Navigating 40s
Hello kind people, i want to share something very personal—something I haven’t really opened up about before (other than jokingly in a conversation).
I’m a 40-year-old single male working in mid-management at a luxury hotel. I love reading and learning, especially about psychology, which I consider work-related because it helps me better understand people.
But sometimes, I don’t feel “normal” or typical, and I wonder if I need help. Through my reading, I’ve noticed I relate to traits found in psychopathy, autism spectrum, emotional detachment—and more recently, I’ve been learning about the concept of being neurodivergent.
I’ve been thinking about seeking professional help, but honestly, I haven’t felt that motivated—maybe because of my past struggles with addiction and a troubled childhood.
What I truly want is to learn how to keep a job consistently and build a steady, healthy relationship. I know change takes time. I want to learn how to love and how to accept love. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time.
I want to “fix” my mind because I believe I can—but I’m not totally sure. Outside of work, I’ve never been good at masking, and I don’t want to rush into decisions I’ll regret.
Any insight would mean a lot. I tend to prefer doing things alone, and maybe I’m too proud to accept help—but I’m trying to be open here since i havent come across listeners who can relate.
@geometric737 what youre going through, and the way you're thinking about it shows real courage and self awareness. by reading and trying to understand yourself through learning, you’ve already taken important steps, and learning about neurodivergence can feel overwhelming at first, but it can also be a powerful turning point. It may help explain why certain things feel harder, not because you're broken, but because your brain works differently, and that’s okay. In fact, it means there are other areas in life you may thrive in. you just need to discover which ones.
The fact that you want to grow, keep a job, build a stable life, and have a meaningful relationship and move on regardless of the past shows how much heart and determination you have. healing from trauma, managing emotional detachment, and your not starting from zero here. you already reading, reflecting, and reaching out, which many people never do. try to be patient with yourself. progress isn’t about becoming someone else, it’s about finding systems and people that fit you. keep learning,stay curious & allow yourself to move forward, and you are not alone in this. & if you enjoy reading, i recommend diving into literature beyond psychology, authors like Dostoyevsky, schopenhauer, or kafka. many great writers struggled with social issues and troubled inner lives, but that didn’t make them less. it made them more deeply human than the average person. try to meet new people when you can. If you're lucky, you may find a few like-minded souls who understand.also here on 7 Cups, we have some amazing listeners, many of whom have faced similar struggles and are at a similar stage in life.
I can relate to what youre going through, and I truly salute you for sharing something so personal here. We’re all here for you. Best wishes.
@Oldsoul1618 thank you so much. I appreciate your opinion i will check books for those writers for sure.
Normal can mean so many different things. What makes you believe you are not normal?
I would suggest journaling when you have thoughts or actions that you deem not normal. This way you can truly determine if u need professional help.
Practice mindfulness and meditation… deep breathing, be fully present during day today task without rumination
Normal can mean so many different things. What makes you believe you are not normal?
I would suggest journaling when you have thoughts or actions that you deem not normal. This way you can truly determine if u need professional help.
Practice mindfulness and meditation… deep breathing, be fully present during day today task without rumination
I’m glad you are finally noticing some traits that define your lack of feeling “normal”. There’s nothing wrong with you or being neurodivergent. I joke and say I have lukewarm ADHD and I’m possibly slightly autistic, but who cares??? Please don’t judge yourself or feel like there’s something wrong with you. I definitely would encourage you to seek help, but I imagine your lack of wanting to do that is probably related to shame of your past, or feeling like you’re being judged if you do. I’m 42 and still single, so I completely relate to feeling like you’re running out of time. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for your mind, and it will take some time to unravel your childhood issues and addiction.
I imagine some of your difficulty with masking outside of work is because you spend your whole time at work masking and you’re absolutely exhausted? Maybe overstimulated? I feel like that a lot when I’m at work, and I think that is an ADHD and autistic trait.
You are very much incredibly normal and it seems like you have a very clear cut idea of what you want your future to look like in terms of your career and a family. So this would be a perfect time to start to get a clear path of how to achieve those things and feel good about yourself in the process. That comes with accepting you need some help, and it’s okay to reach out and lean on others.