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jazzisgc
1 741 M Little Steps
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2018 Member sinceFebruary 17, 2015
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Bulimia ruined my life, so why do I want to run back to it
Eating Disorder Support / by jazzisgc
Last post
 March 7th, 2016
...See more When I was 14 I decided to lose weight. I got made fun off a lot , basically my friends made fun of me being fat. I weighed [edited by Anomalia for weight specifics] when I started to lose weight. One day I felt guilty for exercising then throwing that away by eating a lot. I went and threw it up. I didn't think I would have such a huge impact on my life. I did lose weight, my lowest weight was [edited] and I still wasn't skinny really but everybody noticed my weight loss. I became so obsessed with my weight and lost the only friends I had. I was kinda rude to people and didn't like socializing with a lot of people because having friends drained a lot of energy. I started to hook up with guys and do a bunch of crazy stuff. My self esteem was at rock bottom and I didn't care what I was doing , I just wanted to feel alive. I lost control and did what I told mud e of I would never do. I started binging and I started hating myself so much. Then I met someone who became my best friend. I started drinking , never going home or to School. I gained a lot of weight , my highest being [edited] , now I'm at [edited]. Me and that friend got in fights , I wasn't a good person I admit , it wasn't completely their fault . Anyway I got beat up by two people that were his friends , after that I basically started doing good in school and focusing on getting into a college and raising my shitty gpa which I have, my anxiety has gone away a bit and I'm overall a nicer person. I am sincere now. I realize I hurt a lot of people and wish I could unburn some bridges but I've learned a lot and often times stay up at night trying to find peace in my heart. I'm doing everything I can to better myself. I'm now 17 and looking forward to college but I still have my senior year left next year. I don't really have a lot of friends, I've been trying to lose weight the right way but all this has pushed me to the urges of throwing up again. Losing Weight again and having that feeling and secret no one can take away from me. If I was skinny I feel like I c could raise my head and be happier . I don't know where to run
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My eating disorder story. How it started .
Eating Disorder Support / by jazzisgc
Last post
 April 10th, 2015
...See more I had never been skinny . As a child yes but then I got chubby arounaround the age of 10. I remember a life chchanging event the years that followed. My family was very poor and the food we ate was kinda limited . So i became obssesed with food. It was my comfort . My sister always made fun of my weight she was bulimic and often times heard her. Well when I was 14 I became obssesed with my weight and calcalories. I would stave and eat small meals . Excersie and throw up if I ate to much. I lost a lot of weight and wondered why people couldn't just stop eating. Well karma came and after two years of starving I ganied the weight back plus more . I had sworn to myselmyself id never gain weiweight . I couldn't I had been obssebiased with my weight. But guess what ? It happhappened . Now I have BED and I know if your struggling with an eatineating disorder this is your worst nightmare but I I've told mysemyself its another battle to overcome!! And I will. I've overcame a lot. Now its time to kick butt and overcome this one. WE ARE FIGHTERs and we CAN'T GIVE UP. Much love to anyone who knows the feeling !
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A broken heart.
Relationship Stress / by jazzisgc
Last post
 March 4th, 2015
...See more No  matter what challenges we face in life, I don't think anyone will avoid  pain of a heart break . It could of lasted 5 weeks, months, or years. It just happens. The unreal pain of someone not wanting you anymore .  I never thought how hard it was  get over ssomeone. It's been a year and I still see the boy who broke my heart. We became stranger's . Its hard , but I will tell you this . The pain lessons slowly and all you can do is work on yourself . Never try to hurt yourself or sabotage your future .  always remember this . " THIS TOO SHALL PASS "  Any stories or comments welcome !
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feeling lost
Trauma Support / by jazzisgc
Last post
 May 17th, 2015
...See more Should we forgive  some one for deeply wronging us? I was only ten when he asked if he could  touch me and he  said hd let me play on his iPod  everyday. I said no,  were very poor at the   time,  almost homeless. My mom didn't talk to us she sat on the couch everyday consumed with her depression as she let the bills pile on. The only  she talked she uusually had a belt in her hand as she took her anger  on me. She  let my sister kick  ass eveveryday . I would try to swing as hard as I could but I'd  nnever win. She wol laugh. She was proud shee could beat her little sister. My brother was . I felt  rub angst me at night. I would cry becue it made me feel sick. Later my family found out and try called me A lair . I'm 16  now ad  uncomfortable around him. But I act like I'm  close to him that's wwhy people think I lied. I try to forget what happened but I don't know what to do. I need help. I need advice .
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