Afraid of messing up
Hey, Everyone-
I found this site while looking for a way to get support. . .I've been pretty much estranged from my family for the past 5 years, since my Grandmother passed away. When she died, I was already struggling with severe depression, and spiraled HARD after her death. My depression caused me to kind of "shut down" and I didn't interact with anyone, really. I know that this was wrong, but looking back I didn't even really realize I was doing it. I still continue to take full responsibility. . .After this, My mom created this narrative that I was angry with her because I didn't get my Grandmother's house (totally false), and now my whole family hates me. Whenever we're together, they say really mean things, and often will yell at me for not being around enough when they needed me. It keeps me from show up because I can't handle the yelling. . . .Fast forward to yesterday. My Grandfather passed away. . .I'm terrified that I'm going to "mess up." I feel like if I don't act the right way everything will be worse, but it's also extremely difficult to be around them because they have so much anger towards me. The funeral is on Saturday, and I'm so afraid of going, but also not going. . .If you made it this far, thank you. . .
@unassumingWalker903
I'm sorry for your loss 🩷
May your grandfather rest in peace.
Sending you my condolences.
It's so hard to navigate family tensions and when people feel hurt, let down etc.
You cannot go back and change anything , or grieve differently or not shut people out 🩷
But you can go to the funeral Saturday.
Grieve.
Say goodbye.
And you might have to just hear things you don't want to but progress has to be made , no matter how small those steps might be to healing for everyone 🩷
Please accept my deepest condolences on your irreparable loss…
It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling now ..: it’s human … when such major loss happen in our life .. we tend to lose all hope and feel very low .. but my dear friend. We need to accept this harsh fact of life that everyone has to go one day … so it’s good to give them a loving good bye …. So their soul is free with happiness
You should be goin to the funeral not for anyone but for your own feelings .. else when you will come out of this sad state and feel later that you should had gone … but as you know we can’t go back in time and correct anything. Isn’t it .. this might make you feel more sorry
So plz accept life as it comes and keep moving spreading happiness all around making this world a happy place for you and people around you
Take care
God bless you
@unassumingWalker903
I lost both of my parents in just one year. I cut ties with some relatives on my mother's side after she passed away. I never been happier though. Cause they were never really there for me. They are only there because they can get something from me.
It's not easy, coping each day with the loss. Living with depression and anxiety too. I have no family member whom I opened up about my mental health except my Mom.
Go to your Grandfather's funeral because of him. Because it would be a regret not to see him on his funeral.