Post-Trauma
My mom suffered a severe stroke in October 2022. First off, we are fortunate she lived. She was in the hospital until Jan. 9, 2023. During that time, my family fell apart - they couldn't emotionally deal with seeing my mom in the hospital incapacitated - nor could my dad advocate foe her or talk to the doctors. So it fell on me. Nearly every day I spent time with my mom at the hospital. Seeing her stripped of her dignity, on bed pans. Forgetting who I was. Calling me by a nurse's name. So helpless. So confused. And just- not my mom. She has left sided paralysis and uses a wheelchair now. We are fortunate that she is cognitive - for the most part- but there are deficits and she just... isn't... mom.
Now that she is finally home and we have a care team that comes in every day.. I am finally stepping back and feeling the effect of the last few months. I'm mad. I'm mad this happened and I'm mad that I feel like I'm the only one that stepped up. I'm mad that it all fell on my shoulders - I didn't know what I was doing any more than my dad or siblings but I protected them and just took it all on my shoulders. I'm mad. I'm also incredibly heart broken because I feel like I loss my mom... even though she's here.
Most days I just push it down and don't think about it - do what I need to do - work, take care of my step kids... home life. But I realized I don't feel happiness. I don't feel joy... I just don't feel anything. Except anger. I've thought about therapy but I don't see how that will help me... I think it's just going to have to be time.
I think I'm realizing I may have some trauma issues from being thrust into dealing with this for everyone.
I miss my mom.
Hi there. I miss my mom too. During the pandemic she suffered mentally and was declared a vulnerable adult and diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Sometimes she thinks I'm dead and not her real daughter. She's in a nursing home, but for years before that I did all of her shopping and errands and cleaned her house for her, ect... I'm relieved that she's in the nursing home, but I miss her as she used to live in the same neighborhood as me. I'm her only child so nobody else could help her.
I just wanted to say that you are such a good daughter for caring for your mother in her time of need. She may not be able to express her gratitude, but I'm sure she would if she could ❤ And shame on the rest of the family for not helping out so you had to do everything.
I have a therapist and talking things out really does help. I hope you consider it and I hope you feel better soon. Sorry your mom suffered the stroke.
My goodness @sweetpea321 - you have been through a lot! How wonderful you are to have cared so much for your mother - I can appreciate how difficult that can be. It's only recently that I've learned how much strength it takes to care for an ailing parent - not everyone is able to step up. Thank you for sharing your story and insight - it makes me feel less alone ♡
@Foggybreeze wow, that is a lot, and it sounds like its been really stressful for you. It is obvious that you love your mother very, very much. It also sounds like you are only just beginning to process all that's happened to her since October. I am glad to hear that she has some professional medical carers, because in this situation, it is quite easy to become burnt out, as you have experienced.
It is perfectly normal and natural to miss the person your mom was, before the stroke. That is something you will probably mourn for a long time. You also mentioned anger and resentment towards other family members, like your dad and sister, who have not been involved in your mom's care. Consider joining the Family and Caregivers group, to find others in similar situations- https://www.7cups.com/home/familyandcaregivers/
You may also want to check out this training guide about grief- https://www.7cups.com/grief/
Please reach out to a listener anytime, if you want to chat 1-1.
Thank you so much @purplelady568. You nailed it on the head - I think I am just now starting to process all that's happened - and honestly, it's only in the minimal time that I allow myself to think about it and "feel"... instead of being on autopilot and just getting things done.
I will check out your recommendations - thanks for taking the time to write me.
@Foggybreeze You're so welcome.
Please try to give yourself all the time and space you need. Grief and tragedy and loss don't have "typical" timelines, and everyone deals differently. Be kind and patient with yourself.
-Purple
