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twocozy
6 272 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts64 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes47 Current upvotes47 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceMay 6, 2025
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i feel like an alien
Autism Support / by twocozy
Last post
 May 14th, 2025
...See more everything i do is engulfed in this layer of inherent difference. the way i talk, my mannerisms, the way i make sense of things, carry myself, the way i feel and think, it all just feels wildly different from the way people are “supposed” to behave and be. i feel like an alien pretending to be human. going to human school, living in a human world, trying to interact with humans. i seem to blend in with them, but at the end of the day, we’re just inherently different.  i know this is part of how my autism manifests itself. i actually really like being autistic and finding community with other autistic people. i think it’s wonderful how much variance there is in our experiences. however, i can’t help but feel like i’m literally just too different and too weird for anyone to deal with. this is constantly reinforced by the people and circumstances around me.  i’m often told i don’t make sense even though i’m genuinely trying to. people have a difficult time understanding the way i word and express things verbally. i’m reminded time and time again just how weird and different i am, and i‘m so tired of it. at this point, all i want is to communicate, think, and act like a “normal,” palatable, and societally acceptable person. i don’t want to be everyone’s freak anymore. i’d rather be boring and normal than an alien everywhere i go
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i feel like a burden to them
Relationship Stress / by twocozy
Last post
 May 11th, 2025
...See more my partner, who i care about very deeply, seems to be growing more and more distant, and it’s been upsetting me more than i would like to admit.  it’s an extremely busy time of year for us both, and we are both under a lot of stress, so i understand that’s affecting their behavior. however, they simply don’t seem to enjoy my presence all that much anymore. when attending events, they have a tendency to go interact with everyone but me, and the interactions with me are brief, and seem disinterested.  in social situations, they sometimes talk over or interrupt me due to not having heard me, or i’ll find myself having to repeat the same phrase multiple times in order to get their attention. now, i know this isn’t that big of a deal, and i feel silly being upset over it, especially considering the fact that they have adhd (as do i), and i know that accidentally interrupting/having a short attention span is a symptom. however, it just simply seems like i think and care about them much more than they think/care about me. i’ve asked multiple times if they are okay, if i’ve done anything wrong, if they are still okay with me, etc., and on paper, it seems like everything should be normal? after we’re less busy, i plan on talking to them (which i’ve told them, asking them many times if there’s a day that works for them, but it doesn’t seem to be something they’re terribly concerned with), and telling them about some of the things they’ve done that have hurt my feelings, but mostly communicating my sensitivity about this kind of thing.  i have an intense fear of abandonment, and i’ve had relationships in the past where i’ve simply faded away from the other person’s life as a person they care about. i’m so terrified that that’s what’s happening. however, i can’t help but feel like i’m being childish, unreasonable, and asking too much. they haven’t been negative or mean to me. if they ignore/speak over me, it’s never on purpose (obv i can’t know for a fact, but i really don’t think they would do that). they don’t intend to hurt me at all, and i hate hate hate to admit that they have, even a little bit. i fear im being clingy and overreactive. i know i have attachment issues, and we discussed this toward the beginning of our relationship. it just seems like they’d rather talk to and be around anyone else. not only do i feel like i no longer have anything to offer them even though i try my best to, but i actively feel like a burden to them. i feel as though i’m weighing them down with my mental illness. as much as i hate to admit it, they kind of make me feel really sad. i feel like i don’t mean much to them. i’m sure that’s not the case. i know that’s not the case, but why does it feel this way?  it’s hurting me very, very deeply. in my mind, im almost preparing for them to say that they no longer want anything to do with me (i know i have a tendency to catastrophize). in some moments, i feel utterly unlovable, unpalatable, unwelcome, etc. i feel like such an overwhelmingly negative presence in their life. i want to tell them this, but i’m afraid it’ll put them off majorly, like “oh, you’re too ill/anxious/depressed for me.” what should i do? i’m so upset.
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feeling ok today
Depression Support / by twocozy
Last post
 May 9th, 2025
...See more for the first time in about a month, i don’t feel an overwhelming sense of misery permeating me! today i was able to communicate honestly with someone i care about without crying or breaking down, prepare a simple but real meal, and even go for a walk!!  some parts of the day were bad, yes, but as of writing this? i don’t feel utterly miserable and defeated, and that’s so so huge for me. i can even see myself making it to the end of this month and into the next one. i haven’t felt that way in ages.  all this being said, i want to tell all of you guys that what you’re feeling right now isn’t forever. there are going to be ups as well as downs. i can’t guarantee how i’ll feel tomorrow, but what i will remember is how i felt today. not ecstatic, not even necessarily happy, but okay. that is a huge accomplishment, and it’s worth celebrating!!  so please hold on, and see how you feel tomorrow. i swear it’s worth it 
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what helps you guys?
Newbie Hub / by twocozy
Last post
 May 9th, 2025
...See more i want to know about some things that help you guys to feel better or calm down in times of distress!  i feel consistently miserable, and i’m in a horrible place, and i don’t know what to do. so, i think it might help to know what you guys do when you’re feeling awful
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