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conscientiousTiger7814
1 2,175 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 47 Compassion hearts104 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJune 18, 2015
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Spiraling out of control
Depression Support / by conscientiousTiger7814
Last post
 December 8th, 2024
...See more I have been doing well controlling and minimising depression, until recently. I know my signs of spiralling and I’m afraid of where I’m going. My job is stressing me out but I can’t leave yet, feels like an awkward time to leave especially knowing how businesses work at this time of year. I also can’t afford to find another job that pays less so I need to search for this more. My place of work is toxic, unmotivating and soul-snatching. I used to love what I do now I hate it. I know I’m headed for trouble because I’ve stopped cooking, eating less so I’m losing weight, personal hygiene is slacking, currently staring at a pile of dirty clothes to my left and three bags of clean clothes to my right. This isn’t me and I hate living like this. My mind is always foggy, my sleep is disturbed with restlessness and all because I’m not happy with my current situation. I know I can get out but it’s a matter of time. I can’t afford to just quit because I don’t have any money saved (another battle). I’m also struggling to deal with losing my parents (4 & 5 years ago), I still can’t function without them. I talk to people but I get the same responses; “you’re strong” “I hope things work out for you” etc. I don’t even bother speaking too deeply on the matter with people because it feels like everyone has their own issues and doesn’t want to know deep down. I just want to get to a place where I have a plan with clear goals that I can work towards but I just don’t know what I want right now. I want to control my own path as best as I can, I’m open to challenges and obstacles but I just need a break. 15+ years of feeling like this makes me feel like a failure, how can I not regulate myself?
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Just releasing
Depression Support / by conscientiousTiger7814
Last post
 August 21st, 2023
...See more I’ve come to realise that I’m not really a good person. I lie a lot and I’ve hurt many people. It’s never been intentional but I’ve still done it, and these actions have had serious consequences. I don’t have friends, there are people that say they are there for me but when I try to open up, I just feel like there’s no point. It’s hard to maintain relationships when ur as messed up as I am. My whole life I’ve felt this void and struggle to be at peace with things. I hold onto the past and find it hard to think about the future. If I didn’t work, I’d go days without speaking to anyone and that’s such a scary feeling. I don’t like being alone. I’m someone that needs a lot of attention. I’ve got work to do I know but I’ve been thru so much that I just feel like I need someone to look after me. I’m not sleeping properly and I’m not eating right either. Funny thing is I just got a temporary promotion at work but I can’t even feel excited about it. I’ve tried counselling many times and the last time, I had one session before she cancelled because our schedules wouldn’t match and I’ve not heard anything back from another counsellor. I hate depression. I hate feeling low and depressed. I hate crying myself to sleep. I hate putting on a facade and faking happiness and lying about how I’m really feeling. I am not in a good space. I just don’t know how to get out of it. Writing this here cos I have no1 else to talk to
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Addicted to him
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousTiger7814
Last post
 July 16th, 2021
...See more I don’t know if I need advice or just a space to vent. I started seeing this guy again who I first met in 2012. We messed around during uni but I cut him off, for us to find each other again at the end of last year. At the same time I had just came out of a 5year relationship which I still don’t think is truly over but a break is definitely needed. Anyways this guy I’m seeing knows how to “control” me. He makes me crave him and I think about him all the time. I even think I love him. When we’re together, it’s intense and passionate but that’s behind closed doors. There are times when I don’t hear from him for weeks until he wants to see me again. And of course I always go running. I need and want more from him but he won’t commit. Now, I know I can’t force him to but I truly believe he wants to. It’s just so frustrating because I am so full of love. I tried to love my own company but I’ve realised it isnt what I want. I could see other men but I want him, and all of him. The whole situation makes me wish he never came back into my life but now he is, I can’t let go. He purposely pushes me away just to pull me back knowing that it will work every single time. It’s classic manipulation and emotional blackmail but it’s also scarily exciting. Jesus, I’m a wreck. Do I accept that I might just be a booty call? Or do I run a thousand miles and never look back? But then the thought of “what if?” Comes to mind. What if things can change? What if he loves me but doesn’t know how to show it? Or what if I’m just being stupid? … I’ve tried to express how I feel but he just knew how to wind me up. I threatened to walk away but he managed to pull me back in just as he always does. Why does me make me so weak? Anyone else relate? 😔
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I
Depression Support / by conscientiousTiger7814
Last post
 November 5th, 2017
...See more I
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Retroverted uterus - yelp!
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousTiger7814
Last post
 August 2nd, 2017
...See more So I'm 22 (23 on Friday) and I've been having sex since I was 15. I used to consider myself as a freak and I absolutely loved sex. That was until about 3years ago when I was in a really bad relationship and my sexual appetite basically became non-existent. My ex was very controlling, very emotional and it really has had an effect on me. Towards the end of the relationship, I didn't want him to touch me nor did I want to be around him. He would have sex with me and I'd let because it's what you do in a relationship but I wouldn't be aroused. It felt very forced and hurt quite a lot. Anyways now I'm in a really healthy relationship but we can't have sex because every time he penetrates me, I get this deep, sharp pain. I've had this pain for about 3 years and I've had so many tests/examinations and no one could tell me why I was getting this pain. It's really debilitating because I have lost confidence in myself, I don't feel sexy and I don't feel like a woman. My partner is really supportive of it but it's still a real issue in our relationship. I was told yesterday that I have a retroverted uterus where my uterus has basically tilted and isn't in the correct place. So when my partner penetrates me, he is hitting my cervix which is causing the pain. I was just wondering if anyone has had this and what they did about it because I really want to start enjoying sex again *cries*
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