Help
I don't really know how to use this site but I really just want some help or some advice. I turned 18 rlly recently and I know this is an area for older adult only but I want advice from older people, people my age don't usually know what's best for me.
I've been thru alot my whole life, abuse, being exposed to horrible stuff online, grooming and molestation. Recently I've been feeling better and I'm happy but I have times when I'm alone where I really upset and just feel rlly sick. My dad groomed me throughout my childhood and Molested me too. He stopped when I was 10 and he doesn't know I'm aware of what he did, he thought I was too young to remember or that I was asleep. Today, he's like a saint. He's extremely caring and always gets me snacks and takes me and my brother out to have fun, we have great genuine conversation and he just literally seems like a loving and caring father. He's nothing like be used to be. I try to blame his old behavior on a brain injury he had. Lately I can't stop remembering what he did to me, even if he's a great dad no, i remember what he did and I feel angry and sick. I don't know what to do. I'm going to therapy soon but I know I won't be able to tell them this. I want to stay with my dad because I know my life will only get harder if I live with my mom, she's disabled and never takes us out, she can't even clean or go outside. I just want advice on what I should do or feel. I hate my dad for what he used to do but I love Him for how his is NOW. Should I want to be away from him? Or is it okay for me to stay? Please don't judge, I just rlly want some help.
@VioletRR
I won't judge!
I'm sorry you've gone through so much 🥺
You didn't deserve any of this
It's alot to feel anxious navigate and I'm just glad you opened up and shared.
As long as you are safe now and know your feelings matter.
Please be careful when going online or opening up to people.
Sadly people prey on other people's vulnerabilities and expose them to things they shouldn't.
Be mindful of all you've been through 💖💜
@Amanda84
Thank you
Hi,
I’m so sorry about what you went through and honestly from the way you made your dad sound, the shift that he had, I think that it would be worth bringing it up to him. Talking about it.
You might not be able to fully get closure if you don’t ever mention it to him, but please, be careful and stay safe. Update us whenever you can ❤️
Be safe and always here to talk 🥰
@MoonlitMind
Thank you for you're care but I don't think I could ask him that. That's a scary idea for me and it's do nothing but destroy my family and makes things alot harder. I really just want to know why he's like this and how I should feel about him as my dad. It makes me sad knowing I'll likely never get closure but I have a dream that my future will be peacful, I'll have my own house and stuff and I'll be happy. I just want that future to include me feeling better about what my dad did. I really want a father in my life and he's acting like the type of father everyone would want. I don't want to ruin that. But I dont know if this is healthy for me.
I'm sorry you went through so much. Going to therapy will definitely be good for you, and about living with your dad, you have to see which one of your parents will have the least amount of stress on you. Therapy will help you to see the best way more clearly. What i can suggest is that you spend less time in the house, maybe going to a friend or a family members house who you trust and who you can talk. If you have no one stay here. I really hope you get better 🤍🫂
@nuvembrilhante
Thank you so much. I always planned to work hard and move out, I feel like I'd get better the less I'm around him but I still want him in my life, he's my dad and I love him, sometimes I hate that I love him though. I just really hope I'll feel better soon and maybe just accept and grow from what I went through. I plan to keep a distance from my father and only be around freinds and safe family members, I just can't now. I still live with him and I'm still in highschool and it's hard to afford moving out. I want to have a dad but I also want to avoid him as much as possible. I dont ever want him to know i know what he did, Just kind of pretend that my family and my life is peaceful until it actually becomes that way , i don't rlly know what's best for me but this thought is what makes me feel a little hope.
It hurts me to hear about what you went through.
You deserve to heal and blossom.
One of the thing that strikes me about your story is the change in your father. Do you know what caused the change? Molestors just don't change like that...
Please always be cautious ... keep sharing here... youre anonymous so its safe... there are so many kind souls here who will give you love without any hidden selfish motive... its easy to trust with anonymous platforms like these dedicated to support and service.
Love you pal 💛
@VioletRR
@Creamyyy
Thank you. I dont know why he changed, it's a good thing he's different now but I don't understand how he did such a 180. I'm usually huge on psychology, it's my favorite class but there's nothing that shows me why he's like this. I wish I knew. But I can never ask him, it'd change everything for the worst.
I would do the same: not bring up the topic. Its going to make things uncomfortable and awkward and you need peace to keep things livable for yourself.
But I wouldnt ever trust such a person fully either. I believe lessons with people should make us a bit cautionary.
My father hit me once. We get along fine now to cohabit but no - he will never be on my trusted list.
@VioletRR
@VioletRR
Hey I am really sorry you had to go through that, I have had similar experience from my childhood so I can understand, but hey I wanna say something from my personal experience, just check up on your brother, I mean When I was a kid, my tenant molested me he eventually stopped I actually just never understood why, later on in the future my sister opened until he left my place he used to molest my sister almost everytime he had a chance and he would threaten her saying he would do the same to me, if she ever opened up about it to anyone, my sister never did until just a few years back.
