Crushing loneliness post divorce
I’m a 39 year old male with no kids. I’ve been divorced now for 7 years and in which time I’ve mostly remained single having no real serious relationship that I can recall. I’ve been “ active” maybe three times in that entire period.
I find that online dating is ultimately fruitless because of how bad the instant gratification is we have as a society today. I must admit that my looks are about a 5 but my personality is well above a 10. The job I have affords me a nice comfortable life in which I could readily support a family however I just don’t seem to be destined to have a partner.
I see happy couples young and old and I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to be able to find a female.
I am 6’4 and of decent build being an amateur weight lifter. I do not smile a lot though if any because I’m constantly experiencing loneliness and over all social resentment.
The heart and soul I have burning inside of me is so kind and gentle that I saved a stunned bumble bee from underneath my work van this week.
All I want to do is hold someone and tell her she’s the reason my world turns …. But I have horrible self esteem at the hands of what my ex put me through. I DO NOT have good body confidence at all.
I am also not the first to approach people in public.
The self checkout lanes are the biggest godsend to me.
Now here is the odd thing ; when I’m at work I’m totally comfortable interacting with clients while I’m repairing their IT equipment…… get me outside of work and I’m a terrified giant lion. Just like in the Wizard of Oz. Haha
Am I just being self blind ? Do I need to “man up bro” ????
This has been a very difficult 7 years and man… Why do you live for just to live by yourself ??
Thanks and blessings to you for reading.
@forgottenOne1983 I’m sorry to hear that your self esteem is low, it sounds to me like you have many positive qualities! I would have trouble meeting people on dating websites too. I would probably take adult classes or even going to the gym to meet people. Sometimes it’s easier when when there are common interests.
Do lunches with clients and volunteer for a cause you believe in. When you are happy about who you are and know your purpose in life things will fall into place. People will see it and the gals may come to you.
I knew what I wanted in my husband and when I found him we were both so happy. Recently married my best friend :) Nothing beats being married to the right person!
Thank you for the feedback !!
Thank you all for the kindness.
you sound like a really genuine person who hasn’t had much luck with finding that special person.. hope they are just round the corner for you 😊
Thank you very much !!!
You are very young and you have plenty of time. Maybe attend some social events like speed dating. You’ll find your person.
Thank you for the feedback !!
@forgottenOne1983
You sound pretty great bro. You sound like you've got a pretty good career and there are aspects of yourself that you admire. Loneliness is lame, but so is being in a bad relationship, as you probably know. I'm in a marriage that feels like it's in a downward spiral: my career never took off, we're having trouble conceiving, and now we aren't getting along well. I bring this up because it made me realize that I don't have control over everything. I have to just be my best self and hope that it has a ripple-effect on my surroundings and people around me. This is hard because there isn't a lot about myself that I think is that great, but it keeps my sights forward, not on my present state. I hope you see how great you are and just remain open to letting someone get caught in your orbit, so to speak.
I really appreciate your insight !!!!
I can say that I do agree with the bad relationship point of view.
Some return consultation I can give based on experience is this; if you have the will and faith then you can become anything you want !!!
That does sound rather cliche but I’m living proof. I promise.
Look at yourself and write down the things you can and can’t change and start working on the things you can change and improve.
Before my divorce we went through counseling but it just wasn’t working between us, the spark just wasn’t there. Great friends , horrible lovers and that’s something I don’t blame myself for anymore.
@forgottenOne1983 i understand you completely.. although i like being alone sometimes it gets too lonely.. i am sure you ll find love soon.. i guess volunteering for a good cause is a good way to network.. stay positive.. 🙂 i am trying to as well.. 🙂
@forgottenOne1983
Feeling lonely, I know it's very hard to get out of it.
I was thinking , do we become this age and we get instant lonely? Hehe…no worries you sound very charming. You will be taken fast ! Enjoy yourself in the mid time. 😉
I am a 46 years old female and am also have a hard time dating. It's hard for me to meet someone in person. So, I have tried online dating. Although I haven't been able to find that special man, I look within myself and found out that I am beautiful. Sometimes I smile when I look at myself in the mirror. Whether I ever find that special someone, I remember that I am beautiful. I hope this helps you sir. You are wonderful 😊. Have a great day.
