37 almost 38, single and depressed
I recently got back with an ex after 1.5 years. He said he wanted to get back together, wanted to be with me etc. then he started to communicate less and through some digging i found out he was engaged to someone else. I immediately broke things off and he made it clear he had no intentions of a real relationship with me, just killing the months till he's married. I'm so hurt, I really saw a future with him.
I'm so worried I will never find anyone and I'll be alone forever. online dating has been terrible for me. I really want a family and I'm afraid that I don't have a partner. i feel so alone and anxious
Oh my god what a horrible person! I hope you do find someone who treasures you. I know what you mean about being by yourself at the moment. You’re not alone in this. I’m also by myself but reading your post makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Our world has changed so much and there are people finding love in every stage of life. It’s out there.
Thank you for your reply! You are not alone! You're worthy of love and genuine love is out there!
@adventurousTortoise1165 going through something super similar hugs I really hope it gets better for you.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. Even though the last few weeks have been some of my most difficult days, It gets better day by day. I do see what a horrible person he is. I still have my moments, it goes up and down but it's only been about 3 weeks. I've noticed being around other people does help me even though initially I have no motivation to do anything.
It helps when the fog clears and you see what a terrible person they are. And how they have no remorse or care for you. It still hurts that someone would go so far to hurt you and not consider your feelings at all but it shows you who they are. That helps in living your life and moving on.
I hope things get better for you soon! Lots and lots of hugs!
@adventurousTortoise1165
You are not alone. I am currently going through something very similar. And it's only been a week. I was with someone for 20 years. I found out he cheated on me and that he has been lying about other things. He denies everything but I have proof that he is cheating and still denies it. He has cheated before about 8 years ago and I forgave him and took him back, which I now regret. I asked him to move out and he is living with his parents but they are a few houses down from me so he is still close by which makes things much worse for me because I can't seem to move past this breakup. My heart is broken. This breakup does not seem to phase him and he seems to be going on with life as if nothing happened. I can't move past what he has done to me. I know the breakup was the right thing to do but it still hurts. I want to move on and put this behind me but I'm not sure how to start. I don't have many friends or family that understand how I am feeling. I'm heartbroken that I stood by someone for 20 years and they can just discard the relationship as if it was nothing and I'm sitting here heartbroken. I'm not sure that I will ever be able to trust someone again.
@maureen09
I'm so sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. It's so heartbreaking that you poured so much into the relationship and gave him another chance but he did not value your heart. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you see him day-to-day.
I know what you mean when you say you can't get past what he's done to you, it's mind boggling how someone can be so cruel and selfish when you've been loving and there for him. These types people have no regard for anyone else and unfortunately they are out there.
I'm on the same boat as you. I am so afraid to trust anybody again. This experience will remind us to hold on to our standards and don't believe words but rather judge by actions. On the other hand, in time we may find that just like you were sincere, honest and open, there are other people out there just like you!
And I'm really sorry that people around you don't understand what you're going through. What you've been through is so difficult and it turns your world upside down. It's almost like you enter another realm.
Right now focus on caring for yourself. Even if it's something really simple like combing your hair or taking a walk. It's ok to cry, I know I have to sometimes. And please know you are not alone!
Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes! Please remember you are worthy and deserve love!
@adventurousTortoise1165
Thank you for the kind words. I know I will get through this and it's going to take time. Every day is a different set of emotions. I've been raging mad and upset and now I'm at the crying stage. I constantly wonder what I did to deserve this and what I could have done differently. But I know deep down there is nothing I could have done differently. I need to move on but it's hard. Trusting someone again will be the hardest part for me. I'm not even sure I want to be with anyone else. I'm so glad I found this group. I hope things start getting better for you as well. Maybe we can keep in touch and try to get through things together!! We need to lift each other up!!
Hi @maureen09 , I'm experiencing new feelings everyday too. But I am slowly getting better. I can't imagine what you're going through after being with someone for 20 years. I'm so sorry for that!
I think keeping in touch is a great idea! I'll send you a message!
@maureen09 sorry I actually don't know how to send a message! Lol I'm new to this community to not sure how to use it. If you know how to send a message please let me know if not I'll try to work it out.
@adventurousTortoise1165 loneliness sucks but it's so much worse when we try to combat it with the wrong person. You've made a lucky escape. Know your worth, don't settle for less and give yourself time and space to have some fun 💜🥰 wishing you all the best 🥰
Thank you @Amanda84. You are so right, being with the wrong person can be so much worse. I'm trying to do things for myself and remember that I matter. Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate it!
