Marriage help
Hey guys Im 29 I got married really young Ive been with my partner for 7 years. We grew up together so essentially my identity, family ties and pretty much my whole life is tied into hers. I don't know who I am without her. Ive noticed from the start that my partner was a little manipulative and emotionally volatile. Ive always brushed it off and tried to keep the peace. Ive realized now that Ive sacrificed myself and my feelings for so long that I feel so emotionally drained now. I feel finally I've hit rock bottom and I don't have anything left to give. Im tired of regulating her emotions, so she is calm and happy because when she is not she lashes out. Im tired of having transactional intimacy that is only one sided. Im tired of walking on eggshells with her if I speak my truth it leads to conflict or guilt. This has lead to over the years of me just being silent and taking it. Has anyone experienced this? What did you do Im stuck!
@dynamicHuman2975
I've totally been where you are.. I had to just leave permanently, but i'm not you.. You have to decide what you value.. What's important, what's negotiable..🌲
@dynamicHuman2975
I want to say that it's always easier to give advice from the outside, so listen to yourself. But it seems to me that you're in a situation where your partner isn't giving you what you need. I mean, at least the bare minimum, so you see the point in continuing. If that's the case, then maybe you should reconsider your relationship. Seven years is a very long time, but you still have many years of life ahead of you, and if you drag a toxic relationship along with you just because of seven years, you'll lose even more. I don't know anything about her, but if she shows no signs of readiness to change, perhaps you're just not in the right situation right now to continue. That's normal. Sometimes you need some distance to understand something...
@dynamicHuman2975
Hello, I am sorry you are experiencing this also many people do... it takes small steps to change. we cannot change others only ourselves. I took small steps to find out who I am not around them I also quit bending over backwards to save their feelings ... people change at different rates and times you cannot hold back from expressing it. NO guilt as if the shoe was on the other foot she would change without holding back for you.
Once I made changes and spoke up regardless of their antics.... they always have some the anger outburst or the silent treatment or the upset game.... Once they see you are immune to their manipulative games do not cover for them and in my case, people know partner was difficult. when faced with you know who you are Without them, they have two choices change or leave.
Being with each other so long we should be able to tell our partner exactly how we feel about treatment etc. Keeping the peace is not love it is a job... telling them how YOU see them is a big wakeup call ... If they chose to leave tell them good luck in finding anyone else who would have put up with it.
