Here again
I felt much better after hearing some of the things people said last time I posted here so I thought I might try again. I don't know what to think of this anymore I just need outside perspective but I'm not close enough with anyone I know to talk about these things in detail.
My husband (of 1 year) and I got in an argument on the way home, it started small I just asked him a question about something and he raised his voice immediately with me. He's been doing this a lot recently, so I asked him why. He just said I'll do better, no other response. Which has also been his answer recently every time I try to talk about something that bothers me.
And I try so so hard to be careful about how I word things but at this point I am just asking him small questions about it that just barely even mention the issue, trying to avoid making him feel like I'm accusing him. But he just blows up on me.
So again I asked him why, I know I'm pushing but I'm tired of not actually talking, which is what I asked him about. Why it felt like we weren't *really* talking. And he tells me it's because he doesn't want to talk about it right now. Okay, I respect that. What do we do when I really wanna talk about something and you don't, was my next question. He just says I don't know.
Then I told him I'm sorry, I'm struggling. (A phrase we use, he knows I mean mentally when I say this) And he just had no response. And and about 5 minutes later I said, we don't have to talk, we can just let everything fall apart.
I know I shouldn't have said the last thing but we were silent on the way home and now he's acting like nothing even happened.
@pluckyBalloon3377
Thank you for trusting the space again and sharing this. What you’re describing sounds deeply painful and confusing, especially when you’re trying to communicate gently and are met with raised voices or silence. Wanting real conversation and emotional presence in a marriage is not asking for too much. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re struggling and it’s also okay to notice patterns that leave you feeling unheard. Please be kind to yourself here. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and emotionally met in your relationship.
@LopaConnect
Do you feel it's wrong for me to talk about our problems, I feel guilty because he always says "my biggest fear with us is that you talk *** behind my back"
@pluckyBalloon3377
do you know how he is doing mentally or other?
My partner would often raise voice or try to shut down conversation when he was overly stressed or burdened but he did not share with me. I know you are frustrated by the lack of communication and sometimes we say something like the last bit of your statement about falling apart.
it is of course individual in my case I had to push to have a break thru in conversation. For others that did not work and creates more issues.
I think asking him about what you should do about when one wants to talk and the other does not and that you felt you were not communicating is opening door to conversation. has he in the past thought about things you discuss and then come back to it?
sometimes needs time to really absorb the thoughts about what we discussed before being able to actively discuss any issue.
I think it is ok to ask basic tips on opening up or getting a different persepctive you are not talking **** about anyone.
@toughTiger6481
When we first got together he was really good about listening and making me feel heard. I wasn't very good at taking criticism or talking about my feelings and he helped me feel more comfortable doing that. But since we got married it's like he shut me out.
@pluckyBalloon3377
I get it. I used to laugh at those who warned me if you marry it will change. it is a business contract for me what should change. we were together for a longer time then when we got married and yes things changed.
remind him he listened and helped you grow in communication and as a person. make him feel more comfortable in sharing. if he cannot tell you things, who does he trust or care about their opinion over u.