@adventurousTortoise1165 my pleasure 😊
I hope to start a long and sincere friendship with you. I am looking forward to building a pure, romantic and profound friendship with you.
@adventurousTortoise1165 i hear you, and I’m really sorry you’re hurting. what you went through was deeply unfair and it’s okay to feel devastated, betrayed, and scared about the future. you invested emotionally in someone who didn’t treat you with the respect or truthfulness you deserved. that pain is real and valid.
I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you for your kindness 💙
@adventurousTortoise1165 i am very sorry for what has happened with you.. it wasn't your fault at all and still you are bearing the consequences.. I may not be able to support you much.. but i'll be around if you wish to talk.. i am just a "hi" away..
Thank you for your support; it means a lot. I'm trying to be strong and every bit of support helps.
@adventurousTortoise1165 I learned the hard way that being alone is better than being with the wrong person and your ex is definitely one of the wrong people. Work on yourself however you feel you need to and eventually the right person will find you. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Thank you! I really hope the right person finds me. I'm so emotionally exhausted.
Thanks for taking time out to write me a kind comment. Wish you all the best 💜
@adventurousTortoise1165 omg what a jerk! that is so cruel. I know someone who did this.. he got another girl pregnant and then the new fiancé showed up. he didn't even feel guilty and society just blamed the woman! some people are such pigs. good luck to you. you can find someone. sometimes it just takes time. life doesn't go according to plan. keep your head up.
Yes oftentimes a woman gets blamed. Should have known better, looked at the signs, etc. It's unfair. Same thing in my situation. No remorse or guilt whatsoever. In fact he was trying to pin it on me but of course it made absolutely no sense.
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it It helps a lot!
I know it's a bit mischevious of me to suggest this, but have you thought telling the woman he marrying of his behaviour? Doesn't seem like husband material anyways.
As someone who been chronically single I understand the loneliness. Whenever I been looking I just found jerks. The nice decent people usually located far away and I don't have the means to relocate right now. It's tricky handling feeling like there's no one for you out there. I am also turning 28 soon so happy birthday
I hope you find someone great soon! Sorry to hear that you're struggling. Sending you hugs!
I have no idea who she is. I saw him in a video someone else posted up about his engagement. The video poster would not help me because obviously they know him.
Also the biggest reason is that I'm afraid of him. The way that he was cruel and callous towards me scares me.
@adventurousTortoise1165
Kind in same boat but for really long. People will take advantage of you even when you are most vulnerable , they don’t hesitate . I wish i could give you a tight hug and tell you that you will be ok. I know how much it hurts thinking about that you gave all of you to someone who just couldnt be even a decent man . I am here praying for you to get strength to overcome this
Thank you for your prayers and your kind words! Guess I do feel like this person took advantage of me at a vulnerable stage. He knew how much I wanted a relationship and he took advantage of that and manipulated me.
I'm really sorry that you experienced a similar thing. I really hope that things get better for you! Giving you a hug and sending you lots of good wishes and prayers!
I saw a reel on *** that speaks to this. It said something like women stay longer in relationships and put forth all the effort before they walk away. Men leave quickly, realize they messed up, and come crawling back. But most of them do it for their ego. To know that you’re still thinking about them, not that they actually want to rekindle anything. Not saying this was your case, but something to think about for the future. My ex once made the statement of “you took out the trash. Why would you go back to the garbage bin, get it back out and think it will be any different or any better?” He may have been an idiot, but it was very insightful advice.
What happened to you is 100% what I’m terrified of happening to me and is mostly why I refuse to date. I’m 42, so trust me when I say I understand you feeling alone and like you will never find anyone. My advice is learn to be okay being by yourself. Learn to be okay with the quiet and the unease.
My advice would be to seek counseling. If I could infer from what you stated, it sounds like maybe you have self-worth or self-esteem issues? I think it would be insightful for you to talk to someone about where those issues stem from. As the old adage goes “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself”.
As far as meeting guys, I’m in the same boat as you. I have no idea where to meet them, and I don’t want to do online dating. I saw something about getting hobbies or being outside, because if you leave your home, you have 100% more likelihood of running into someone or meeting someone, rather than sitting on the couch. I saw a lady on *** purposely go to Lowe’s or Home Depot to try to find a guy because it’s a good bet you’ll find men there lol
Either way, take some time for yourself and grieve your last relationship. It was incredibly traumatic and reopened an old wound from the first time you guys were together.
Hopefully some of this helped! You got this!