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pluckyBalloon3377
1 408 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts32 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceDecember 31, 2025
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Hb confided in me
Relationship Stress / by pluckyBalloon3377
Last post
 September 20th
...See more I don't really know how to start this, so I'll jump in. A few months back, my husband told me that there was something he really needed to talk to me about. We've been married for almost 3 years, and finally he told me about a week or two ago... that he's addicted to adult videography.... He said it started over 10 years ago when he was a preteen. I can't be mad at him for it starting because I feel like you don't really know what you're doing to yourself as a kid, being exposed to things like that. However, the fact that he proposed to me, married me, and even told me when he wants to have a kid with me, all while doing this behind my back. Spending 2 hours in the bathroom at times while I'm sitting there waiting for him so we can do something together, work, go somewhere, and he's just been in there watching this every day for the past 4 years of our relationship. And he asked me for help, and I'm glad that he did, but a week or so after, he told me that it's been a lot easier than he thought it would be, which tells me that he didn't even try before? And I just don't understand how he could have proposed to me all this while doing that behind my back and been okay with it. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be gracious, but this really hurt; it feels like he cheated on me, which is something we've both many a time said is unforgivable. But I'm so lost because I love him so much
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The truth
Relationship Stress / by pluckyBalloon3377
Last post
 January 13th
...See more I've now talked to my friends and my mom about my situation, no one thinks it's healthy but... It's not all bad he still treats me great.....as long as we aren't trying to have a serious conversation. But it's hard to let go or ask for space when I love him so much still, I could almost pretend nothing is wrong and just live in the moments where nothing matters but him, never acknowledging any problems.  But I also know I couldn't do that for the long run. How do I even start the conversation with someone who doesn't want to talk about it period. I'm on the verge of ending our marriage but I'm stuck between my love and my needs. How do I get him to understand I really need to talk to him, that if we don't talk about it soon he's going to lose more of me than just what we do in the bedroom (I haven't been making myself available that way bc of my mental health recently)  I'm also worried because he used to try to hard when we first got together and it slowly faded up to when we got married and it all seemed to go down the drain. Was it all just a lie? Or was he really trying in the beginning and just gave up?  I'm still so confused even though I think the answer is right in front of me
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Discussions
Relationship Stress / by pluckyBalloon3377
Last post
 January 7th
...See more I finally opened up to my friends about what's been happening with my husband. They all think I should ask for space away from him. They listened to me and made me feel valid for my emotions. Then told me that they had noticed a lot of these behaviors earlier in our relationship. I don't want to face the truth that I need to give my husband the option, start working on his mental health or I'm going to have to leave. I can't be his emotional punching bag that tries to help him and give him options just for him to ignore me or get upset.  I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want a new life but I've already kind of told him that things need to get better. I've tried again and again to talk to him and he still won't have an adult conversation with me. I'm so scared of messing everything up
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Here again
Relationship Stress / by pluckyBalloon3377
Last post
 January 7th
...See more I felt much better after hearing some of the things people said last time I posted here so I thought I might try again. I don't know what to think of this anymore I just need outside perspective but I'm not close enough with anyone I know to talk about these things in detail. My husband (of 1 year) and I got in an argument on the way home, it started small I just asked him a question about something and he raised his voice immediately with me. He's been doing this a lot recently, so I asked him why. He just said I'll do better, no other response. Which has also been his answer recently every time I try to talk about something that bothers me. And I try so so hard to be careful about how I word things but at this point I am just asking him small questions about it that just barely even mention the issue, trying to avoid making him feel like I'm accusing him. But he just blows up on me. So again I asked him why, I know I'm pushing but I'm tired of not actually talking, which is what I asked him about. Why it felt like we weren't *really* talking. And he tells me it's because he doesn't want to talk about it right now. Okay, I respect that. What do we do when I really wanna talk about something and you don't, was my next question. He just says I don't know. Then I told him I'm sorry, I'm struggling. (A phrase we use, he knows I mean mentally when I say this) And he just had no response. And and about 5 minutes later I said, we don't have to talk, we can just let everything fall apart.  I know I shouldn't have said the last thing but we were silent on the way home and now he's acting like nothing even happened.
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Need advice
Relationship Stress / by pluckyBalloon3377
Last post
 January 2nd
...See more I have been married for just over a year. We both have some mental struggles that we are actively working through and sometimes those things cause issues in our relationship. The main thing that causes big issues is unfortunately he has a very low self esteem and it makes him really afraid I will cheat. I haven't given him any reason to ACTUALLY think I would cheat on him, we both have the same view which is that it is immature and we would rather just fix things. Except I feel like I am the only one who's actually trying to be a better person. He knows that it's a problem (along with other things) and he has said he wants to help himself but he won't find any resources for himself and the ones I try to give him he never uses. And I'm not asking him to be perfect I just think we could both be better people and it would be a lot better for our relationship. I don't want to leave, I really do love him, but I don't think I can stay if things don't get better.
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