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patientLion707
2 266 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts83 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes64 Current upvotes64 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 20, 2026
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Slipping away
Family & Caregivers / by patientLion707
Last post
 September 15th
...See more Foster mom of 30 years is 94 years old with dementia and other health problems. I live with her and it is very difficult each day watching her slip away further and further. She and her family haven't been good to me and have been very abusive all these years and isolating me and don't treat me okay and have never loved me . They have always made it known that they just view me as a carer for their mother so that they don't have to be bothered with her much nor move her in with them or put her in a home...so they are using me to tend to her. Even though everything..I still love and care for her deeply, and it's very difficult and I feel badly that I can't fix her and make her better and deage her
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Complexites
Grief & Loss / by patientLion707
Last post
 September 15th
...See more I feel lost empty abandoned numb depressed unclaimed unloved uncared for, not needed a burden. Even though my biological parents were terrible, neglectful, stuck non thriving people...They were mine. I belonged to them even if they didn't want me. My biological mother passed away when I was 13..my bio mom use to apologize to us because she didn't terminate and how basically we weren't what she wanted now my alleged biological father in March .. he never was in my life, just would rarely come and go to just see my mom never interacting with us... he also told us that he never wanted us, that he told our mom to terminate but she didn't listen, how our existence basically ruined everything...i was around two when he said it right to our faces...now they're both gone. Their lives are completed. it just leaves me with an unsettling empty feeling. Complex grief. I feel hurt, I feel angry, I feel relieved, I feel depressed..i feel...until I don't anymore..which is never.. They don't exist anymore. There are no answers, no closure, nothing they can provide me with ..the things that only they can give me or should..parts of me are permanently gone.. .then my foster mom and her family are still terrible towards me and with the health problems and everything im going through it's too much
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Everlasting trauma
50 & Over Community / by patientLion707
Last post
 September 16th
...See more I feel lost empty abandoned numb depressed unclaimed unloved uncared for, not needed a burden. Even though my biological parents were terrible, neglectful, stuck non thriving people...They were mine. I belonged to them even if they didn't want me. My biological mother passed away when I was 13..my bio mom use to apologize to us because she didn't terminate and how basically we weren't what she wanted now my alleged biological father in March .. he never was in my life, just would rarely come and go to just see my mom never interacting with us... he also told us that he never wanted us, that he told our mom to terminate but she didn't listen, how our existence basically ruined everything...i was around two when he said it right to our faces...now they're both gone. Their lives are completed. it just leaves me with an unsettling empty feeling. Complex grief. I feel hurt, I feel angry, I feel relieved, I feel depressed..i feel...until I don't anymore..which is never.. They don't exist anymore. There are no answers, no closure, nothing they can provide me with ..the things that only they can give me or should..parts of me are permanently gone.. .then my foster mom and her family are still terrible towards me and with the health problems and everything im going through it's too much
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Hollow
50 & Over Community / by patientLion707
Last post
 September 6th
...See more I feel hollow, numb and empty. I hide and cry a lot when I am alone or when my foster mom is sleeping. . I'm jealous and envious of the youth, people that seem to enjoy living and are "alive", people with families and friends, etc people in relationships regardless of how the dynamics are, people who have the presence of someone, etc... I am not aging well, I've never had a good life..nothing but a life full of hurt and trauma ..my internal deep wounds are surfacing more and taking a toll on my physical. I'm ugly, old, some missing teeth, wrinkles, scars and wounds all over my body, saggy thinner skin, missing thinner hair, scawl lines, mouth pulled almost permanently into a sad clown position, etc .. I have no life, no genuine loved ones, sickly, forever unemployed, etc ... I am in my 40's and have never looked nor aged youthful ..now it's over . I really hope that I can find enough distractions to numb me untill It is my time...
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Hollow
35 & Over Community / by patientLion707
Last post
 September 8th
...See more I feel hollow, numb and empty. I hide and cry a lot when I am alone or when my foster mom is sleeping. . I'm jealous and envious of the youth, people that seem to enjoy living and are "alive", people with families and friends, etc people in relationships regardless of how the dynamics are, people who have the presence of someone, etc... I am not aging well, I've never had a good life..nothing but a life full of hurt and trauma ..my internal deep wounds are surfacing more and taking a toll on my physical. I'm ugly, old, some missing teeth, wrinkles, scars and wounds all over my body, saggy thinner skin, missing thinner hair, scawl lines, mouth pulled almost permanently into a sad clown position, etc .. I have no life, no genuine loved ones, sickly, forever unemployed, etc ... I am in my 40's and have never looked nor aged youthful ..now it's over . I really hope that I can find enough distractions to numb me untill It is my time...
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Nothing left
35 & Over Community / by patientLion707
Last post
 August 16th
...See more In my 40's had a deeply traumatic life that will forever be embedded inside of me and always front and center of everything..and will always haunt me. I've been through soo much trauma, exclusion, isolation, abuse of many kinds, being unloved, being uncared for, etc ... That there's nothing left. There's just nothing left of me. I have nothing left of me to give. Not even to myself. I just mope around all day lost In trauma and in my head and doomscrolling trying to distract myself and stop from feeling.. nothing ever works. I'm forever unemployed and can never work, friendless, no boyfriend/girlfriend, no family, I am confined to the house don't like being outside, don't like being around people nor interacting much, inside 24/7. .had PTSD and anxieties my whole life, body is giving out, in poor health, watching the non losers and world go by from a window... I'm exhausted by life and existence. There's nothing left..there never was anything
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