I remember every moment of his life in painful detail, from 2007 to 2023 when I had to say goodbye to him as he walked over the rainbow bridge into heaven. My purpose wasn’t my work, my purpose was loving him, and whether or not I made the right decisions or not, I poured everything I had into giving him the most comfortable and loving life I could. I bought my first home for him, then I let it go for him. I made sure he was loved by everyone, and if they didn’t like him or he felt some way, I made sure they weren’t around. He always had good meals to eat, even when his liver started to shut down, I made him healthy home made breakfasts and dinners, and we would even have cheeseburgers (his favorite). It was really hard when he started getting dimensia, he would cry whenever I wasn’t by his side because I was all he could remember. He would beg me to take him home, to where he felt comfortable and safe at the last apartment we lived in, where he had his little bed right next to me, with all of his favorite blankets and pillows. My world left with him. I love him so much, I miss him and think about him every day every minute, every night when I look at the stars. I had to take three months off for FMLA when he left. I needed a career change but I don’t think anything is working because I always had him with me when things got hard. Everything is hard now, and I miss my Jack.
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Just keep falling
Trauma Support / by RickestRick86
Last post
February 27th
...See more I’m depressed because I feel abandoned by my family. Not being able to do anything productive or useful for my goals and the people I love in my life makes me irritable. I’m so worried, anxious, depressed and panicking about whatever the latest emergency in my life is so I can’t concentrate. Between my medication and the endless waves of stress I’m feeling numb and losing interest in taking care of myself because all my resources have been pulled back inside of me in order to preserve my leaking sanity. If I don’t have my sleep medication, I won’t sleep through the night and will wake up every three hours. When I am able to sleep, I’m plagued with nightmares that soak my sheets in sweat every night. I have moments where I’m so overwhelmed by my emotions that I can’t move, I’m frozen, sometimes it lasts for hours. I’ve tried every way possible to help myself but at this moment it’s like life itself is gaslighting me. I feel ashamed because I’m almost forty years old and I’m struggling so hard to function. I’m running out of memories of good days, every day is just so much harder than the last. The problems just get more expensive and more complicated and I’m so unprepared to deal with them. I’m so jumpy and easily startled, I feel like someone or something is going to jump out and attack me at any moment. The person I am right now is not the person I am when I’m happy and engaged in life. I’m so happy to manage maintaining my sobriety, but I want to drink so bad. I’m just coping with weed and Zyn.
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Jobs
Relationship Stress / by RickestRick86
Last post
February 25th
...See more After moving across the country to a new state on the east coast, everything has just turned bad for us. We used to have stable jobs and a very nice apartment, with a price tag to match. I was going to make a career change from manufacturing to the electrical trade, and she agreed because she saw what manufacturing was doing to me. Then immediately after that happened she got a call to move out east and was going with or without me. So of course we went together! We’re a team! And if she loves her kids, and wants to be in their lives, of course I’ll be there. That worked for a year and a half, now it seems as though all the work I’m qualified for has evaporated. I can’t get basic jobs because I’m overqualified and get rejected routinely…. I’ve even started taking classes again because I’m hoping that going back to school will help me with getting a job. I’m at my wits end because I’ve been out of work for six months now and feel completely out of control. And now she’s under so much stress that she’s having trouble with her job. I just want to help and be a supportive partner. I don’t know what to do.
