I'll be 40 in 2 months ...

Honestly, not too long ago, I was a mess. Not about aging, but I was dealing with the loss of someone and it was the worst I've ever felt. Arguing constantly with my partner. Drinking a lot more than I should. Missing work because I was too distraught to come in, thinking about the one who died. Just couldn't get out of bed.

We had our first couples therapy session yesterday (his idea). I feel better. I sometimes wonder if I'm in the right relationship, still. I have been worried that my partner has anger problems, but I'm still sometimes not sure if it's just oversensitivity on my part. Therapy helped sort some of it out.

Yes: he needs to work on not raising his voice at me. Yes: I need to work on letting him know when I have a problem instead of sitting around talking myself out of speaking up.

Honestly, I can't wait to get older. The women I know who are older, especially over 50, seem to have so much less drama, and can stand up for themselves gloriously. I want to be like this. I also want to develop my piano skills and have a goal: by my 50th birthday, I want to be able to SHRED.

I like my job, and love my friends. It doesn't matter what I look like at 40, or 50, as long as I can feel a strong sense of inner peace and play music well. That's it for me, right now.

I'm just posting because compared to last month, I'm feeling stronger and overall happier. Still grieving, but in a slightly different way. And it's not linear, the healing process.

Thanks for being here, everyone!