I don't know how to live with the fear that comes with having senior dogs
I am so grateful for 7cups for all the replies I got in my first post. It really helped me in my journey when I lost my 17 year old dog and also dealing with the health issues of my second oldest dog (14).
I often wondered why despite having experienced more than 10 pet losses in my age of 40, why is it that it still feels like the first time. I think the answer is the more I experienced it, I gained more knowledge about it and because I realized the possibilities of how it could happen, I got more aware of the possibilities of it whereas before I was kind of experiencing it for the first time with little knowledge and experience. I hope I am making sense. Now, it feels like I am walking on eggshells when it comes to their lives. I am terrified of the possibilities. I am extremely terrified. I love them most in this world. If I can do it all over again, I would not adopt pets. I'd rather I didn't discover this type of love. I don't think I am mentally equipped for this. I don't think I am emotionally equipped for this pain either.
I found where the listener tab and support group tabs are, but I realized I am not only shy in person, but also online even though I am not facing anyone physically. People are also chatting there and I don't know if anyone could just join in. It's important I get over my shyness first.
I am still living in fear with my dog's health condition. I am trying my best to be independent about the mental and emotional challenges that come with it, but it is getting heavy and dark again and the distractions are not working that much again. I don't know how to live with this depression and anxiety. I am a content and grateful person despite my life being far from perfect, but I am so terrified. I know I am not normal anymore, but I also need help to manage this.
Is someone is earning through this app? Can some one please explain ? I’m confused about the authenticity of this app.
Please clarify if someone is getting earned through this app?
@tallCup6582 No apology necessary. Sometimes we need to let things out or they just keep building up. Everything you say here stays in this thread.
I'm just guessing here but when someone is constantly taking cheap shots, it usually has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. Your sister's 36, has been in a relationship for almost nine years with someone who won't commit to her, and is altering her schedule just to be available for him. Deep down, maybe she feels a lot of insecurity, stress, and a lack of control over her own life.
Because you are a safe person who doesn't fight back, she is projecting that internal frustration onto you. When she calls you forgetful or brings up the pets, maybe it’s a defense mechanism? By trying to make you look flawed or irresponsible, she gets a temporary distraction from her own problems and gets to feel like the superior one for a moment. It could also be why she attacks your caregiving. She knows she messed up in the past (with not meeting you for your dad's appointment) and attacking you is her way of easing her own guilt. You show her so much grace by keeping her secrets and protecting her feelings, but she simply doesn't have the internal peace right now to give that back to you. Her words are a reflection of her own unhappiness, not your worth or your capability.
You don't deserve to be treated this way, especially when you are doing so much to help. It makes total sense that you are hurt, you show her grace and respect, but she isn't giving you that same basic respect back.
I don't say this to make you feel sorry for her and her situation but that maybe it can help take some of the sting out of what she says
@mytwistedsoul
It doesn't even include what she said over dinner. She said if it was up to her and the older of the 2 isn't eating, she'd just let her be and not bring her to the vet!!! She also said she would not spoon feed her like what I am doing. She even said if she were to care for dogs, she would only do it for a maximum of 2 weeks. I don't trust her to care for dogs. When her boyfriend messages her, she drops everything. In addition to that, she said I was wasting what I was given (I'm not sure in what context).
I am sensitive about her feelings because I don't want her to cry. When my parents bring up anything about her boyfriend, she could cry and sob the whole day and argue with them for a long time. The longest I remember was when she argued with my dad in the afternoon around 4 to 6 pm and they were at it until 2am.
I am really really upset and hurt. I can't believe my sister is this kind of a person.
@tallCup6582 She sounds exhausting. She's constantly attacking you for how you take care of your pets. (I've spoon fed and hand fed my dogs when they were up in age too) She talks about you wasting what you've been given (in whatever context) I see it as you're doing exactly what you feel is right to do. But she drops everything to be at her boyfriend's beck and call. What would she do if they ever had a child?
@mytwistedsoul
Yes. I learned to just avoid talking to her. There are just exceptions like when we're having dinner. Even though she hurts me with her words, I'm just thankful I'm not the one doing it to her. It may seem like she's winning, but a person's conscience will say otherwise. It just so happens she's also not easily bothered by her conscience. It's a long and complicated story, but she has told me or implied it to me before.
I just don't want to waste time on something so negative, but it affects me when she brings up the animals into a conversation that has nothing to do with them.
Thank you for listening. It is a relief I have let out all of these or else it would just add to the weight of it all. Thank you for everything. ❤️
@tallCup6582 You're welcome! You're definitely the bigger person. She knows exactly what she's doing when she brings them into a conversation. Even if it doesn't bother her conscience, she still probably knows what she's doing is wrong. I really am sorry that you have to deal with this every day. ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I try my best to not get affected, but her words would sometimes stay with me for a few days. I found sharing them with you helped me so much. There was a time I would keep everything bottled up inside and it would bother me for longer periods of time.
I am so grateful I found someone who understands me. It makes me feel less alone. I would also feel a warmth with your words. It's really special because there's this dark, stormy night that tails me. The warmth really helps. Thank you so much. ❤️
@tallCup6582 I can understand why they would stay in your head so long. Especially when she's constantly saying the things she does.
@mytwistedsoul
It really helps more than you know. I cannot say thank you enough. ❤️
I am so grateful I can come here and pour my heart out. I feel safe with you. I have never felt the need to leave something out. I hoped for the best when I joined 7cups, but I never expected to meet you here. It means the world to me. ❤️
@tallCup6582 You're very welcome. It means a lot to me that you feel this way. Thank you! 💜
@mytwistedsoul
I think I will continue to come here and write especially when it gets too much to bear alone.
@tallCup6582 That's a good idea! :)
@mytwistedsoul
The day to day is one of the most challenging mentally. Everything is terrifying. Coming here is a gift.
@tallCup6582 I think that's understandable. You have a lot of concerns to face each day. Waking up not knowing what to expect with your pets and dealing with the constant blows from your sister. It's all so stressful.
@mytwistedsoul
Yes. If I also let myself think, I know my mind would dig up the most painful memories. Those painful memories would make me more terrified of the present too. That's why I try my best to stop it from happening like shouting stop. This is really a terrifying journey.
@tallCup6582 It really is a terrifying journey. I know sometimes my mind does that too and it's like I'm right there in those moments again.
I wanted to give you a heads up for next week. I'm not going to be online after Tuesday for about a week. I go camping in an area that has no cell or WiFi. I didn't want you to think I just left or didn't want to talk to you. 💜
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me a heads up. Hope you have fun on your trip and take care always. ❤️
@tallCup6582 You're welcome:) and thank you! I hope it's a fun trip with nice weather. You take care too please. Remember this place if things get too heavy 💜
@mytwistedsoul
I will. Stay safe always. ❤️