adventurousTangerine1126 Member Profile

Triggered After A Medical Procedure

Trauma Support / by adventurousTangerine1126

September 17th

...See more Hi everyone. I am posting because I am completely overwhelmed and do not know how to navigate the headspace I have been thrown into. Recently, I had to make a hospital visit to get a trans-vaginal ultrasound and a pap smear for my PCOS. A male doctor performed the pap smear and it was a really painful experience because he was quite rough and told me to stop screaming since I had already done pap smears previously. I felt quite heavy afterwards and I did not realize that I was bleeding until I had to undress for my ultrasound. During the procedure, I felt anxious as there were a few medical students watching me get the procedure done. While the doctor and the students were lovely, I did not know beforehand I was going to be observed. I felt really off and hurried home as I felt exposed. I felt violated, but I could not pinpoint why since I was not even assaulted in both procedures. Ever since that visit, I have been experiencing an extreme CPTSD flare-up. It triggered buried feelings around a past sexual assault, and I have been thrown right back into the exact sensation of being helpless and completely unsafe. My mind and body feel like they are constantly on guard, waiting for the next bad thing to happen, and I am so exhausted from feeling hyper vigilant. Because I have been running on empty and reliving one of the worst moments of my life, my tolerance for anything unsettling is nonexistent. I feel a lot of anger, but also exhaustion and helplessness. Shortly after the hospital visit, a situation happened with a guy I was seeing. He lied about a social media habit from me when I was unwell even when confronted and it took me being furious for him to admit it. In a normal state, lying would already hurt, but in the middle of a massive trauma response, that breach of trust completely shattered my sense of safety. It felt like another violation, and I completely lost my mind from the pain of it on top of the pain I am currently feeling. I feel like the discomfort from the hospital visit compounded with the dishonesty has pushed me past my limit. I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like my world is not safe anywhere. I hate looking at my body and I hate having people look at me. I just want my brain to go quiet.

I don’t want my ex back but I can’t stop painshopping after finding out that I might have been emotionally cheated on and lovebombed

Relationship Stress / by adventurousTangerine1126

June 20th, 2025

...See more Apologies for the long post. Nine months ago, my (27F) ex (25M) dumped through text while I was crying and begging on the phone. Just hours before, he told me he loved me and couldn’t live without me. We met on Reddit and were long-distance for most of our nearly 1.5-year relationship. He first messaged me when I was struggling with something personal, and we became friends. After he broke up with his LDR ex (who I didn’t know existed at the time), things between us escalated. I caught feelings but held back because of his recent breakup, until he told me he was in love with me. I normally avoid fast-paced relationships, but this felt like an exception. I felt seen in a different way. The relationship was emotional and toxic at times, mostly due to both our mental health struggles, but it also felt really good. He told me I was his soulmate early on and later said he wanted to marry me. I believed him, so when he dumped me via text, it destroyed me. I stayed in NC, focused on therapy, and blocked him on everything except Reddit, where he had already blocked me first. I just wanted to focus on moving forward and muted my social media notifications to work on my mental health. About a month ago, I left a comment on my main account about my experience and reflections with the breakup. It was honest, but I didn’t name him or attack him. A few days later, while clearing out message requests, I found out he unblocked me and had been sending me messages for months—birthday wishes, life updates, and asked for favors, but the most recent ones were aggressive. He found my Reddit comment and accused me of faking everything, swearing at me, and even sending a photo of a couple-themed tattoo he got of us after dumping me. I didn’t reply, so he kept going. I eventually broke NC to set boundaries. I told him the comment wasn’t malicious, called out his messages, the tattoo, aggression, and told him not to contact me again. After that, I went to his Reddit profile to block him and saw posts and comments about still loving me, which made everything feel twisted given how he left. The whole thing honestly reopened the wound. Eventually, with more therapy, my mental health improved. I finally turned my social media notifications back on. That’s when I accidentally opened a message from a girl my ex was talking to who I mistook for a friend. I realized his *** was still logged into my phone from months ago when he borrowed it during a trip. He shared his login with me before (just like he did with his ex), saying he had “nothing to hide.” I never checked it until now. I know I shouldn’t have looked and I’m not proud of it, but what I saw shook me. I know he rarely used ***, but he recently did to talk to her after she deleted her Reddit account. Their chats showed him spamming her with messages and being sweet to her, but I saw that quickly after I set that boundary, he dialed the sweetness up—calling her “my princess” (a nickname he used for me), called her other possessive nicknames and used the same tone he used early on with me. She replied in a way that felt more polite and platonic (even called him a friend). It felt calculated to me, like he was trying to repeat the same pattern. From what I saw, they met and started talking on Reddit while he and I were still together. He never told me about her, even though we would always share whenever we made new friends. Was I love-bombed? I heard the term before, but I don’t know much. He used to tell me that no one made him feel the way I did, and that the things he said to me are exclusive to only me, but I don’t know if that’s real anymore. I usually clock such actions, but this felt different. I truly thought our connection was real. Now I wonder if he was just monkey-branching from one person to the next, feeding the same thing to each girl. He did something similar with his ex too which led to an argument back then, but he denied it. He would even ask this girl if he helps or takes away her pain just like he did with me. Even though I don’t love and want him anymore, I feel messed up. It’s been months since the breakup, but now I’m filled with anger at him and myself for giving him a chance. I feel robbed. Like I gave so much of myself to something that might have been fake. I also hate that I’m still painshopping. I haven’t logged out of his account even though its wrong and I really know I should. I keep looking for closure, for some kind of confirmation that things were real or if he emotionally cheated. I want to stop circling back, but I don’t know how to actually let it go. I know I shouldn’t care because he’s my ex, but the whole thing is making me question reality. I need some advice and encouragement :( TL;DR: My ex love-bombed (?) me, dumped me over text, then did the exact former thing to another girl. Now I’m spiraling if anything he said to me was ever real or not.

