Have you ever felt like you couldn’t do or say something, fear of being ridiculed by your negative perception of yourself? Look no further to this very article! We will be working together to overcome your self-esteem challenges so you can be confident and love yourself.

This article uses an example person named Lola. Lola (they/them) is a teenager who suffers from low-self esteem and wants to overcome their self-esteem challenges. They go through this article and write down their experiences! You will see an excerpt of what they wrote, right after the description of the step. Let’s begin!

Step 1: Figure Out What Situations Make You Feel Inferior

The first step is figuring out what specific situations, places, conditions, or people make you feel not like your best self. For example, you may feel bad about yourself when you mess up presenting a speech in front of the class. When you become aware of these situations that lower your self-esteem, you can then work on them using the steps listed below.

Lola: They write down on a piece of paper some situations in which they feel inferior or times where they feel their self-esteem plummets. They notice they become really shy and feel horrible when it comes to conflicts in their class. They take a debate class, and they really love it, but they feel as if their points are invalid and will get ridiculed for it. This in turn makes them participate in class less.

Step 2: Make Note of Your Thoughts During Those Situations

The second step is making sure you reflect on certain thoughts or perceptions you have of yourself during those situations that trigger your low self-esteem. Do you feel like your opinions don’t matter? Do you feel like people will not like you or will laugh at you? Do you talk down on yourself and beat yourself up? Are your ideas and perceptions based on real facts or irrational fears? These perceptions can be negative, positive, or even neutral. Writing down these thoughts can help you pick up on any patterns you have, which can help you tailor the steps discussed in this article, to your needs.

Lola: They recognize how they talk down to themselves when they think of debate points. They notice how every time the teacher calls upon them, they feel panicky and think of the worst case scenario, which would be a classmate laughing at them and making fun of them behind their back. Lola knows this is an irrational fear because they know their points were praised by the teacher when they wrote an essay about the topic they were discussing in class.

Step 3: Challenge Your Thoughts

We can sometimes think of the most negative outcomes in situations. It’s part of human nature, however, it can negatively impact one’s self-esteem. You might feel like your opinions don’t matter, or that what you said or do is embarrassing. The thing is, no one can tell you what is or is not embarrassing. Everything is subjective in this world because everyone has different perspectives. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you’re valid in what you say or do. There are multiple things to think about when you challenge your thoughts. For example, you may say if you don’t get an A on this test, you’re a failure. This is called an all-or-nothing type of mentality. The thing is though, there is some middle ground. You could get a B or C, but as long as you tried your best, that is all that matters. You could be having a bad day or didn’t sleep well that night, so it’s not effective or healthy to put so much pressure on yourself. Another example is if a friend didn’t reply to your text message. You might think they are mad at you, but you should challenge your thinking and instead of thinking of the worst case scenario, you can say that maybe they are busy since they work at night and might be having a busy day. They will reply as soon as they can, and I have done nothing to make them upset. That type of thinking will boost your self-esteem because you are focusing on the things that can go right and things that are out of your control, are things you shouldn’t worry about since they most likely have nothing to do with you. In addition, the things you do do not determine your self-worth. As long as you put your best foot forward, you’re golden.

Lola: After they recognized what thoughts they have regarding their debate points, they challenged their thoughts by talking to themselves in the mirror. They realized that regardless of what anyone thinks, including their teacher who had a positive opinion, they believe truly that their points are valid. They felt their points weren’t valid when thinking about their classmates, but truly, Lola felt their points were well structured and they should be proud of themselves. If their classmates do decide to make fun of Lola, Lola realizes that it has nothing to do with their opinion, rather, it shows how insecure their classmates are if they feel the need to make unnecessary and ineffective criticism.

Step 4: Use Affirmations

This is an underrated tip that most people look over. Using affirmations can solidify the way you talk to yourself. It helps you feel more confident in yourself, so your self-esteem can be boosted. Your problems won’t all magically go away by using just affirmations, but it certainly does help. In addition to going through all the steps we’ve gone through in this article, you should use positive affirmations to help you. For example, you can say “I’m more capable than I think,” “I am beautiful,” “I deserve the best,” “I have a beautiful heart and soul,” “I am smart and intelligent,” or even “I appreciate myself.” It may seem silly talking to yourself, but it really helps you shift your thoughts from negatives ones that bring you down, to positive ones. They improve your mood and better your performance in life.

Lola: They record themselves saying positive affirmations out loud and listen to that recording while getting ready for school. They also say it in the mirror while doing their hair. Today is the day where Lola has a class debate. After using this step-by-step guide, Lola feels confident in herself and has boosted her self-esteem. After practicing these tips for a while, she feels confident to speak up in class, and when she feels like her self-esteem is lowering, she looks back to this article and other 7 Cups articles on self-esteem to help her. This process is not an easy one, but it does get better!

A Reminder

Remember, you are worth it and the fact that you are reading this article proves that you want to get better and improve your self-esteem. It may take some time and patience, but it will ultimately help you. You got this!

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Biography

Brina has been a verified active listener since February of 2021. She currently has a 5-star rating, over 11 positive reviews, and 64 badges, and has completed over 35 training courses including Academy programs such as the Leadership Development Program, Community Building Course as well as the 7 Cups Internship. Her number one priority is making the members she talks to safe, heard, and welcomed. She believes that everyone can learn something from one another, through diverse perspectives, and that everyone deserves to be loved and heard. After graduating from the Content Development and Marketing Program at the 7 Cups Academy amongst other accomplishments, Brina hopes to continue making a positive impact on the 7 Cups as well as the mental health community.