Advice for a man who can’t find single females 30s/40s for a relationship
I feel quite lonely. I’d really like to be in a relationship. I live in a small city. It never seems to happen for me.
I have tried online, my profile tracked little attention, I sought advice to work on my profile & I didn’t do much better. I’m clearly not photogenic enough.
I have done talking therapy, and improvised comedy workshops to improve my social skills. I have returned to my old karate class ‘just because I used to enjoy it’ not because it’ll help me with this. I’ve always been a fan of snooker, never been that good, been trying to learn this year. That’s really male dominated.
I’m going to try get back to doing the odd gym class, it’s really hard to break the ice with people there, but maybe it’ll make me feel better about myself.
I have a safe steady job.. I’m trying so hard with applications to get something better, but it’s not happening.
I never got the whole bar thing… never suddenly thought this stranger likes me I must introduce myself to them. I’ve been quite hurt by my folks alcoholism, so never really bothered. Happy to visit bars with friends, but don’t have friends to do that with.
I had disappointing experience with evening classes and volunteering.
Can you think of anything else I could try?
Good advice
Stop trying
Do things you enjoy
If you meet people just talk
Sooner or later someone will
Catch your drift and try to connect
Good luck and always wear cologne
@greenEyes9944 I am grateful. I’ve been doing all of the above for a long time… not feeling confident about it now.
I agree with Greeneyes.
And from my personal experience. I realized recently that the more I tried looking for someone. The more depressed and lonely I felt after not finding anyone. But as I reflected on my past. I realized that all the relationships I had in the past, All came about at a time when I said I was done with dating and focused on myself. It was when I focused on doing the things I loved. Things that make me happy. Then and only then will you attract somone. The universe will give you subtle signs once you are ready. So keep an eye out for those.
Also. Think of the type of partner you want. Really think about it. Write it down. Make a list. Now here's the important part. What type of partner, does your ideal partner have. And in what ways do you have to work on to be that person.
Long story short. Focus on you. And the rest will come.
Exactly!
What is your friend circle like, or relationship with family?
I'm guessing by your experience on dating apps that you're male, and from the age range you're looking for dating isn't going to be easy as by 30+ people have baggage of varying degrees, women that age can be looking to settle down soon and start a family, if she doesn't already have kids from a previous.. and the general impression I'm getting these days is people are less flexible and expect things to just roll out in front of them quickly and everything slot into place or they give up, relationships included, which isn't a good mindset to start from as it takes time and effort to build something with someone and getting to know one-another.
Knowing what you want is a good starting point, and be upfront about that, have realistic aims. Activity clubs can be a good way of meeting people and interacting over a shared interest, just as through friends and family is, and you can make friends along the way, relationships built that way tend to be better in my opinion than from dating apps which seem so hit or miss.. when people say "you've just gotta get out there and try things" that is a big part of finding someone, just as often you'll meet them when you least expectit, and so setting yourself onto a good track with getting on with things will help. Wish I had a more conclusive and concise response, but it really does come down to putting yourself out there and interacting with people in various settings and seeing what happens.
@FenrirWolf I’m grateful for your comments. They do make sense, however I’ve run out of ideas for new settings to meet people, the ideas I’ve had don’t seem to have served me well. I’ve done a lot of the obvious stuff.
@resourcefulFriend2347
Hi,
Thank you for sharing and it is a great and bold step that you have taken to explore how best to achieve your goal of having a initiating engagement for a lasting relationship.
Just to check with you; How does keenly listening to some feel to you?
If it feels good and you are able to imagine and find yourself truly being in the context and engaging with people about what they talk to you about, then it might be helpful to consider setting out to enjoy listening to the next person you meet as much as you possibly can. Engage and allow that person to share as much as they can.
Allow yourself to enjoy that experience and carry as much of that engagement as you can with you home.
If the engagement has led to next appointment, this becomes more important for the next engagement. At the next engagement, find out how well you can consistently reference the previous engagement and carefully link that to the present conversation.
Again, allow yourself to enjoy the listening part of your meeting.
@resourcefulFriend2347 I wish I could give you advice. You are not alone. I'm 45 male and never been in a relationship. I have a learning disability, and since I can't take medication for it, and it seems to keep me from getting friends. I decided to just give up on meeting anyone special. I'm not even sure that there is anyone "good" to find anyways.
While the majority of my past relationships have been coworkers and/or through work, my most recent relationship came completely out of the blue when I wasnt looking for one. But, funny enough, it was on a *** dating page, not to be confused with *** dating itself.
That being said, finding that special someone can be tricky. Ive personally had the best and most rewarding relationships when i least expected to find someone.
But i completely feel you; finding that someone can be tough! For now, focus on what YOU want to do. Do you want to learn a new hobby? Maybe a weekend excursion out on a hike. Thats where and when you find the unexpected best relationships; when you arent looking for one, and are focusing on what you want to do.
Bible studies, *** and other groups, and just joining/doing new things, like maybe line dancing or game days at the library :)
@jesusredeemedme2425 Thanks for the suggestions. My nearest church appears to be closing down. I did Salsa for 18 months, and gave up as i wasn’t enjoying it at all, I had no aptitude. The city council closed the library, and put all the books into a tiny space in the council building… it’s not the community hub you’d expect to see in most cities… couldn’t make it up.
@resourcefulFriend2347 I am grateful for all the positive messages. I have heard the line many times… just go out and do stuff you enjoy.. and someone will come out of the woodwork. Unfortunately that’s not been my lived experience.
I would suggest you to do gardening.