Betrayed by a close friend after opening up and now I feel isolated and overwhelmed

Friendship Support / by adventurousTangerine1126

April 30th, 2025

...See more I (27F) have been struggling with anger, intrusive thoughts, and resurfacing trauma after a close friend’s recent emotional betrayal. Following my breakup last September, I lost not only my partner but also the future we were building, which devastated me. I’ve been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, social anxiety, and C-PTSD from past sexual and emotional abuse, and I’ve been seeing a therapist. After the breakup, I became suicidal, dissociated, and hyper-sexual. Through therapy, I realized my relationship involved narcissistic abuse, leading to deep self-doubt. I relapsed into self-harm, psychedelics, and experienced flashbacks to my past SA after consensual encounters, leaving me feeling hollow. I leaned on my best friends, “P” (26M) and “J” (26M), even if I often felt anxious about being a burden. P and I, friends for nearly a decade, had boundary issues—while I was fine with jokes, I asked him not to joke about painful experiences after he called me “stupid” for my relationship, even though he had initially supported me. We were great after that, but when I opened up to him about what I shared above (after he encouraged me to)—particularly my shame with the hyper-sexuality and SA, he called me a “***.” Weeks later, he sent a meme about “perverted women,” referencing what I had shared. His apology left me more hurt than at peace, even though he acted like it was up to me to decide on things, and since then, we’ve barely spoken. When we saw each other at a group hangout, he acted like nothing happened, making me question if he ever valued our friendship. Since then, I’ve isolated myself, battling anger, anxiety, shame, and suicidal and violent thoughts. I’ve thought about cutting contact with everyone if things worsen, but I feel guilty about how it would affect my family and some friends. It’s been a month since P’s betrayal, and I’m emotionally overwhelmed. I want to reach out for closure and peace, but I fear losing my self-respect. Meanwhile, J has been distant due to personal stress, but is aware of the situation with P, made small efforts to check in. He suggested we meet but avoided fully addressing the situation with P. I later found out J and P hung out with the group without inviting me. While I understand P might not want to see me, it hurt to feel excluded, especially after J said I was missed but was not extended an invitation, and stopped responding when I reached out. This has worsened my social anxiety and left me torn between wanting to reconnect and fearing I’ll lose my self-respect—and the friends I miss, who seem unaware of what happened, as P holds the group together.

Is it unfair to expect the same level of openness I gave in a growing connection?