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The Effort Spectrum of Love Languages
Relationship Stress / by RickestRick86
Last post
February 21st
...See more Love might be a universal emotion, but it is not a universal language; it takes effort to master. Although love is often viewed as a universal emotion, it can be classified into five primary languages that demonstrate how individuals express, receive, and understand affection differently, depending on the effort required by each language. These five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service, vary in the level of effort required to communicate affection effectively. By examining these languages in order from least to most effort, readers can gain a clearer understanding of how love is expressed and received, adding an appreciation for effort. This classification highlights both the simplicity and the complexity of expressing love and care. Ultimately, understanding these differences can enhance interpersonal relationships by promoting empathy and intentionality. Firstly, words of affirmation are the least effort-intensive love language, and primarily rely on verbal expressions and emotional intent. Minimal physical exertion allows individuals to express appreciation without effort, and its low time commitment makes it accessible in nearly every context. Complements and feelings of love can be expressed easily and spontaneously, while limited material resources remove financial or logistical barriers. Additionally, the emotional intent over action emphasizes sincerity rather than effortful tasks. Furthermore, words of affirmation can be delivered in various forms, including spoken statements, written notes, digital messages, or a combination of methods. Therefore, this love language demonstrates that simple, thoughtful communication can convey meaningful affection with minimal exertion. In this way, words of affirmation illustrate that small efforts can carry significant emotional weight. In contrast, physical touch requires greater presence and intentionality, demanding both emotional and physical effort. It necessitates being physically present, which can entail travel arrangements or careful scheduling. Additionally, it involves a willingness to be emotionally vulnerable, a quality that deepens and fortifies the connections between individuals. Moreover, physical touch demands attentive awareness to ensure appropriateness and comfort, and it cannot be multitasked easily, requiring undivided attention. It often represents a profound commitment, illustrating how love is not just spoken but deeply felt and expressed through physical connection. Additionally, the giver must assess context and boundaries, adding cognitive and emotional effort. Consequently, physical touch communicates care through presence, sensitivity, and intimacy. This indicates a greater level of effort than simply offering words of affirmation. Similarly, quality time requires planning and engagement to convey affection effectively. It demands dedicated time, which may involve rearranging schedules or sacrificing personal activities, and it requires undivided attention for meaningful interaction. Also, spending quality time means planning activities together and showing that the giver makes the recipient a priority, which highlights what the giver is giving up in return. It also requires emotional engagement, as genuine interest and thoughtful conversation are essential. Moreover, quality time cannot be superficial, because emotional presence is as important as physical proximity. Therefore, this love language demonstrates that investing time and attention constitutes a higher level of effort than physical or verbal expressions. Overall, quality time falls toward the moderate end of the love languages spectrum. In addition, receiving gifts requires planning, thought, and resources, making it more effort-intensive than the other love languages. It requires financial or material resources, demands monetary and logistical considerations, and calls for thoughtful selection to ensure the gift is meaningful. In addition, it involves planning and preparation, as timing and presentation often affect the impact. Giving gifts symbolizes thoughtfulness and requires time and effort. Furthermore, this love language necessitates consideration of the recipient's preferences, adding cognitive effort to the emotional expression. Consequently, gift-giving illustrates that meaningful affection often requires both tangible and intangible effort. Overall, receiving gifts emphasizes deliberate investment in expressing care. Finally, acts of service represent the highest expression of the love language, requiring physical labor, planning, and sustained commitment. It requires significant time investment, often involving extended tasks or responsibilities, and demands physical or mental labor, reflecting intentional effort. Additionally, acts of service involve planning and forethought to anticipate the recipient's needs and ensure effectiveness. They demonstrate sacrifice, as personal comfort, convenience, or leisure may be foregone, and they require consistency for long-term impact. Furthermore, acts of service communicate commitment through observable action rather than words alone. Consequently, this love language exemplifies the greatest effort within the spectrum, highlighting the depth of investment necessary to convey love through meaningful deeds. Therefore, acts of service symbolize intentional, sustained, and tangible expressions of care. In conclusion, the expression and reception of love can be classified into five primary languages, highlighting the varied ways individuals communicate and interpret emotional connection. Words of affirmation require verbal and emotional effort; physical touch requires presence and vulnerability; quality time demands attention and planning; receiving gifts requires resources and thought, and acts of service require sustained labor and commitment. Understanding these languages enables individuals to recognize the varying effort required to express love, thereby enhancing empathy and relational effectiveness. Ultimately, recognizing the spectrum of effort behind each love language underscores the importance of intentional communication in nurturing meaningful relationships. Awareness of these differences equips individuals to give and receive love in ways that resonate most profoundly, strengthening interpersonal bonds.
