Navigating 40s
Hello kind people, i want to share something very personal—something I haven’t really opened up about before (other than jokingly in a conversation).
I’m a 40-year-old single male working in mid-management at a luxury hotel. I love reading and learning, especially about psychology, which I consider work-related because it helps me better understand people.
But sometimes, I don’t feel “normal” or typical, and I wonder if I need help. Through my reading, I’ve noticed I relate to traits found in psychopathy, autism spectrum, emotional detachment—and more recently, I’ve been learning about the concept of being neurodivergent.
I’ve been thinking about seeking professional help, but honestly, I haven’t felt that motivated—maybe because of my past struggles with addiction and a troubled childhood.
What I truly want is to learn how to keep a job consistently and build a steady, healthy relationship. I know change takes time. I want to learn how to love and how to accept love. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time.
I want to “fix” my mind because I believe I can—but I’m not totally sure. Outside of work, I’ve never been good at masking, and I don’t want to rush into decisions I’ll regret.
Any insight would mean a lot. I tend to prefer doing things alone, and maybe I’m too proud to accept help—but I’m trying to be open here since i havent come across listeners who can relate.
@geometric737 hi sweetie 💗 you know it's never to late for anything, and it's ok to ask for help 💖 I guess everyone reaches a time when they don't want to be battling things all alone, so well done for reaching out here today 💖 that's a great step forward 💖 if you think your suffering from undiagnosed health issues, then I think it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor, they will know how to help you best 💖 working in a hotel must be a cool job to have, I bet you meet so many different kinds of people🙂💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗💗 if there's anything I can do to help you, just let me know 💖
@Tinywhisper11 thank you so much for your uplefting response, if i could borrow some of this positive energy you hold !
@geometric737 💖💖😁 sending rainbows of positive energy your way 🌈🌈🌈
Hi! I'm 44 myself and I work for the hotel industry as well. I felt very compelled by your post because I felt the same way for quite sometime. Before I met my wife I knew I wasn't quite as everybody else but I never paid much attention to it even though my friends and coworkers told me a was a bit 'unique' lol.
When I met my wife everything finally clicked and I understood they were right but that I just needed to find my person to feel like I was the perfect fit for somebody. She's everything I ever wanted but never knew what it was. She is in the ADHD/autistic spectrum and she has said that she believes I am too in the ADHD spectrum but I have never gone to a specialist to get diagnosed because I don't feel is something I need to fix.
If you ever feel like chatting about how you feel, I'd be happy to read you. I just joined this app because my wife recommended it and I am fairly new so I am not entirely sure how it works but I can figure it out :)
Thank you so much @sicksenseofhumor , it really helps to know others with similar experiences, im happy to know you found your person and that she is very understanding.
And im glad you dont feel there is something to fix, becasue im looking for ways to reach to that point. Your reply is really uplefting and supportive, thank you again.
My advice that comes from my experience is that professional help always help. We are not healed completely of course but it has helped me a lot since I was 40. now I am 60 and I still invest in help when I need. Best wishes
@geometric737 I know someone in my family who would like to get married and is over 40 and I know someone outside my family who got married over 40. I believe that you can marry and find someone to love at any age. ✨
@aquaMango5138 thank you so much, let hope i get to do that too soon.
I can totally relate with your situation. i recommend to Go get help but it is also a struggle to find a good therapist. meanwhile keep learning on how to be better
@geometric737 Everyone's "normal" is different. So normal for you would be abnormal for someone else in my opinion. I too often say I am 'damaged' or 'broken' but in hindsight, I don't think its accurate terminology. We do not need to be "fixed" as much as we need to heal or be validated as humans. I also believe that therapy can come in many forms whether it be talking to a friend or family, a professional, playing with a pet, or even things that make us peaceful like listening to music or meditating. :)
@lucyDW thank you so much for the positive response, and yes you are right that the scale of normal can be so wide that what is your normal could be my abnormal, like we all are different in our own ways. I like the idea of a pet and always felt so calm intecacting with animals and birds.
I hope you all the best and happiness.
You can read books or podcasts from people like Ned Halowell and Gabor Mate. Halowell is a specialist on Neuro divergent people and ADHD. I plan to go for a diagnosis sometime too.
@Lovetoconverse thanx alot for the suggestions. I will surely look into them and see about that.
