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sensitiveChestnut4695
622 M Embraced 5
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceAugust 4, 2021
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Valued
Depression Support / by sensitiveChestnut4695
Last post
April 27th, 2022
...See more We all go in life thinking what did we do to deserve this from people or friends. I always made my friends happy to the point that I forgot my happiness in life. I always put them first and I was a people pleaser. To be honest, being a people pleaser has left me nowhere but always wanting people by my side. The reason why I did that is because I didn't want anybody to leave me or abandon me but they did in the end. My friends drained me and they got the best of me. My friends would claim that they cared for me but they never proved it by their actions. I even let my friends make a fool out of me and they even humiliated me no matter how nice I was to them. I always hid my pain in silence so that no one can see or judge me of how I was feeling. About three weeks ago, I found myself in a hard place going through strong depression and my friends where nowhere to be found. I felt unmattered, unvalued, and unimportant. I needed them to be supportive but they never showed up, the only people that were truly there for me were the ones that I least expected. The people that were there for me were the ones that I pushed away, I didn't show much attention to, but the strangest thing is that they even loved me at my worst. I was trying so hard to get someone else's attention while their attention was somewhere else. I'm learning to rebuild my relationships to the ones I've hurt and I'm learning to love myself through my toughest times.
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The struggle of relationships
Relationship Stress / by sensitiveChestnut4695
Last post
April 30th, 2022
...See more I admit having relationships aren't always easy to maintain. The relationships that I have with people arent always good because they never last. I used to have friends but we all went our separate ways, my relationship with them wasn't strong enough because we lacked communication and understanding. When I was with my friends, I felt more alone and depressed. In 2021, I gave some people from my past another chance to be friends again but they walked away from me and they didn't want to be around me anymore. One of them even claimed they wanted to go out with me but it turns out he made a fool out of me. He played with my feelings and emotions, I was then told that he was hitting on another girl. In other words, once when people get to know the real me they leave and start ghosting me. It happens all the time with everyone I meet, people lose interest in me. At times I feel depressed and I beat up myself up about the reason why people dont like being around me. I admit its always been tough but I'm trying to push my way through life and Im learning to live happier each day.
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Anxieties
Anxiety Support / by sensitiveChestnut4695
Last post
April 22nd, 2022
...See more I get anxiety around a lot of people and I tend to have a bad attitude because of the stress I feel around them. I also get anxious around couples in which I'm happy for but they always look at me with pity. I get so anxious about my future because I feel like I will always be around the same kind of people, the ones who make me feel bad about myself on purpose. I even get anxious when I make decisions for the next steps in my life because I fear the rejection of people and I also feel like I'm going to be a failure even if I try.
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Challenging times
Trauma Support / by sensitiveChestnut4695
Last post
April 20th, 2022
...See more I went through a tough time with coping with this trauma. I was sexually assualted by someone younger about 4 years ago. At the time I did tell the police but they thought that I made it up. I still remember the time and place in where it happened. When I talk about it it makes want to cry and hide. Some people in my family were understanding about it and some were not because they would pressure me into fastening my healing process. I admit it wasn't helpful, my sister exposed me to her boyfriend about my assault and after that I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. It was as though if the people were told about my assault they would bring it up to make me feel bad, tease me, look at me different, or even be disgusted by me like they didnt want to be around me anymore. I'm still trying to move on with my life as if it never happened. At times it is hard to leave the house because of the fear of it happening again.
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