Taking care of everyone
Hi!
For the last four years I have been housebound - I was in a really bad relationship and i figured that was why i couldnt leave the house. I talked to my ex and it went great,and it made me realize that living with my dad he was also manipulating me,being verbally abusive and overall taking advantage of me ; I looked back on my life and it appears that there hasn't been a single person who hasn't taken advantage of me and put me in a position where I am taking care of them. I have essentially taken care of every person who has crossed my path.
Looking back even when I went to therapy, i would get upset bc i would have to spell things out for them or just felt i wasn't understood, just to be told it was no one's job to understand me.
I still live with my dad,my anxiety has gotten much better after realizing this but he has been on a trip and is coming back ina few days and I am terrified and angry to be put back in that position of essentially his mother ; but not even that my sibling who is in his early 20s stay with us so its not only taking care of my dad over the weekend its a family dinner that i cook,then cleaning after that,and the weekend is basically me taking care of my dad and brother while also cleaning.
I am very nervous about it all. I'm not even sure how to stand my ground if i wash my dish my dad will say something like "well you're already cleaning " - i have felt horrible for years,for not just being better and then it was like he's the reason i had to be an adult by the time i was 3, and now i have to gain the strength and courage to get a job and live in a way i havent in 4 years to move out..and I am terrified.
I realized the friends that i have they also take advantage of me by using me as a therapist,but they don't actually talk to me or even know me. I usually just talk to my mom about things like this but my mom also has autism,so there are certain aspects that she doesn't understand and also she's my mom and thats her ex husband and i just dont know what other advice she can offer me other than 'try not to think about it,get a job,save up and move out'.
If anyone has any advice or encouraging words I really need them! Thank you for reading.
@modorange07 Ohh my! It seems the boundaries between parent and child have mixed. While it's a beautiful quality to help others, provide care, offer support, etc... it should be something done willingly. Doing these beautiful acts of service for others should not be causing you anxiety, stress, anger, sadness, or any of that. I'm sorry you feel like you had to grow up entirely too quick and have this burden. How sad it must feel to feel as if every person in your life has taken advantage of you for their selfish gain.
You've shown lots of care to others. May I ask: when do you suppose you'll show that same care and nourish to your own self? Don't you know you're important too. Your needs, wants, desires, dreams, and happiness. You matter. I hope that you're able to do what is best for you so you can live a life you're happy and proud of and where you can feel so much less stress. Please hang in there and best of luck to you. ❤️
@YourCaringConfidant I suppose, I felt that it wasn't important because at times I do take care of myself I am shamed or guilted into taking care of someone else,which isn't fair. I also don't think it's right that even when I do put boundaries for other people to overlook them bc it inconviences them.
I don't believe its been fair but I do think I need to be taking care of myself regardless of the manipulation tatics that are played.
@modorange07 You're exactly right, and it's not fair. You do deserve to care for yourself without others quilting you or making you feel shame for doing so. I'm really sorry people around you use and manipulate you and take your kindness for granted. Please continue to do things of self care for you. I hope things turn around for you.
@modorange07 I'm sorry that you're going through this. Sending all the hugs and support your way. ♥️
@CoolInTheChaos i really apperciate it,thank you <3