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Dad said I’m a Loser
Depression Support / by RickestRick86
Last post
February 15th
...See more I really do my best to make the important people in my life proud of me, but lately Ive been missing my mark and I don’t know how to get myself going in the right direction. Last Night I had to ask my dad for help, because the only way we could afford a car was if I had my dad send me a check for one thousand dollars. It couldn’t wait, because the transmission in fiancé’s car was going bad and would not last much longer. He yelled at me for not having a job, laughed when I told him I was going to school. Asked me why I’m not working in a field I stopped working in fifteen years ago and alluded that I was a loser. He yelled “Get a job!” into the phone four times and said he “might” help me but he purposefully didn’t give a definite answer. My fiancé blames me for the transmission being damaged because I was driving on the highway and had a brick go under the car after it flew out of a work vehicle in front of me on the highway. Then, just the other day, I was driving her home from work because I’m the one who always ends up driving her car, and the transmission stopped working; luckily we were able to limp the car home and not have to buy a toe truck. I have a good driving record, but she relentlessly criticizes my driving skills because it’s always just been her vehicle. I’m exhausted from talking to people about being out of work, and how badly I need a job; I’m desperate for anything. It’s the same conversation and the same arguments every time. Am I looking for work? Yes, I send out thirty to forty resumes or applications a day with the exception of days where it’s not possible. I treat looking for work and school like they’re my jobs now. Am I applying everywhere? Of course I am! I’m an apprentice electrician with construction electrical experience, and I can’t get Walmart to call me for a job. Why did I move out to this small town where I knew I would have a hard time finding work? Well, what would you do if your wife had to move across the country for her kids whether or not you came with her? A few years ago, I made the decision to donate my personal vehicle to charity, because I could save money by just riding my bike to work. My fiancé, and I talked about it, and both agreed about my plan, so I went through with my decision, leaving her vehicle as her daily driver and I would ride my bike to work, then for anything I needed a vehicle for, I could use the car. Since then we’ve moved across the country so we could be closer to her kids, and the town is so small that if you’re going to have a job, you need a car. Everything is an hour and thirty minutes away by car. I’ve been able to find work as an apprentice electrician, but in the past six months, all of the construction work in the area has gone full stop. Material is expensive, labor is expensive, so contractors are being very picky right now. I need my own transportation, but I have no way of getting anything at the moment. I’m feeling really abandoned by my dad because I’m unemployed and asked for help, because it was the only way my fiancé and I can have a car and work. He could have just said no, or not picked up the phone at all, instead he had to yell at and belittle me. I feel so bad about moving to this stupid little town, three months after I gave up everything I had and left my home state so my fiancé could be closer to her kids, the other parent moved out of state without any notice. So now we’re just stuck here in a little stupid town with one car and no job prospects and I’m just having a hard time seeing my way out. No matter what I do, or which way I turn someone is going to have an opinion about it and about me. When everything around me is going wrong, I’m trying to train my mind to focus instead on everything that is going right. I handled the conversations with my dad and fiancé during the past few days really well; I maintained my composure and dignity. I was able to maintain my emotional autonomy and not let there words, feelings or opinions shut me down for long. I didn’t give any attention to my father’s determination to not understand my position, and I stuck to my original point and didn’t let him bait me into one of his hyper-conservative Fox-news fueled arguments of how I’m lazy and just don’t want to work, and all these other horrible baseless accusations that have no grounding in reality. I’m doing my absolute best to get back on my feet, and I’m not going to let anyone break me down while I’m actively working on my goals. I’m the one who determines what I’m worth and what I’m capable of. Not my dad, or anyone else. I have value whether or not I have a job, and just because I don’t have a job doesn’t mean that I can’t be of use anywhere or be productive in other aspects of my life. I’m just so exhausted by constantly switching the course of my career, education and life based on the perception of people who don’t know the first thing about me or my life. Just because I don’t have a job doesn’t mean I’m not unworthy of kindness. I try so hard to help people and improve things for others, but I shut down because it’s never reciprocated. It’s like, I put so much of myself out into the world, but it’s just the bare minimum to everyone else, so from the perspective of everyone else, giving me the bare minimum is more than enough. I’m really trying to remember that only hurt people hurt other people, so my dad’s anger towards me is really just a reflection of his anger towards himself, but doesn’t he deserve that for being drunk for thirty years of my life and abandoning me for some other woman’s family?
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Indoor Gardening as a Hobby
Hobby Zone / by RickestRick86
Last post
January 30th
...See more My name is Rob and indoor gardening is central to who I am because it represents how curiosity, patience, and persistence shape my passions and my identity. My connection to indoor gardening began in the year 2005, when I first experimented with growing herbs in the kitchen of a small apartment in Arvada, Colorado. At the time, I was searching for something grounding and creative that could thrive within limited space. I began purchasing an AeroGarden kit, which were very popularat the time. Shortly after it first appeared, my friends and family also had the same idea; I wanted to join in on the fun. I set it up on a kitchen counter, carefully reading the instructions and imagining fresh basil and thyme becoming a daily part of my routine. In the beginning, my efforts were far from successful, and I struggled with issues like inconsistent growth, nutrient imbalances, and plants that would simply die unexpectedly. Those early failures taught me humility and forced me to pay attention to details such as light cycles, water levels, and timing. I learned by observing patterns, making mistakes, and adjusting my approach; one variable at a time. Throughout this process, 1 was not alone, because I had a lot of friends who offered advice, encouragement, and shared enthusiasm for experimentation. They celebrated small victories with me, such as the first healthy harvest, and helped me troubleshoot when crops failed. Overtime my kitchen became both a laboratory and a sanctuary, where I could slow down and focus on nurturing life. Indoor gardening answered the questions of who I was becoming and why I valued consistency and care. It showed me what I enjoyed most: the blend of science, routine, and creativity. It mattered where I was because the apartment setting pushed me to maximize efficiency and intention. As my skills improved, I developed confidence in my ability to sustain plants through complete growth cycles. Eventually, mastery replaced uncertainty, and I could anticipate problems before they occurred. This long-detailed journey transformed indoor gardening from a hobby into a defining passion. In the end, indoor gardening remains a living reflection of how I grow alongside the things I care for.