Relationship Stress / by adventurousTangerine1126

April 25th, 2025

...See more I (F27) met a guy (M24) through a local dating subreddit. We talked every day for nearly a month, had great conversations, and were planning to meet soon. He said he was looking for a serious relationship, valued communication and wanted someone with emotional availability, and who was tired of games—which I appreciated, because I’m in the same place. I genuinely felt like we were building something mutual and real. One thing that bothered me a bit though from the start, was that he never clearly showed his face. His *** had no photos, and his profile pic obscured half his face. He said he wasn’t good at taking photos, and I said I understood—I just want to know who I was connecting with. I would send my pictures, even though I struggled with it too, because I wanted to be open and fair. Weeks later, during some playful flirting and photo banter, he likened himself to a hamster. I teased back that I still hadn’t seen what he really looked like for me to know, and he again said taking pictures was hard. I gently encouraged him to try little by little, reassured him, and said I hoped to see him one day. Eventually, he sent a few blurry group shots and a childhood photo. While I appreciated the gesture, I felt confused and honestly a little disappointed. It felt like I was being handed a mystery box with “please understand” written on it. He picked up on my energy shift, and I told him I needed time to process things because I didn’t want to say anything I’ll regret. The next morning, I sent a messages explaining directly how I felt. I told him I appreciated his kindness and openness, but sometimes he seemed too agreeable, which made me wonder if he was being genuine or just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. I reassured him that he’s been great at communicating and making me feel supported, but I value honesty more than constant praise—especially with what we’ve been building. I want it to stay rooted in something genuine. I brought up the photo situation—how I understood that taking photos is uncomfortable for him, and I didn’t want to pressure him, but the gesture came off as evasive. I shared that I’ve been open about myself and how I look from the start, even with my own hesitations, and it felt imbalanced. I told him I was a bit upset because I’ve been emotionally invested and transparent, and I think being open matters when you're trying to build something serious. Instead, it felt more like self-protection at the other person’s expense than simple caution. I also mentioned that he had shared specific preferences in his post—like wanting someone with a normal BMI—but hadn’t been equally upfront about things someone else might care about. He told me he was 5'5", which I was fine with (I'm taller), but the group photos seemed to suggest otherwise, and that made me doubt it. I said I wasn’t trying to hurt him, just trying to express how I felt because I cared about what we were building. I came here for something real—not a penpal to flirt or pass time with while it feels like I’m expected to keep being understanding even when things feel unfair. He responded and said he understood, that he wasn’t trying to deceive me, and that he genuinely meant everything he said. He clarified his height, apologized for how things came off, and said he understood if I didn’t want to continue. But after that, he started going silent. I checked in, not to pressure him, but because I didn’t want to feel like I was being punished and for us to properly address things. He admitted he disappeared because he felt scared and confused. I gently asked if this kind of avoidance was a pattern in past relationships—because I value clear communication and avoidant behavior can be anxiety-inducing. He said it wasn’t typical, that he regretted going silent, but he suddenly felt like he was being “questioned” then and didn’t know how to handle it. He said he’s “just a guy who stays under the radar with a lot of things” and would never lie just to be liked. I apologized for how I brought things up and admitted I may have shared everything at once without checking if he was ready. When it came to him being agreeable, I thanked him for his explanation and reassured him that I think he’s being sincere, and that I just wanted to avoid anything that felt like love bombing. I said what unsettled me more was the imbalance—I showed up with openness—even when it was uncomfortable but he didn’t offer the same level of transparency that I think is fair in building a serious connection. I thought meeting the other person halfway is important and that he can’t ask for something meaningful without giving something basic in return. Regardless, I reassured him that I was still open to moving forward as long as we both showed up equally and it was a minor misunderstanding anyway. He said he understood and validated my feelings, said that not everyone is like himself or would be okay with what he’s doing but then told me he didn’t want to continue. He said we were in different life stages, that “maybe we are too far away from each other at this point” and that he realized we might be more different than he thought. Aside from our differences in expressing ourselves, he said he thinks he's a bit sensitive and while he doesn’t want to be coddled, he hoped to be met with sensitivity when things are sudden and conversations are uncomfortable. I closed things by acknowledging our differences, expressing confusion over the “too far apart” line (since I had only asked for clarity given the sudden shift), and admitted I could’ve initiated things more warmly as some people might need more softness, but I was never hostile to him or demanded anything unreasonable. I said I truly thought something meaningful was unfolding, wished him well, and told him I hoped he finds what he’s looking for. While I understood his sentiments as a sensitive person myself, I’m left feeling like I was subtly made to feel like what I wanted was “too much” when all I did was express a need for mutual transparency. I feel a bit guilty for how I brought things up, but I also didn’t want to be too soft about something that should be a basic thing in a serious connection. Is it wrong to feel off that he pulled away the moment I brought this up after being so emotionally open with me? He was very sweet and quite eager before this. He later blocked me on Reddit, but not on *** where we talked (I removed him before the block), and deleted the photos he sent.

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