I don't know how to live with the fear that comes with having senior dogs
I am so grateful for 7cups for all the replies I got in my first post. It really helped me in my journey when I lost my 17 year old dog and also dealing with the health issues of my second oldest dog (14).
I often wondered why despite having experienced more than 10 pet losses in my age of 40, why is it that it still feels like the first time. I think the answer is the more I experienced it, I gained more knowledge about it and because I realized the possibilities of how it could happen, I got more aware of the possibilities of it whereas before I was kind of experiencing it for the first time with little knowledge and experience. I hope I am making sense. Now, it feels like I am walking on eggshells when it comes to their lives. I am terrified of the possibilities. I am extremely terrified. I love them most in this world. If I can do it all over again, I would not adopt pets. I'd rather I didn't discover this type of love. I don't think I am mentally equipped for this. I don't think I am emotionally equipped for this pain either.
I found where the listener tab and support group tabs are, but I realized I am not only shy in person, but also online even though I am not facing anyone physically. People are also chatting there and I don't know if anyone could just join in. It's important I get over my shyness first.
I am still living in fear with my dog's health condition. I am trying my best to be independent about the mental and emotional challenges that come with it, but it is getting heavy and dark again and the distractions are not working that much again. I don't know how to live with this depression and anxiety. I am a content and grateful person despite my life being far from perfect, but I am so terrified. I know I am not normal anymore, but I also need help to manage this.
@tallCup6582 I don't think it ever gets easier. I've been where you are almost 3 years ago. I lost one to cancer and then spent the next 3 years watching my other dog develop senior dog issues. She went deaf and then blind and then was having sundowners. It broke my heart to see her like that and it broke my heart even more to acknowledge the inevitable.
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you for your kindness and for sharing. It really is the best kind of love. There are times the depression and anxiety consumes me that I feel like a dark and stormy environment tails me. The trauma and the helplessness is unbearable. I am so grateful to be able to come here when I feel like I can't handle it on my own.
@tallCup6582 Omgosh yes, the helplessness is one of the hardest things. We would do anything to make our furry companions feel better. In this case there is nothing we can do. I wish there was.
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you so much. It really means a lot to me. I am so grateful to be able to open up and not feel worse afterwards. I have experienced that sometimes.
@tallCup6582 You're very welcome! Its hard enough opening up and being vulnerable. Feeling worse afterwards makes it harder to open up the next time. It's something I struggle with a lot. I'm sorry you have that trouble too. 💜
@mytwistedsoul
There are times I feel like I am a weirdo when I am talking about these things with other people because of their reaction or facial expressions, but not when I'm talking about it with you. It means the world to me. Thank you.
@tallCup6582 I have a neighbor that makes me feel that way sometimes when we talk. She makes me regret opening my mouth a lot. I feel kind of bad saying that because I wonder sometimes if maybe she isn't aware of her expressions?
@mytwistedsoul
My family (parents and sister) makes me feel that way sometimes. They remind me that animals should only be second to humans. I just couldn't abide by that rule.
When other people make me regret saying things, there are times it would bother me for days. I wish it didn't bother me. Sometimes I would wonder if other people experience it too or is it just me because I come across as weird.
@tallCup6582 I don't think you're weird at all! Caring deeply is a strength. You have a deep love for animals. I'm an animal lover too and to people like you and I, our animals are family and they bring us joy and happiness. (They also make us worry too 💜)
@mytwistedsoul
Talking to you about these things bring such comfort to me. Thank you so much. I am willing to endure harsh words from others at times. I don't like conflict. My mind is full of thoughts that I don't want to add to it anymore. I try my best to stop myself from thinking too much. I am unsuccessful though. There are times distractions work and there are times it doesn't.
One of the things that scares me about animals is when they look at you with so much trust. I know how imperfect I am and mistakes are part of being human. Everything is just terrifying.
@tallCup6582 I'm so glad to hear this! You're very welcome!
@mytwistedsoul
There are times I would scream stop because it gets too much and when I am overwhelmed sometimes it would lead me to even more negative thoughts. It's like a loop and screaming for it to stop has been the only thing I found that could somehow help. It's not perfect though because it doesn't work all the time.
@tallCup6582 It makes sense that when things are so overwhelming you want to scream just to make it all stop, especially when you're caught in that loop. Even if it doesn't last or work all the time, I think it's a normal response when everything gets too heavy to carry. Tbh I have yelled as loud as I could at times too.
@mytwistedsoul
Yelling does provide temporary relief. If I let the loop continue or if I let myself think, it gets painful too.