Im so glad someone understood what i was saying in the thread, its sad how most people sometimes read something and simply cherry pick what they see as interesting, i caught my self doing it in more than once . Almost everyone saw it as a cry for help from being broken or a disperare need to get paired with a wife, even though i mentioned my career and my job title ( which takes a great deal of social skills ) and i mentioned my love for knowledge and love for psychology ( which could indicates i have deep understanding of my nature and what im looking to get better at ) i asked for insights on what people may think would be helpfull in my case to navigate my age and a healthy relationships in my age.
Anyway im so sorry if i hurted anyone or appeared ungreatful with what i shared, i honestly appreciate all the support from others and i care deeply that someone would even make the effort to apvote my post or respond to it, but i had to give you the cridet for being the first response with an actual insight, even if i dont know what type of content i may find there. But still you managed to point out the reason i posted what i posted.
Im greatfull for all the responses i recieved and please forgive me being too direct, but i have to be fair, this is propably the most helpfull response i got so far . Thank you
Thank you so much for your heartfelt post! It's just that the Universe is doing things through me. I am glad that you felt I could understand the purpose of your post. I was able to do that may be because I have faced similar struggles and I might be neuro divergent. Very few people can understand what we go through, even my own father cannot understand why I am not able to do certain things..... Only some people who know the difference between neurotypical and neuro divergent brain can understand us. I was very sad when recently a very close friend could not empathise for me in a given situation where he could actually understand my father's struggle and pain. It broke my heart. That is when I started engaging with people on 7 cups. We can share resources when we find something good online if you choose to.
May be we cannot expect everyone to understand us just because we are different. But I found the Sharing Circle group here to be quite supportive.
I am sure you have what it takes to be successful in your career and also reach your relationship goals. All the best!
You are a young intelligent man with all life in front of you. Best wishes for your life ❤️ from one who could be your mother
@inspiration1965 my hear goes out to you, there is no words that can express my gratitude for such a kind and supportive response .
Best wishes for you and i would be honored to be your son.
Dearest, Where do I start? ;-) I've never seeing a person who thinks it's neurodivergent and it's NOT, so here it's my first heartfelt suggestion: embrace it. There's nothing to fix. You're not broken. We're all beautiful in our own little spicy ways. Do you feel a little different? How cool is that? Who wants to be normal? Have you seen normal? Normal has done so much harm to this world, darling. You say you work in the hotel industry, so you see a lot of people coming and going - take a good look at it. It's the slightly different ones there are the cool people. You know what I mean. And about being single, I truly believe love comes first from within. The moment you start to love yourself you open the doors to the rest of the world to love you too. No matter how old you are. I'm older than you, love. I'be being to several relationships and the lasting ones were always the ones that started when I was feeling good about myself. So one thing at the time, right? You have within yourself all you need to make your life better. I believe you. Now you do a leap of faith and start believing yourself as well, ok? Lots of love,
@QuandarySister how great would it be if i can see the world from your point of view ? And i agree, watching all these people come and go om daily basis bring this idea how different is more interesting . Love from within, how i long to love me and forgive me and be all that . The best i have reached is to "like" me when im good at something. I have so many question and wonder so much about my exsistance . And i always wonder why its all a matter of perspective and what we dislike could be the best thing ever if we just look at it from another angle.
I will try my best to embrace my difference and see at as a quality and a starting point.
I wish real people were as kind and understanding as the people here in 7 cups . I would love to exisit in a 7 cups universe where support and love is in abundance.
Thank you so much for your love and acceptance your words are so uplifting and powerfull .
@geometric737 dearest - I'm running out of time here today - my girl is back from school anytime. Would you please hit me up? I feel like we could chat a lot longer. I was reading your post again, you mentioned addiction, and I'd love to talk about it on a neurodivergent perspective. There's nothing to forgive, love. Life is ahead of us, to behind. Let's chat? I'll replay as soon as possible, ok? And look, it took me a LONG time to have my current perspective on things. A lot of work involved. Let me help you? Hugs from Scotland.
I am glad that you are in touch with yourself and self-aware. I’m sure that it would be helpful to talk to someone about what you are feeling. Have you spoken to someone about your childhood trauma and past addiction?
@interestingScenery7877 i would love talking to someone, and i tried before and still most people have difficulties understanding how my past is not an issue for me anymore, though the science claims it will always be related. I still try and hope that somehow someone will be able to help find ways to better navigate the now and the future. I have always found books and podcasts more supporting to me which maybe means im not good at talking as much as im good at listening. Maybe im guarding my self too much and this is the reason im here on 7 cups . To find answers to how can i connect with myself and others and become a better indivisual socially and professionaly.
I hope i make sesne and thank you for the support