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modorange07
2 606 M Embraced 5
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts86 Forum posts40 Forum upvotes55 Current upvotes55 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceMarch 3, 2025
Bio

hi!!!

I like all kinds of music, i love movies - maybe more so indie,i play games on roblox and spend most of my time on ig or pinterest



Recent forum posts
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Taking care of everyone
Anxiety Support / by modorange07
Last post
 July 16th
...See more Hi! For the last four years I have been housebound - I was in a really bad relationship and i figured that was why i couldnt leave the house. I talked to my ex and it went great,and it made me realize that living with my dad he was also manipulating me,being verbally abusive and overall taking advantage of me ; I looked back on my life and it appears that there hasn't been a single person who hasn't taken advantage of me and put me in a position where I am taking care of them. I have essentially taken care of every person who has crossed my path.  Looking back even when I went to therapy, i would get upset bc i would have to spell things out for them or just felt i wasn't understood, just to be told it was no one's job to understand me.  I still live with my dad,my anxiety has gotten much better after realizing this but he has been on a trip and is coming back ina few days and I am terrified and angry to be put back in that position of essentially his mother ; but not even that my sibling who is in his early 20s stay with us so its not only taking care of my dad over the weekend its a family dinner that i cook,then cleaning after that,and the weekend is basically me taking care of my dad and brother while also cleaning.  I am very nervous about it all. I'm not even sure how to stand my ground if i wash my dish my dad will say something like "well you're already cleaning " - i have felt horrible for years,for not just being better and then it was like he's the reason i had to be an adult by the time i was 3, and now i have to gain the strength and courage to get a job and live in a way i havent in 4 years to move out..and I am terrified.  I realized the friends that i have they also take advantage of me by using me as a therapist,but they don't actually talk to me or even know me. I usually just talk to my mom about things like this but my mom also has autism,so there are certain aspects that she doesn't understand and also she's my mom and thats her ex husband and i just dont know what other advice she can offer me other than 'try not to think about it,get a job,save up and move out'.  If anyone has any advice or encouraging words I really need them! Thank you for reading.
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I've gone through 4 therapists in the last 6 months
Anxiety Support / by modorange07
Last post
 January 30th
...See more So as the title says, I've gone through 4 therapists in the last 6 months. I know I've changed but I'm so anxious all the time,I get terrified of my own thoughts,I spiral, I'm pretty sure I have ocd and every time I ask for help I am met with a mundane answer that going through the trauma it will go away. It hasn't. I also get told that it's my responsibility to figure it out. I mean what do I do when I've done edmr,talk therapy and arent they supposed to give you tools to do this ? Aren't I supposed to be feeling better? I feel so consumed by anxiety and thoughts that don't go away that I don't know what to do. I am so tired of going to therapy and it not helping at all. But I am also so tired of being anxious, I'm so tired of being tired. A good day to me is not having to control my thoughts,not having a breakdown or panic attack,not having to journal for 3 or 4 hours just to stop being anxious,not being afraid or trying to control everything. That happens every once in a while. My question is should I get another therapist or just do this alone; as in meditate,read more books, stay offline ect. Do I try to find someone else or try to do this alone?
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Agoraphobic
Anxiety Support / by modorange07
Last post
 January 26th
...See more For the last three years I have develpoed agoraphobia due to a controlling relationship as well as some past trauma. I'm not really looking for advice on that bc I feel anytime I do talk about it people think shame is the answer in order to get better. I just really want someone to just listen to me. I am struggling with almost everything. I had to dump my therapist bc she was too focused on trauma that was already healed and wasn't listening to me or helping me when I asked on what to do abt my anxiety and panic attacks to help me get outside and do more. I am so desperate to live. I am so desperate to talk to people and get better and everytime I get a new therapist they don't fully listen to me - I understand how getting past your trauma lowers anxiety but what happens when you're over it and your therapists keep trying to say you aren't when you have no active triggers,reations, you know how to slow down and eal with things but they still refuse to help you live a life? I am pretty sure I have OCD - I am not diganosed but it seems to be the only thing that makes sense and I'm so tired of these four walls being my house. I am so tired of being a burden to my family, I am so tired of hiding and reading books about anxiety and pyschoscience behind it all. I am so tired of being so desperate for hope or faith that something has to happen or that one day I am going to wake up and my brains going to be different.  I don't know what to do. Or how to have hope, I don't have anyone to talk to about this ; so my question is how do you keep going? How do you have blind faith that everything will work out? How do you keep trying everyday when it feels like its not worth it? How do you stay positive when everything feels like its failing?
