Trying to navigate life as an adult with parents who neglected my mental health as a kid

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going through a mental breakdown down every week and I'm having crazy delusions that scare me. I wish my family didn't ignore me and hide me away as I child. I wish they weren't ashamed of me because I self harmed and starved myself. I wish my mind was quiet. I wish I didn't have social anxiety. I wish I could control my emotions and didn't freak out anytime I have something new come my way. I hate not knowing what I'm going through. I hate intrusive thoughts that are so loud I can almost hear them. I'm sick of feeling like I'm being watched. I'm sick of being obsessive. I'm sick of how loud my mind is. The only thing that gets my through each day is my art.