In a toxic relationship

@Sundancer95

Why would he leave if you are keeping him fed and roof over his head..... it is time for you to put your foot down ...... i know easier said then done but no reason to work 7 days a week to be treated badly and accused of BS. If no job for him get out...... never understood even partners if in between something stand by and let other work like crazy to keep up ......

it might be projection accusing you of what he is......... but he does not sound like a catch....

it is a trick to put you on the defensive to do all you can to show you are committed... and trying to prove you are devoted...

@Sundancer95 Hey there, thank you for sharing your struggles with us here.

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. It sounds draining and exhausting, and maddening, as you said!

It sounds like you are really frustrated, and like something definitely needs to change.

If you'd like to talk more 1-1 about what you are going through, please reach out to a listener. www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/

@toughTiger6481

your last paragraph sums it up! That hit home. I felt that. Wow!!

@Sundancer95

I'd have to agree with toughTiger6481. He has no reason to leave. My aunt struggled with a similar situation. I told her to stop cooking for him and stop doing his laundry. She did. He started to get upset. Then she refused to let him sleep in the same bed. She gave him an ultimatum: pay half the bills or move out. He stopped attacking her with accusations because she wasn't concerned about convincing him otherwise. She wanted a partner- as a provider, as a parent, and as a lover. He wasn't providing that for any of those roles and she made it simple. It took her seven years to do it. He tried for a bit but realized that wasn't him and he left. She's with a better man now, her kids are happier. She's happier, works less, and feels loved.

I think the accusations were meant to distract from the abuse going on. It's "yeah, I'm not holding my end of the relationship, but for all I know, you might be doing something wrong too." And then, you get caught up in the false and ridiculous accusation that you don't get to the real problem. I am so glad that my aunt finally pushed back and saw that she and her kids deserve better. She still gave him a chance, but she made it clear that she was not his slave and that he needed her more than she needed him.

He is projecting on you the things that he is doing. Ask him to lend you his phone so you can go through it. If he is not doing anything then he shouldn’t mind letting you look through his phone. If he gets mad and doesn’t want to then he is doing stuff behind your back.

@Sundancer95 You make the money,so perhaps you should leave.

@Sundancer95

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and draining situation in your relationship. It sounds like there are trust issues and a lack of balance and support. However, based on the information you provided, it seems possible that your partner's accusations may stem from their own guilt or insecurities.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. If the relationship continues to be emotionally draining and toxic, it might be worth considering whether it's a healthy environment for you. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, supported, and valued.

@Sundancer95

It's crazy because I am here also dealing with a 5 year relationship, not married. That is the reason I joined here today. I am desperate just like you. The difference is I am the guy and I feel, that we are where we are because of me. I feel it may be too late now that I realize this.

I too get jealous and let me mind wonder/get the best of me. I think the worst and I do not know why. I've given my girl crap multiple times when in the end, it was assumptions or insecurities.

We also fight a lot but, now I think she had a point many of those times.

Sometimes we as men don't know what we have until it's to late. I hope that's not the case for me.

I understand your anger and frustration... I'm here if you want to talk, maybe we can help each other 😊

@Sundancer95

I am very very glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us, it takes a lot of courage to come out and openly talk about some things that are so personal to us sometimes.

As for what you can try to do, to get yourself out of this dire situation... first of all, you must make him realise what he is making you feel. he may or may not still love and care for you as a person, but every individual has a sense of basic courtesy to not intentionally hurt someone else. you may have tried talking to him in the past, but it is possible he did not entirely understand the severity of the situation then. You've got to really sit-him-down about this.

Also, as for the part where he accuses you of cheating, i feel that, as long as you are 100% sure and clear in your head that you are loyal to this relationship, you should not have to prove anything to him.

I am also very upset about hearing that you alone manage the expenses of the household, but at the same time, it makes me very proud to see that you have managed to do so well so far. Hat's-off to your courage and persistence. however, a married relationship is supposed to be a 50-50 partnership between two people, and if he cannot help with his share, I believe that you should not feel bad or ashamed about just telling him that you won't take such behaviour any longer and that you will stop providing for him, or maybe even throw him out of your house if he continues this behaviour any longer.

I know this process will not be easy, nor will it be quick, but I also know that you are strong and can do it for the sake of your own well-being. All of us here, at 7Cups are here to support and help you every step of the way.

Thank you all for the encouragement and support. It’s really hard, painful. I wish I could turn off emotions.