The truth
I've now talked to my friends and my mom about my situation, no one thinks it's healthy but... It's not all bad he still treats me great.....as long as we aren't trying to have a serious conversation. But it's hard to let go or ask for space when I love him so much still, I could almost pretend nothing is wrong and just live in the moments where nothing matters but him, never acknowledging any problems.
But I also know I couldn't do that for the long run. How do I even start the conversation with someone who doesn't want to talk about it period. I'm on the verge of ending our marriage but I'm stuck between my love and my needs. How do I get him to understand I really need to talk to him, that if we don't talk about it soon he's going to lose more of me than just what we do in the bedroom (I haven't been making myself available that way bc of my mental health recently)
I'm also worried because he used to try to hard when we first got together and it slowly faded up to when we got married and it all seemed to go down the drain. Was it all just a lie? Or was he really trying in the beginning and just gave up?
I'm still so confused even though I think the answer is right in front of me
@pluckyBalloon3377
People change in marriage if they share with each other, they can grow together.
if they do not share many assumptions and misunderstandings happen. we assume them pulling back is something wrong, so we do the same. All we create is distance. Communication is more than just talking. Seems like many men shut ppl down with i do not like to talk or acting like a jerk to avoid it.
smoothing things over and trying to avoid the issue will not resolve anything ... start with and stick with honesty. using I feel type statements and asking them questions that require an answer. Start on the smaller things and work up to bigger. Avoid ultimatums or threats. maybe set aside time a bit every week do not tackle everything at once.
This is like what I did helped a great deal.
@toughTiger6481
These are things I have been trying for a while at this point. He will give me silence rather than an answer if it ever feels like I'm forcing him to do anything. And I try to not make it forced because of this so I try to just ask hey I felt this way when this thing happened can we talk about it? Or something along those lines, I can't seem to get through to him.
My family thinks we should do counseling but the idea of getting other people involved in our marriage makes him even more upset.
@pluckyBalloon3377
you tried the be nice plan ... mine also rejected counseling told him I went anyway and started making plans and changes within myself. That way it is up to them in being left behind.
like babysitting each child in this case partner responds to different scenarios.
You can still tell him how you feel. it does not need to be a two-way conversation. I told mine, I felt this was no longer working and I was not walking on eggshells anymore.... I was not waiting for them to decide to participate. The first opened the door the second got more participation.
My marriage was the same. I walked out because I felt I can't take it mentally. I mean that is when I put the foot down. Otherwise I don't think any of it is right on his part.