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I'm not sure what to do
Depression Support / by modorange07
Last post
 January 6th
...See more In recent weeks I have lost most of my friends,well one of them texted me and just didn't commuicate they were taking time away so now we are friends and we've hardly spoken so not much has changed for me. I've been agoraphobic/housebound for a few years- I am in therapy and working on this but recently I feel like I've lost hope for my life.  It feels hard to keep hope when everything revolves around 'when I'm better' ,and in therapy we work on trauma and edmr and I have seen improvments but I just I wonder when will it happen when I feel better? When will I have to stop giving myself pep talks and reminders that I am worthy of love,a life, and that things will be different. I feel so frustrated bc I am trying so hard to be better and to do the right things but I also loose motivation and all I want is to stay in bed for days,not eat and just sleep. I know this is irrational and I don't have anyone to talk to about this but how do you deal with life when you feel hopeless? How do you do the things you're supposed to (i.e. journal,eat right,sleep early) when it feels so hard? How do you keep doing the things that are good for you and have hope when it feels that you're stuck,and like you're missing out on life- or that you're the only going through something heavy like this? How do you continue to go through this,even if you have no idea what the future looks like? How can you have faith for life? Nonetheless your life?
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hiii
Pen Pals / by modorange07
Last post
 January 22nd
...See more hii!!! I'm looking for friends- I am in my early 20s, I love kpop,old movies,horror,romance- a lot of different varieties. I love the opera,ballet,classical music but also music from the 80s,early 200s stuff like that! My favorite color is orange!(Hence the user). I'm currently in therapy for anxiety and codependcy, I would say I'm pretty emotionally intelligent, I like going over sistuatuions a couple of times to ananlyze,I love reading and writing,I love playing intruments and making music!
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I have lost almost all of my friends in the last week
Anxiety Support / by modorange07
Last post
 December 30th, 2025
...See more In the last wek I have lost almost all of my friends, two we weren't compatiable and just had different boundaries and goals, the third one is where I'm hit the most. We were friends for a year and we talked about everything,anytime there was a miscommuincation we talked about it. About a week ago I was updating her on my life and what happened with this guy explaining how him and I had a huge miscommuication and we talked about it and then we were good! I don't know how but she misinterpreted this into me repeating an old pattern of seeing the best in people and letting them treat me like *** - a pattern I have learned and outgrew. She didn't agree that talking to him was the right thing,and that i was repeating pattern. I wasn't and i told her she was misunderstanding me and what i was saying, the more i explained the more she projected and told me what she thought i was doing, I left 4 voice memos going into detail to explain,even crying in one explaining how her being there meant a lot. She blocked me without listening to them,or ever talking to me again. I want to go on my second account and say something, I am angry and hurt bc I thought we were closer?? I thought we talked about everything..and I know its for the better. I know she's been different since she got a bf,but I just i didn't think she would ever just block me like it was nothing. I know that proves that we are better off without eachother but I'm still hurt.
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I don't know what to do
Anxiety Support / by modorange07
Last post
 December 19th, 2025
...See more I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. All of my friends have boyfriends so I am not usually a first thought,and I'm really struggling- any time I have any issues it's on me to fix them which is usually completely fine. But I got into a big argument and I just I wanted to talk to someone- for some to care about how I felt or how I'm doing and I've never felt so small. I feel so insignificant and I have no idea what to do about it. I talked to my therapist and she kind of made it worse. All I really want is someone to ask me about my day- or want to talk to me. Or just miss me. Miss talking to me. Or want to talk to me about situations. I just feel so unimportant and when I bring this up I don't feel heard. It doesn't ever feel like it matters. And I asked my therapist what to do and she kind of just told me something that made things worse. And I just....I'm not sure if im the kind of people,people want to talk to or be around. And I dont know what to do.
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Being 23
20 & Over / by modorange07
Last post
 March 3rd, 2025
...See more Why does being in your twenties feel so weird? Why does it feel like any time you mistep your life is over or that you're running out of time? I'm 23 and I'm so overly cautious about wasting my life and it's horrifying
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