AITA?
So, for some background context, my partner and I currently live with his parents. I don't really do the whole parent thing because I was betrayed by mine. One being, I find that any issues usually end up with him getting one or both of his parents involved, and it ends up with some form of a triangulation. I don't stand for it, and have asked that he not try to make our relationship stuff a community issue getting his parents involved.
So, today there was an issue over hair bring left in the shower trap and I'm 100% sure that the bulk of it was not mine, so I left it--only to hear about it after my partner's dad got in the shower and then came and made a point about it. He is hard of hearing, so didn't hear me ask what color it was (because it's his color) and he just walked off and said I should pass the message around. After a while, I went and shared it with my partner what had happened, and he kind of barked back at me that he'd heard it 3 times now and was sick of hearing about it, and things got a bit escalated. He started involving his mom to back up things he was saying, and with her standing there, I again spoke up and said I didn't appreciate him bringing up things that I was trying to communicate to him up with other people and making our conversations a community issue. Now I'm being abused of starting issues, and just a bit ago when I said I was going to start relaxing, he came and laid down next to me expecting to turn on a show that he's into, and after about 15 minutes of doing my own thing I finally said I wasn't in the mood for the show, because he wasn't going to get to be an a*****le for free, and again I was accused of starting things just because I had anything at all to say about the encounter with his dad over him leaving his own hair in the drain trap.
AITA for setting those boundaries?
@independentJar9224
I think in this situation your behavior is logical and correct. After all, you basically did nothing wrong and just tried to solve the problem. It seems to me that you are in a difficult situation because they are all on the same side, but that is why you are doing everything right. Otherwise, it will turn into a terrible and bad story. I hope you can solve this, hold on and be strong!
@independentJar9224
Living with parents of a partner seems to always cause issues. Maybe harder for someone with a bad parent / family experiences. I am guessing your BF seems unaffected by parents being involved in conversations.
it is not about if you are the bad one to set boundaries. it is about if making boundaries and rules that may be hard to maintain and if it is realistic. This is just set up to argue when it happens again and again.
Is there a plan to move out soon? if not you may need to find better way to communicate.
@toughTiger6481 you are right, it is not about whether my boundaries are accepted. I really don't get why he's so staunch about defending them, he was physically abused as a child and they continue to emotionally manipulate and abuse him. I don't put up with the abuse and have no problem calling someone's bad behavior out, however in this case it had somehow led to this feeling that there's a triangulation going on between them to defend each other no matter what and I'm the bad person for not just accepting the treatment. Unfortunately I am just getting back into having a steady job, so moving somewhere else is a ways away. I generally have just kept to myself and let them drive themselves nuts with the circular back and forth conversations that go on; I think until such time that I can get my own place, it may be the best course of action to just stay busy with work and then have my own things I'm doing when I'm at the house also.
@independentJar9224 you are right they will defend themselves.. and each other..
some people even if being taken advantage of or some sort of abuse until they see it ... calling it out will only make you seem like the bad one. keep to yourself and stay out of the fray as much as possible in long term will help.