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Nicotine
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by RickestRick86
Last post
January 29th
...See more Unfortunately I’ve reached a point of financial struggle where I’m having to choose between my addiction to nicotine and necessities like food, bills and/or gas for the car. I never thought it would come to this point, but I also never expected the lengths to which my addiction would fight for its continuation to be this strong. For the past four days I have been going through nicotine cravings that could only originate in the depths of ***. I can’t focus on tasks, and that’s assuming that I can find the motivation to do anything at all. I’m behind on my schoolwork, my home is starting to become cluttered and messy; and I’m noticing a lingering smell coming from places. All I want is a Zyn, a cigarette, a dip of chew, nicotine gum, a patch, ANYTHING to satisfy this cravings I’m having; I just want this itching feeling like I’m hungry or thirsty or tired. I have moments where it’s all I can focus on. My addiction to nicotine is the strongest addiction I’ve experienced in my life, if I had a time machine, I’d go back to when I was eighteen and had my first cigarette because my ex-wife had started smoking, and I wanted to “see what it was all about.” I would stop myself from ever smoking that first cigarette. If I had a time machine I would go back and stop myself from ever trying cigars. I would remind myself that all I was doing was signing my body up for a lifelong subscription of nicotine addiction. I would stop myself from being bound to a substance. I was able to stop alcohol and am two years sober, however I’ve been trying to quit smoking for the past twelve years and it’s winning.
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Looking at What I Was
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by RickestRick86
Last post
January 22nd
...See more ****Trigger Warning for spousal abuse and the reality of what alcoholism can do to a person***** When I was twenty three years old I got married to my ex-wife, about three weeks later she lost her job. She struggled finding work: she was fired from Burger King, Fired from 7-11, and fired from Kids-R-Us for showing up drunk to work. One day she decided that she wasn’t going to work anymore and would stay at home, do the trad-wife thing in her head I guess; she didn’t let me in on it. She just gave up trying and sat on the couch drinking beer all day. My ex-wife went years without a proper Cluster-B Personality Disorder, to this day I don’t think she’s properly medicated, but she was incredibly abusive. She shoved me into our entertainment center knocking me down and getting my back sliced up on an edge. She would have blind fits of rage, where she would scream at me for hours. She would punch and kick me, and I’m not talking about hits to the shoulder like it’s a joke. I’m saying she would get *** because I asked her to get a job and she balled up her fist and punched me in the head. The police were called and that’s a whole other story but I didn’t get arrested or anything. All the while I was drinking though. I would drink to numb the pain. I didn’t have to care that she found random people on the street and let them live in our house rent free. I didn’t have to hear the yelling, or worry about being hit. She would throw plates and knives at me, I could drink until I passed out and not even worry about it. I didn’t have to worry about being the only person in a house of five people who had a job because I was high functioning and had a good career/job. I would drink all night, usually a twelve pack, or an eighteen pack if I had a particularly bad day, in addition I would have to have beer for the ex-wife. Wake up for work, vomit, again in the shower, again before driving, sometimes on the way to work on the highway or something, and if I had an episodic night I would just call in. I filled an entire detached single car parking garage with bags upon bags of crushed up beer cans. I was so depressed and desperate to get out, but I was living paycheck to paycheck thinking that one day she would snap out of it or that I could fix everything or something. I’m recovering now-after the divorce I was able to cut down to about a six pack a day, ten years after that I am two years sober. My living area is clean, I’m in a healthy relationship, I have good hygiene and I can’t believe how polar opposite my lifestyle is compared to then. I wish I could go into more specific details, but I’m a little short on time and wanted to get this out. I’m a firm believer that the worst drugs in this world are the legal ones. If you’re struggling with alcoholism and/or an abusive relationship, please don’t give up. Find a meeting, just find someone to talk to, talk to me! Just don’t take that drink.
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