@tallCup6582 we have had a lot of dogs, we used to have sled dogs and now we are down to put last three so I share your fear. Unfortunately I don't have any good answers and I dread the day the last one goes. If you live near a city or university they sometimes have support groups. Maybe volunteering at a dog rescue or humane society would help. If you're creative write a poem or tribute for the dog. Draw or paint them. I wish I could be more helpful, but know you are not alone.
@Riverswancycnus
Thank you for your kindness. I never thought about the ending when they came into our lives. I feel alone in my real life. Thankfully, there are a lot of people here that understands. It is really terrifying.
@tallCup6582 my heart goes out to you.I also live with a 12 year old senior dog. 12 wonderful years so far, also comes with health conditions, too. It sometimes feels like my dog Duckgu, is such huge part of me. reading your words I can feel such deep love you have for your dogs but also that very love is what keeping you in this fear right now. they say big love comes with big grief, but I wonder is it the goodbye itself weighing you down so much, or is it that terrifying thought that you won't survive the pain of it? We always say that big love comes with big grief, but just like us human and our dogs lives, all the pain, fear, and sorrow that surround us don't last forever. so what if you just took a deep breath, looked right into your dog's eyes today, right now and just stayed in that moment? if you don't have to find the answer to manage the fear right now, will you allow yourself that kind of pure love isn't here to break you.. it's here to gently carry you through today?
@SereneJin00
I think it is all of the above and more. I love them the most in this world. I didn't even know this love is possible.
Thank you for sharing and thank you for your kindness. I am not saying the people around me are bad, but all of them thinks animals are only second to humans that's why I feel so alone. I don't think that way at all.
I have 2 dogs both are just 3yrs old. I never even thought of my live without them. But in the same context I would share my story as I feel I understand this feeling. My grandparents passed away last year. I was so very close to them and despite they were very old I never imagine life without them. As days passed with usual routine there was always this emptiness moving with me like a shadow. Then I read a line which said "Everywhere it is told to live life, but what about death, how to deal with it, who is going to say us that, teach us about it". My thought on it was, oh so no one knows answer to this. We are just coping, dealing it with our own ways. You are not alone in this we all had or have to go through this.
And way I think is I will live each second I get with them to the fullest. Making them smile happy excited. And when time comes I could say them goodbye with tears in eyes but smile on my face, because I will know that they changed my life for all good reason, they were my saviour, and we will meet again definitely in afterlife or any life or any place, we will meet with the same love.
@neatBlueberry9335
Thank you for sharing and for your kindness.
@tallCup6582 💜
@tallCup6582
I understand I have recently experienced a loss of a pet and I have a senior cat. There isn't anything you can do sadly. All you can do is enjoy their company and know what a wonderful and happy life you gave them. Although right now try not to think of this try to just enjoy their company and continue to care and love them. Always remember it's ok to be sad and cry. You are going through a rough time with this and that's normal and ok. There's nothing you can do to completely feel better and that's ok.
@aquaLion1074
Thank you for your kindness.
@tallCup6582
New to the board but not to owning dogs. I've lost 7 over the years and it NEVER gets any easier. We have two now (ages are 6 and 7) so it's not an immediate concern but it creeps into the back of my mind every now and again. As for your situation I could spew all kinds of platitudes and kumbaya crap but in the end, every pet's life must come to an end. Come to grips with it and really consider getting a younger pet to bridge the gap and lift you and your current dog up. We've tried it and it works. The older dog usually gets a lift from it too.
@Spartan4ever
I get what you are saying, but I don't have it in me to adopt again.
I have been feeling really down and my usual distractions aren't working. A dark, stormy cloud is tailing me for a longer time again. I just want to cry. I don't know how to be strong when I feel so beaten up.
@tallCup6582
I know I need to help myself, but I have been struggling since yesterday. I tried chatting with a listener yesterday and it helped a little. I just know I need to help myself too but I don't know how.
@tallCup6582. I lost the love of my life in 2024, his body was failing him and all i wanted to do was save him, I even told him to not give up on me. But I had no choice to let my dog go. Your reacting to how any person would with a pet they love and care about, there's really noting not normal about how you feel because its valid
@amusingWest5360 * nothing
@amusingWest5360
It's so painful.