This is just a possibility so I really don't mean to be rude or intervene in this matter and I am not sure about it at all, but I think the situation might be something like this, again telling it from my own experience and what I have researched on such cases I don't mean to intervene at all or be rude . So your dad might be molesting your little brother right now and I don't know the age of your brother but if he is young then it is very easy for your dad to pretend like he is an amazing dad to your brother, as he can hide all this evil behaviour of him by taking you to places, buying you snacks, and pretending like he is an awesome dad and making it seems like he is doing huge favours to you while he is just doing what normal dads should do, I am not sure about it, but you can subtly try to ask your brother about it or judge from his behaviour , or can judge from your own experience from childhood, like in my case the tenant would be abusive and then later on behave really nice and since I was a little kid my understanding of the whole situation was really bad so I would always be stuck between thinking if he is a bad person or not, if your dad did showed the same behaviour towards you in your childhood like first do evil things and then to hide everything and so that you wouldn't speak about it to anyone behave really nice later on, also from my research sometimes abusers manipulate children saying that I am doing this much for you, I am being so nice so that the children are never able to question there behaviour as the understanding of kids at that age is very fragile, then I am just speaking from personal experience he might as well be behaving the same way to your brother.
I am really really sorry if I am wrong, but is just a possibility, also I wanna say, it is my personal opinion so I am really sorry if it ain't right , no matter how your dad is behaving to you right now, he was still a bad person and shouldn't have done anything like that, you deserve to be at a happy and especially healthy place, and how he is behaving right now, is just a normal dad behaviour, never take it as favour from him, it is something every normal dad should do, he should be punished for what he did, you should be able to move forward build a life for yourself, get a job, live happily and be able to leave all this trauma far behind.
@scarletBalsam388
Hey, also again just a personal opinion, I don't mean to be rude, but if you like you should do little bit more research on the behaviour of molesters and also the victims, it will help you get the clarity of the situation more .
Again I don't mean to be rude, I am just telling you my opinion . good luck with healing, remember it down you are amazing and can do amazing things on your own you don't need to depend on your father's hospitality or have to give it in to live with your mother, you can build up a life for yourself, get a career build your own home be safe and be able to heal and I am hopeful you will be able to leave all this trauma far behind, and what your dad did was wrong no matter how he behaves right now, how he is behaving is just what a normal dad should do ! All the best 🍀🍀🍀🌸🌸🌸🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷💖💖💖💖💖💖 also I am really sorry if I was rude or made you uncomfortable with my opinion!!!
@scarletBalsam388
I will be honest, this idea did terrify me. I have a huge doubt that he did anything like that to my brother, my brothers room is right besides mine and the walls are thin. He never goes in there and my brother is old enough and isn't the type to allow that to happen to him. I mean it genuinely when I say my dad really is completely different. I have no clue why he changed, im glad but am struggling so much because of it. Thank you for your opinion, if it was right it'd be a big help but luckily it isn't. My dad literally does act like a saint now and I'm so confused as to why. It makes me so upset, I wish I knew what he was thinking. Sometimes I wonder if HE even remebers what he did to me.
Hey, @violetRR
I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through. Your emotions are completely valid, and what your father did was not acceptable or forgivable, even if he has changed now. When a child experiences harassment or trauma from the very place where they were supposed to receive safety and nurturance, it can lead to long-lasting effects, including PTSD and difficulties with trust and identity. It’s natural to feel empathy or confusion, especially if he is the one taking care of you now and your mother has health challenges. Sometimes the mind tries to adapt to the only available caregiver, even when there is a painful history. But that does not erase the harm that was caused, and it does not mean you owe forgiveness. Forgiveness is a personal choice, but it must never come at the cost of your safety or emotional well-being. You deserve to set boundaries, protect yourself, and acknowledge the reality of what you went through. I truly hope you find a way to move toward safety, healing, and support. You didn’t deserve any of this, and you deserve a life free from fear and emotional burden. I wish you strength and clarity as you figure out the next steps in your healing journey.
@Capybara234
Thank you so much, I'm really trying to figure out what's best for me. I'm trying to help myself but also trying to not destroy my family. I don't want to make my mom's or my brothers life harder because of what I went though. I really just hope I can heal from what happened and maybe obtain a future where I'm out of that house and happy.
I am so sorry for you. It must be hard sharing the same household with someone who had been a problem for you during your childhood. You may feel stuck between loving him as a caring dad and hating him for the last things he had done. I understand your situation. I hope you soon find your way through this, although moving out isn't a good idea.
I am a listener and whenever you feel the need to talk to someone or just feel lonely, you are welcome to text me. Taking to listeners and therapists may help you find some solution. Wish you will be fine soon!