@tallCup6582🥺🫶
I tried to chat with listeners and while the listeners were kind, I am not sure it helps me with my depression because not all listeners may have experiences with pets. I think it's better if I treat my post here like a diary so I could get out my feelings whether someone reads it or not. I am just so lonely with no one to talk to about my struggles worrying about my dogs. It just feels like days are always dark and stormy. While I know there is so much to be grateful for, this agony triumphs over it. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My mind is always busy from thoughts. I don't know what else to do. I could only think of coming here hoping it could help.
@tallCup6582 I understand what you mean. Not everyone views pets the same way. It's probably feels a little like how your family views them?
@mytwistedsoul
You described everything exactly.
@tallCup6582 I'm sorry the days feel so dark and stormy. It is lonely when you can't find people that understand the bond we share with our pets. I do think that treating this space as a diary is a great idea. Then you don't have to go through explaining to a bunch of different listeners.
@mytwistedsoul
Not tmi at all. I also have senior parents and I completely understand.
I can't believe it when I am reading what you wrote. Your words and descriptions are exact. I think there's really nothing I can do about it. Thank you for everything. I think I will post here whenever it gets too much for me to handle. It just makes me feel so down.
@tallCup6582 Thank you, sometimes I worry that a say too much.
You just have to try to take it moment to moment. Just knowing that there are things that are inevitable no matter how hard you try.... it's hard. You rescued and gave a home to two wonderful furry souls, you love them deeply and it is one of the most heartbreaking goodbyes there is but you saved them. You saved them from an uncertain future. You're a sweet, caring, kind person Cup. That is a beautiful thing 💜
@mytwistedsoul
There's a third one. She has became quite jealous of her sister ever since this happened. She bullies her sister even though she's half her size. All 3 of them (including my dog that passed) are around the same age that's why I am terrified.
@tallCup6582 Oh gosh! I didn't realize there was 3! Little dogs have big personalities that's for sure. The dynamic of the house changed. They grieve too and she might be feeling confused and stressed by the change. Does she have a safe space that's all her own? Like a crate that she can go in when she feels overwhelmed?
@mytwistedsoul
She doesn't have a crate. She hates crates. She's less relaxed there. We have a crate, but we don't use it.
I am already in mental agony, but there are times I feel like my family makes things worse especially my sister. She says very insensitive things. I try my best to avoid talking to her.
@tallCup6582 Yeah if she doesn't like it forcing her into a crate wouldn't help her at all. I didn't think about that. Especially with her being a rescue
@mytwistedsoul
She says thinks so casually without thinking it and there are times the things she says hurts me.
The older of the two has an awkward personality. I love this about her, but the down side is she gets stressed out easily. The environment should be as relaxed as possible. Both of them gets stressed out with crates and both of them have CHF so I can't really use them.
@tallCup6582 Family does have a way of saying the things that hurt us the most. I'm not sure if they just don't think before they say it or if they just don't care that it hurts.
@mytwistedsoul
I am so scared to try things on her because anything could trigger seizures. Back in the day, when I would describe what happened to her to the vet, they didn't know what it was. She was 2 I think at that time.
My sister did it again today. I don't know why she would always mention our pets. Today, I drove my dad to the doctor and went with him for consultation. I just forgot to ask something to the doctor, but it was already answered by our other doctor. Then she said if it were the dogs, I wouldn't forget. She does this all the time. My dad has this one car that's more advanced and I don't like to use it because it confuses me. Then she'd say if I need it for the pets... It's too much! Why always include them when we are not talking about them. It hurts me so much!! They're innocent yet my sister talks like this. She knows I would forget to ask the vet certain things and it would bother me so much that I would confide in her. She also forgets to ask the doctor questions when she goes with my dad, but I don't remember hurting her with words.
I know this is sensitive information, but I just want to share to give proper context. My sister has a boyfriend who after almost 9 years (in December) still doesn't want to marry her. I don't bring up this situation to her because I know it hurts her, but she can't do this for me ( avoid hurting me with words). Her reason for working is so she could meet her boyfriend anytime. It's because she doesn't want people to know she wants to be available whenever her boyfriend wants to meet, but I don't say anything because she knows what she's doing and she's 36. I don't mean to say too much, but if I withhold some information, it wouldn't show the whole picture. If she doesn't want to take care of them, I am content with her leaving them out of those types of conversation that hurts me. One time we had an agreement that we would both be present for my dad's consultation. She said she would meet her boyfriend first then would meet us later. When my dad called her because it's almost our turn, she confessed she went with her boyfriend for his consultation at a different hospital. I never picked a fight with her over this nor said hurtful words. I don't like the kind of person she is. I apologize for letting this all out, but I am very much affected by what she said and did.
